I did 105 days gamble free and I’ve relapsed, I’m gutted and feeling very low. I actually know what triggered it, work stress. I’ve gambled 3 times in the last 5 days in the bookies. It’s an insignificant loss but it’s not the money it’s the feelings I have right now. The guilt, that feeling of old. Down in the dumps and a bad human being. I suffer from anxiety and I’m fairly sure depression.Â
I’m a good person apart from gambling. Why do I keep going back, I’m a loser.Â
I don’t understand my life at 34, I’m good in business and should be further on.Â
I want to show my children the way, but keep letting them down. The pressure is too much
Sorry to hear you have had a relapse, your had a great achievement in you 105days gamble free.
Could you possibly self exclude from all local bookmakers to help youÂ
Dear @secretaddict
Thank you for sharing your story on forum. I am sorry to hear that you are feeling this way and would encourage you to make contact and speak with an adviser who will be able to provide you with support and signpost you.
Please also remember that you had a great achievement by being 105 days gamble free and should also be proud of this. Please do not be too hard on yourself and encourage you to continue this journey of recovery.
You can make contact on 0808 8020 133 and we are here 24/7.
Forum Admin
Dear secret addict, I am so sorry you are feeling so bad after your setback. But you have done so brilliantly doing 105 days!! I've only done 8 so early days for me!! But I think if you managed that long you can absolutely get back on track ? I feel your pain, as those feeling of guilt and lowbsrlf esteem are just awful..
You are a good person and have just had a relapse.. These triggers that lead us back to a bad place are hard to deal with for sure!! But you must have great strength and courage to get to 105 days!! So try not to beat yourself up.. I think this forum is amazing, so many supportive people who empathise with what you are going through.. And the advisors on the helpline also, who by the way I call almost everyday!!!
You can get back on track, and put the relapse behind you ?
I wish you the best and look forward to future posts when I know you'll be back in a better place.
Sending positive thoughts.
?
We make sense of our present by the experiences of our pasts. So if you felt bad before and gambled chances are that it can happen again. You need to change how you do things. Become different. If it is just the smallest changes in behaviour you will start to see new and different outcomes. Become different and you will be different Do the same and you will have more of the same.
Best
C
Hi HA.
You need to talk it through with everyone you trust. You must face the truth in order to pick yourself up and dust yourself down.
The door was wide open for you to gamble and you must discuss why
You hint at your inner feelings but gambling is not the answer and you know that. Stress is a major trigger to the drug hit of temporary escape.
You are also doing a damage limitation exercise in your mind that the loss was insignificant. That is still delusional because the next time it may well not be the case.
Its also delusional because if I cheated you in business or you were not paid you would be far from happy.
I saw in an older thread that you wife was helping you? Secrets are no good for you and you need to talk through your urges. Was there some free money on offer?...were the bookies going to be kind to you in your stressed state....No because you know that the odds are well against you and you are almost certainly seeking a dopamine hit to sooth anxiety
Gambling is a a drug used to temporarily escape from stress and anxiety. A dangerous drug that leaves us skint and clinically depressed on the come down.
You have to deal with your depressive thoughts. Im not saying that is easy but its a whole lot easier without gambling when you get some sense of control over your life.
I will be frank with you that if you cant deal with the depression and that life is worth living you will never move forward. Depression and gambling feed off each other.
What you have done is just the same as reaching for heavy liquor or other drugs. Gambling is your drug of choice and its a mugs game.
Step up the blocks or start some proper blocks. Get your money fully protected and try and pick up the phone to another member of your family and tell them about it. Where is the shame in reaching out. There is no shame in seeking help.
You have to realise what you are dealing with and if you had/have? an easy route to gambling, I wonder if you do realise the severity of the addiction.
I'm going to sound a bit harsh on you as there there and take care is not actually what you need to hear.
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
