Relapsed - in despair

Hi Mo, i'm sorry you have experienced what you have my friend - I feel for you greatly.

That said, we wouldn't be here now if you had followed advice given to you previously about installing blocking software, by myself and others, as an immediate necessity.

I'm not judging or criticizing you, but you have to recognize that you are in a very vulnerable state at the moment my friend, and you have to do what is necessary, without exception. It may be hard, it may be extremely hard, but it wouldn't be anywhere near as bad as what you are feeling now.

Complacency and "numbing out" our past experiences and emotions is what led you to this relapse my friend - you can't allow that to happen, you have to keep everything at the front of your mind and do everything in your power to ride the storm. If you had finished the book and done something else, then that urge would have passed, and quicker than you could imagine.

You have done it before my friend, you can almost certainly do it again but you must remember and use everything in your power, everything that you went through before, to push you on and forwards. Nothing is worth how you feel right now, nothing.

Channel this despair, anger and depression into renewing your determination to get back to where you were my friend. Don't hide from this - do what you need to do to put your finances back in order and think about your future. You can get there, you did it before, you came further than the vast majority of people ever will.

JamesP

That's James for your words of support. I appreciate you reminding me I wouldn't be in this position if I had heeded precious advice however I question the whole issue of self exclusion - when you take something away and it's not possible to get then you crave for it mor - an analogy of being on a diet springs to mind - ie allow one treat a day. Now with gambling I don't mean one treat a day but the way I stopped year ago was to analyse why I was wanting to gamble then change my life so it was no longer a part of me anymore. Don't get me wrong it took months maybe years to get to this point - I would be standing on the doorstep of slot arcade willing myself not to go in and then the jubilation I felt when I returned home without playing. I was also in a precarious relationship at the time. But I managed to completely eradicate gambling from my very soul UNTIL NOW that is. My personal position has changed dramatically due to health issues that I cannot change. I do not want to gamble but was trying to do it my way.obviously it's not worked and once again I'm in this position. I have self excluded for 4'weeks. I am dubious,about,closing account down as they keep your bank details for 5'years which is then poem to identity theft, I might close my credit cards down then it means ones there can't be used. I am not making excuses but giving valid,reasons. I also want to be in the mindset that I do not want to gamble even if it's available, and hopefully I can get to that stage again.. I respect all your help you are giving everyone james but I want you to understand that there are folk that can't get new hobbies,etc,to,distract,their,minds,due to,disabilities, thanks all your help.

Mo

You're welcome Mo, no problem at all,

I couldn't agree with you more - blocking software is only a preventative method, it doesn't actually solve the problem; you still need to work on you as a person.

It depends on how you feel - is it worse to try to stop gambling without installing blocking software, or better? Most people feel better, but others may crave it more as you say, but at least they have made a positive step - until you do it, you won't really know for sure my friend.

You are also correct when you say that some people's lives are compromised when it comes to discovering new hobbies and interests, but that doesn't mean to say that the person concerned doesn't have options.

There is nothing wrong with doing things your way if it works - everyone is different, everyone reacts to different things in different ways. If it doesn't, then you are in a position where you have to find another way, whether you accept advice on here or on a professional level.

Adopting the mindset of not wanting to gamble is admirable, as long as it is based on a positive foundation. Some do it out of anger, then find themselves slipping somewhere down the road because it is ultimately a self-destructive and functionless emotion - acceptance is the key, acceptance that winning money is effectively a form of mental poison; I shudder when I think about winning money now, because I know what emotions it will bring out of me.

Not only acceptance, but "riding the storm" - keeping your mind occupied doesn't work for some people, so they simply grit their teeth, get on with their day, and wait for it to pass. However you feel, and whatever you experience, tomorrow is almost always going to be a better day.

I would still install blocking software immediately my friend. From my own experiences, and from what I have seen during my seven years here, it is a positive step, almost all of the time; some have experienced what you said, they crave it more but find that this is only a short-term, instinctive reaction.

Your road maybe harder than most, but you can get there my friend. You have made progress and I salute you for it - my comments are borne out of wanting you to take it to the next level, of which I sincerely believe you are capable.

JamesP