Hi. I've just signed up today and thought I would share my story in the hope that it will resonate with others and that it may provide advice. I've been a gambling addict for over 5 years. It started as it always does as a bit of fun but I quickly started losing money and chasing the loss. About five years ago I won £60k on an online slot. I couldn't believe my luck but that turned out to be the worst thing that could have happened. I thought I was invincible and that gambling was the 'solution' to everything. When I had inevitably lost a chunk of it I came clean to my wife and she told me that if it ever happened again she would leave. But by then the addiction had me. I continued in secret. I built up debts. I borrowed more to chase the losses thinking I would have another big win. I played online slots and bet on football pools and matches mainly. The more I lost the more depressed and down I got. My mum gave me money which instead of using to pay off the debt I gambled with it. I could have been only £12k in debt last year with money my mum gave me. I am now £37k in debt. I finally decided enough was enough and was sick of all the lies and knew I was headed for the gutter and that I would take my wife and daughter with me. I told my wife last Friday. She was shocked but understanding and she finally had an explanation for my mood swings. At the moment I have no urge to gamble and have handed all my finances over to my wife. I am living with a friend while she decides what to do. I have counselling lined up. All I want is a chance to redeem myself. But she is worried that she is putting herself and my daughter at risk if she does. My hope is that I Can get a debt management plan so the debt is all in my name and not shift it to the mortgage and out house at risk. I'm so down right now. I'm off work with 'stress'. I Don't know how to prove I have turned a corner. I'm scared of the future and ashamed of what I've done. Thanks for listening.
Hi bevanr,
Welcome to the Forum. You have arrived at the right place for advice. It seems you have reached rock bottom and do seem ready to move forward positively.
Handing your finances over to your wife is a smart move. You need to consult Stepchanges or Payplan possibly about your DMP and for advice on your mortgage. You don't have to reveal to them your gambling just say your over committed. It's up to you they are not there to judge anyway only to help people in financial difficuties. They are non fee charging as well. Don't get mixed up with fee charging management companies. Your creditors pretty much will have to accept your monthly offer of payment and will probably freeze interest and charges.
I've lost about 200k in my gambling life. it's water under the bridge to me and I don't lose too much sleep about it to be honest now. I pay my creditors £1 pm each.
I'd get blocks on gambling sites on all your devices. You can use K9 (free) and get someone to set the password and not divulge it to you. If at some point you are tempted to gamble, you can't physically do anything about it.
Should you need to you can self exclude from High Sttreet Betting Shops.
Chasing losses usually ends up in disaster. It's the nature of constant gambling I'm afraid.
The gambling highway is littered with stories of big wins given back and more besides.
It looks harsh in black and white type but that's the way it is I'm afraid. As I've found out in my time too.
Being scared and ashamed is perfectly normal under the circumstances. I have been in the past.
These feelings will subside in the fullness of time. Try not to be too hard on yourself if possible in the meantime.
If you are really seriously depressed and anxious. See your GP and discuss the situation.
Hopefully your wife will stick with you so make sure you demonstrate to her how serious you are about giving up gambling.
I am now nearly a month without gambling and it does feel good. The urges have subsided a great deal and I have no intention of gambling in the future.
Keep yourself busy if possible with hobbies and exercise. It's helped me. Try gym work and running. You get too knackered to worry too much about other things.
You can beat this problem. Believe me.
Other people may post some other ideas. I've tried to cover as much as I can.
Take Care Now.
Thanks for the support and kind words MrStop.
I know it's early days but I just want a chance to turn my life around.
I have already contacted Step Change and am hoping I can set up a DMP so at least the interest is frozen.
I'm taking it one day at a time but as my friends have all told me I have taken the most important step in admitting I have a problem.
I don't blame anyone else for my situation. I just want my life back and to support my family as they deserve.
Keeping busy is good advice.
Thanks again.
Hi, once you have your DMP sorted you will feel better as you are taking practical steps to help yourself.
My own personal experience has also taught me that winning big is the worst thing that can happen. You start to lose money, your stakes get bigger and you are losing more and more chasing that "feeling" you experienced when you won the first time.
Hopefully the stark situation you find yourself in will focus your mind on achieving your goal of stopping and your wife will give you a chance to redeem yourself.
All the best mate.
Hi bevanr,
Do everything and anything !
Never be ashamed of having a gambling addiction, only be ashamed if you choose to do nothing about it, which from ur posts i see you are doing. Fully commit to any help you receive. As you mensioned you are seeking councilling help, there are also GA meets around the country and rehab can be an option.
I always put my daughter and partner at risk when i was gambling and i didnt care.....My partner left and took our daughter.I hated her for this...The reality is she would have had a better life without a gambling dad around promicing the world and delivering nothing. Redemption and trust can take a lifetime to acheive. I wouldnt trust a compulsive gambler !!
All the best
Jay.
Gamblers are used to the quick fix. But other things take time. Your wife is right to be concerned as the Family home could be at risk eventually. You must really want to stop for YOU. A Gambler in full flow is only useful to the bookie/online slot owner etc. Give you and your wife time.
I was in a no hope ever situation before and its all fixed now because I did not rush it. If you are not gambling your thinking will change and I am sure your wife will see the difference in you too, but trust takes a while to return. All you can do is stay away from gambling and things will fall into place somewhere along the line. I really hope they fall in your favour and, as you know, Thats down to you. I wish you all the very best.
Andy
Hi Scared & Ashamed,
I recognise much of what you say. I have been gambling since my teens (now 41) and progressively got worse and for bigger stakes (thousands same as you). I have a wife and daughter and initially my wife went ballistic and our relationshop was shot to pieces... However with time and effort it can be rebuilt. Honestly complete honesty is the best policy here, open book and accept your going to have to work at this.
I have tried to quit gambling on my own for many years and just couldn't do it no matter what I told myself and no matter how as I felt in myself and for my family.
When I finally opened up to my wife I felt a sense of both relief and a sense of responsibility and found the nearest / next GA meeting and promised her I'd go. I absolutely crapped myself on the day (and still am over never being able to gamble again) but it was the best thing I have ever done in my life !!
Do it PLEASE .
It will help you and it will aid you. It may even go some way to show your wife how much you want to quit gambling. If you want to beat this then find a GA meeting and go. I have only been clean for a short while but already you think twice about the urge to gamble and you rhink how many people you are affecting (apart from and including yourself).
Please get help if you really want this.
Take care and be brave
L26
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