Serverly depressed and dont know how to get out of this black hole.

Get help, that's what you need to do, & fast! Coming here is a great 1st step but you need more, go to your GP, tell your parents, this addiction has already taken everything you had to give & more & it won't stop taking until you break the cycle! Sorry I didn't pick this up sooner & I hope you are still reading because this site has all the tools and advice you need to move forwards, which you must!

It's a heartbreaking read but if you don't figure out a way to arrest this & fast, that 2 hours a day with your baby will be in a contact centre! You cannot continue to neglect yourself in this way & be any sort of parent & I hope that you are not in a position where you are home alone with your child because coffee & cigarettes is a great combination if you want your body to shut down without warning & there ain't nothing a screaming 2 year old will be able to do 🙁

I don't know how the debt management works but would suggest you need to speak to Gamcare about some advice on this front too! We cannot win because we cannot stop & this is not just about the money for you anyway although it may feel like it!

Welcome to recovery Lara 🙂 I'm sorry if I sound mean (I am, a bit) but it's only because I care (mad I know, I don't know you but that is what recovery has done for me)...I HATE this addiction & I can't bear to see it ruining lives! I'm not going to lie & say it's going to be easy, it's not but I can guarantee it will be worth it!

You can beat this - ODAAT

Hi Lara

First thing I would say to you from past experience is to write to your payday loan lenders tell them you can't pay them and need an affordable payment plan. Rent electricity upkeep of your daughter are way more important.

I know what your saying about hardly seeing your daughter because of work but the reality is we need to work to provide for our kids. Gambling is not a career.

I hope you go to see your gp about how your feeling. It doesn't seem like it just now but things will get better.

Good luck

............

Hi,
I have Been in your position and it's the worst feeling in the world. I didn't think I could do it and here I am fighting not only for my sake but for my kids. Get in touch with the creditors and tell them you are going to go on a debt management plan give the company the information and they can deal with your creditors, you may feel embarrassed and ashamed I certainly did was crying too but once I got the first step of sorting creditors you will feel much better.
Is there someone you can hand over your finances to. Once you have taken away control of your money you will not be able to gamble.
It's the best thing I ever did. I would never of thought I would be where I am if I hadn't of gave up control if my money.
Yes sometimes it's annoying having to ask my mum to keep withdrawing me money every few days so I can buy things I need day to day, but it means I cannot gamble. And I have no stress about it.
You can beat this and build a better life for you and baby. Doing exercise is great you will start to feel good about yourself and in turn you will be more positive. You are not a rubbish mum your addiction has made you feel this way.
Stop gambling get the help you need tell your family get it out you will feel better.
Keep posting and reading. If you don't stop now it only gets worse.
I was in the same boat as you and I want to help anyway I can.
X

How are you today?

CW

Hiya guys thank you for all your messages i think i hit a all time low yesterday and something hit me over the head as to what ive actually been doing for this past year. What ive had in my head is to save up a couple of thousand to have there and id be able to leave work or at least find a part time job and not worry about money for a few months but obviously it never happened. Im usually up at 6 take my daughter to my mum and im not home til 6 at night and my daughter goes to bed at 8 so i feel like im not seeing her during the week i do have weekends off well i work 1 in 4 saturdays so during the weekend i spend every second with my daughter going to the park ect i love her to bits and never once have i gambled around her (i tend to do it on weeknights after shes in bed.. a few times ive sat up til 4/4.30 playing slots and had to be up at 6) this isnt a way of life and i know ive got a illness. I jumped right back in with the cigarettes(i quit for nearly 3 years) never smoke in the house or around my daughter mainly onlunch breaks at work i sit outside gamble on my phone and smoke cigarettes. I do look ill i have lost a lot of weight recently im tired im not really eating meals just quick snacks here and there and i need to sort myself out. I havent told anyone yet i dont know how to get the words out. I know i need to and i will i cant battle this on my own. And i think tomorrow i will contact stepchange again tell them i took out a new loan n hope they will still accept a dmp. I cant believe ive been so stupid and selfish to put myself and my daughter through this we had a break to pontins booked and it got cancelled due to me missing payments because i was spending it all on gambling what sort of mother does that. I heard once to break a few addictions at a time maybe i should combat the smoking and gambling together esp as i associate smoking with gambling. Everytime the phone rings and its a creditor i feel like crying. I never thought id be suckered in by gambling i used to see gamblers as i worked next to a betting shop and id think how can u get like that "how sad" and now heres me up there with the best of them x

I must say actually writting it down on here has made me feel a bit better today i havent gambled since yesterday, i havent even looked at me emails to see if i have "10 free spins or a free 5 pound bonus" i still feel very very weak i am thinking about gambling but i havent proceeded with it yet. I think i need to buy a block for myphone as i mainly play on my mobile x

Hi feeling low, your gambling sounds exactly like mine. I'm a mum to 2 children and I just can't go on like this anymore. I'm always skint and the bills are just piling up and gaining interest and I don't know where to start to fight this, but I know I have to. I also play always on my phone but haven't found any blocker yet for an iPhone, if you find any good services to help combat the creditors and blockers for your phone please let me know! I hope that you can be strong and get through this, I'm hoping I can to, me and the kids could have a much better life without gambling! Good luck x

Hi,

You're doing well but can you self exclude from the websites? I did this for my CG husband by letter to the head office, giving his name postal and email addresses date of birth and password, asking them to self exclude permanently and not to contact him again. Would be quite hard for him to go back to these websites in a weak moment.

re blocking the phone, the one suggestion that would definitely work is to use a non Internet phone...not trendy but you wouldn't be able to gamble on it.

BW,

CW

Hi hun, i feel your pain i "was" the same as you gambling all through the night then up at half 6 with junior, i have 3 kids. i only stopped yesterday this is prob my 4th attempt at stopping, i stopped for 5 years b4 but i fell weak. I only took a grip yesterday and got my last ukash money and said once this goes im done so i tripled it but still put it bk then phoned them up and self excluded myself and thought twice about mentioning my alias account then said well if im gonna do it do it right, so came clean with alias with all accounts i had i even photographed it 2 remind myself Focused!! my alternative was to open a monthly saver account with standing order from my bank every monthfor a fraction of what i gambled but i know at least in a year i will have saved enough money for a fantastic family holiday instead being further down the black hole and getting upset when i see the kids because iv let them down, and also a savers bank account so u cant use it online......but i definately agree self exclusion is the 1st step,as whenever u try to set up an account it is immediately closed accross the board, im only 1 day ahead of you so lets do this!! stay positive and focus on something an incentive 🙂 x

Hi hadenoughnow for the creditors im thinking stepchange or payplan. They put all your debts into one and after filling out a income n expediture report what free money u have left they split it and send it to your creditors. I actually got my forms to sign n just before i sent it off i stupidly took out another payday loan so i think i may have to start from scratch. And as for blocking websites i know of gamblock and u can do that on your phone but i think they charge 75 dollars which is about 30 something pounds i think, ive gambled all my money away tho so cant even afford this blocker! Somedays at work i cant even afford a bottle of juice cus ive gambled all my money away my life is ridiculous at the moment keep intouch would love to hear how u get on too xx

Hi missybee i hope this attempt works for you. You sound strong and determind to beat this. Ive been buying my nappies ect then the rest goes on gambling probably about 250 a week. Then when ive lost that i "borrow money for ""nappies"" or "baby clothes" or make something up and im straight in the shop for a ukash voucher. Online slots get me i get suckered in big time its as if somebody takes over my body and before i know it its changed from 8 pm to 4am! I also need to self exclude, i was thinking of gamblock but i cant even afford it. I think the saving account is a very good idea i want to treat my daughter next year be a totally new mum take her on a few holidays and get ourselves somewhere to live something has got to change keep me updated how u get on xx

Thank you for your reply. Since I gambled last on Thursday 12am, when paid, and spent every penny all I have done is read this site for days! I will contact stepchange and sort out these debts once and for all. I will also look into gamblock because even though I don't have £30/£40 till Thursday if that's what I pay to stop gambling in the long run it will make me a lot of money. Strangely though I feel like it's wasting money, yet I to think nothing of spending every bean and going without. The thing I have found is I now find it hard to sleep! I usually gamble in the evening and I feel like every night my mind is racing. Hence the reading this site for hours. I have self excluded and that would be a great step for you also. Hopefully you can stay rid of gambling and in the near future enjoy a nice lunch at work instead of some tap water. It's sad really to think of the state my life is in when really I could be quite comfortable and out with friends and the kids instead of moping around depressed and skint. Stay strong and I will be staying focused on these forums in the evening as at the moment it's what's keeping me sane! X

Well guys i have finished my first full day of gambling. I had a really weak moment this afternoon. My ex has my daughter on a sunday morning until about 4/5 i asked him for 25 pounds just for bits for her. In rights anyway he should be giving me this every week anyway. Anyway my first thought was go shop buy a 25 pounds ukash voucher n have one "final" blowout. Instead i sat down for half an hour(daughter was having a nap) i had a cup of tea put a bit of make up on for the first time in ages and i took her out to the ball p*s and we had dinner in a pub resturant after i felt great to be treating my daughter n not wasting my money. I used to love doing my hair and make up and fake tan and all them sort of things yet these days i never wear any make up i barely even brush my hair it gets scraped up and thats that til next time i wash it, i have really let myself go big black bags under my eyes, my teeth have started going quite yellow, im too skinny all ive wanted for the last year is to gamble i feel like ive been living in a dream n ive woke up now and a year has passed by. Not including the loans over a year i think ive lost 12000 pounds in wages and a extra 2000 in loans, and probably 1000 in borrowed money? Absolute idiot. I dont know where to start tomorrow. Im ringing up sick for 2 days to think things through. I am stressed i do feel very depressed think i may have anxiety too i look away when someone is talking to me im too ashamed to look at them because of how horrible i look. My daughter is my life n i need to beat this for her. I get paid again on thursday and the whole lot of that is going on my phone bill. I hope i end up paying my phone bill and not going straight back to gambling. Or worse still paying myphone bill then rinsing it back up with "boku pay by mobile" thursday is gonna be a very hard day and i hope i can do it x