Serverly depressed and dont know how to get out of this black hole.

Hiya feeling low!!

I feel like saying I'll stop if u stop lol....our stories are familiar...my daughters 2 (my sons 15) ..I'm now in a dmp ...not due to gambling but have added another £2k to it in last month due to gambling for last 1-2 years. That first big win is what got me hooked. Every month I say I'm gonna stop...after spending most of my wages n Csa money with online bingo sites ..I can just about manage to get through month on almost nothing..then week before I get paid I work out my money & think as long as I don't gamble I'll have enough money to treat the family...pay day lands ...I'll just a 10er on n we all know how it goes from there. It's only online I find I'm weak..I only go to actual bingo hall when it's free lol....& not even tempted to put money in the slot machine...but I suppose when ur online u don't see the physical money. They need to come up with a blanket exclusion...once u exclude ..somehow someway online/bingo halls n betting shops and debit cards shld not allow u in/to play. Hope u get through this...xx

Hey everyone, not been on here all weekend been so tired, did my saturday shift this week and it completely wiped me out. Came down with a horrible sickness bug saturday night lasted mid day into sunday wasnt nice, think i caught it off my daughter last week. I havent been on here since thursday just realised. Well i paid the phone bill didnt gamble the money away. Didnt even think about gambling. But today on my dinner at work i felt really stressed out, i hate my job the full days, not seeing my daughter, the place, the people who work there depress me, my boss had been in a mood and there was a horrible atmosphere at work today i still felt quite rough from the bug id had so on my dinner i went outside, deposited 30 pounds through my phone bill and sat there playing slots, drinking coffee, smoking cigarettes, lost it in probably 20 minutes if that n then the remaining 40 minutes i sat there crying. Im upset i did this id gone almost a week without gambling i feel stupid. Well ive self excluded now from all of them, most i could do on the sites but a few i had to email. Ive downloaded the k9 app but need to set it up. I feel stupid. Im gonna set up my recovery diary as soon as i get a chance and i think ive realised my job is the trigger. Im thinking about leaving. Im going to look for a part time job 16-20 hours its still income probably half of what i earn now but i am a mess at the moment. Im only gambling the money away anyway? I dont know im full of ideas still got over 2k worth of debt and im paying board at my mum and dads house. I want me and my daughter in our own house again. I dunno think i need to sleep been a very depressing day today. X

This addiction is cruel & the more blocks you can put up the less likely you are to take steps backwards. Setting up the blocker is a must but you need to do more to beat this! Have you phoned Gamcare yet? I understand the counselling can be done over the phone & you won't have to pay (you've paid your dues to the industry already)!

I'm sorry you are feeling poorly but your body is so run down you are gonna pick up every little bug going until you start looking after you & a poorly mummy is not a fun mummy 🙁 I know it sounds crazy but you need to tell someone close to you, write a letter to your mum if you don't think you can face her! I don't know you but I can literally feel you fading away with the pain of all this. You did great paying your phone bill but the urges will creep up on you & hit you hard out of nowhere, happy or sad, that's the nature of this beast (& it is one)!

Maybe working less hours is a good idea because as you say, you're just chucking the money away anyway but 1st things first, get some food inside you! You're gonna need all the strength you can get to fight this - ODAAT

How are you, Lara?

Hey guys! Well after my blip the other day i didnt gamble, today i got paid remembered i hadnt emailed one site about self excluding and deposited 15 pounds n gambled. Why do i keep doing this im so angry at myself. Thing is i was playing a slot game and when i got to about 13 pounds i just wanted to lose so i could stop if that makes any sense? Anyway i have no deposit limits set on this site and when i lost i didnt deposit any more i just thought whats the point. So instead i went on amazon and bought alan carrs easyway to stop gambling and easyway to stop smoking. Even if neither help at least im focusing on something else i suppose. Gonna start the gambling book tonight. I still have after buying my daughters stuff for the week and the easyway books and depositing that 15 pounds around 180 in my account. This is the first time in a long time ive got to the end of a thursday with money in my account. So even though i gambled something made me not deposit anything more. Ive emailed that site now and hopefully im blocked. Lets see what tomorrow brings, i opened a new bank account just a basic account which step change advised me to do im sure u just get a cash card with it not a debit card? Hope so. Before gambling i used to always buy things that i didnt need buying things made me happy so i think i have some sort of addictive personality. Ive quit coffee not had one for over a week now, im drinking about 2 cups of tea a day n herbal teas after that which from 8/9 cups of coffee is good for me. Been eating a little bit more. See what tomorrow brings xx

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Hi hoping things are improving felling low? I haven't been on the past week and have massively fallen off the wagon big time. Getting myself in more debt and gambling every penny the past week, which has been quite a high amount. Felling really crappy about it all so haven't really felt like talking/typing. Don't know how I'm going to stop this for good. Have you opened a new bank account altogether? I think this is what I need to do ASAP. I'm with Barclays and even downgrading to the basic account still has a visa debit. Hope your well. Your making some great steps moving forward x

Hi, Lara,

Self exclude from the offending site?

BW,

CW

Hi Feeling Low, I'm busy reading Alan Carr's Easyway to stop gambling and have found it very useful. Wishing you success on your gamble free future!

Hi, how are you getting on? X

Hi Feeling low,

I am a mum of 2 year old and understand what you are going thru. I think when you are depressed or low - you are not thinking straight. Trying really hard to 'fix' the problem ie win more money to improve your and your daughter lifestyle.

I have been thru that and took a big lost and realised i need to stop as this not the way to go. I have just manage to pay off some pay day loans so trying to sort out my credit card debts.

Please please follow advice of others and help line/support available and see doctor regarding your mood. I felt so much better having the happy pills. If you dont trust yourself with money - please let some one else look after your finance and self exclude and delete any online account. even set up a new email address so you dont get junk emails.

I am now 14 days clean and deleted all my account. I havent set blockers nor give financial to someone else. I am adament do it my way and i have to do it for my girl. If I slip i will go for hardcore as i then definetely know i can't be trusted.

I think with me is escaping reality as like you - i hated my job and felt out with my boss who refuse paying my £400 overtime pay and thats when i silly enough went online think i will win.

Please keep logging in and speak out about your feelings - it helps.

But do it for child and keep positive.

X