i've had a serious gambling problem for over a year now. my addiction is to online roulette. nothing else.
hate to think how much ive lost altogether. i've ploughed my wages in as soon as ive been paid several times. payday loans too.
i enjoy the buzz, but its also about the money. i have a poorly paid job and the idea of making thousands of pounds in under an hour is incredibly attractive.
i had my biggest win a few months ago. i won about 10k in a couple of days. i thought this was finally my chance to stop. i no longer needed the money. i was ok for a while, then had a little go, lost 250, lost 2k trying to win that back, then eventually lost it all. i still feel sick thinking about it.
i have a very supportive partner. i lost out holiday fund a few months back. ive promised her to stop so many times but never can. she thinks ive stopped for good now. i cancelled all my accounts, and transferred all my money to her bank account. it worked for a few weeks. im still always thinking about roulette, but at least i wasnt playing.
then on wednesday i asked her to transfer me 50 quid for a bill i needed to pay. i suddenly thought hang on, a cheeky gamble with 50 wont hurt. ill win a couple of hundred and just pay the bill a day or two late. it felt so good. i had a win, turned it into 350. withdrew. no more i said. then yesterday i got bored, gave myself 150 to try and get a really big win with. lost it, obviously. felt annoyed, but i still had the 200. then this morning, as soon as i woke up and my partner left for work i gave myself 100 to try and win the 150 back. which i did. withdraw.
left for work buzzing, felt good all day. planning what to do with this extra money.
got home, oh go on then, 50 quid see what you can do with it. cancelled the withdrawal. went well to start with, then went on a shocking run. to cut a long story short ive just lost all the 350.
just got that familiar empty feeling inside. i hate myself, im a pathetic, pathetic person.
thank god i cant access the rest of my money because i would blow it all right now.
ive had a good read of these forums now. its definitely helped.
looking at some of the stories, things could be a lot worse.
the posts from girlfriends/wives are a real eye opener. i cant believe what ive been putting my beautiful kind loyal fiance through. she doesnt deserve this.
i'm absolutely determined to stop.
I have just started on my road to recovery so i just wanted to stop by and say hello. My main problem was betting on virtual horses/dogs or the cartoon dogs/horses on the fobts. I could find myself betting hundreds of pounds on these things - something that i had no form to follow. If i won it would only be temporary respite as my greed would mean i would be back a few hours or days later to give it back. The only advice i can give you is to try and stop this happening and this can only be done through self exclusion - i think that through the support of others that i can beat this and if i can do it so can you! Keep in touch
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