So ashamed and scared

Hi Regret70,

First and foremost thanks for sharing and well done for admitting your problem. Like yourself, I got trapped in online gambling mainly roulette. Over the last 10 years I must have lost thousands of pounds. I got myself in a big mess, got bailed out by my dad on multiple occasions. I even had a dmp set up like you and paid most of it (remaining paid by dad - huge mistake for trusting me ). I broke his trust again and had a relapse. I borrowed from friends and family. At one stage I was going through my contacts on the phone and see who I haven't borrowed from and who's most likely to lend me some money. When we get desparete we do some crazy things. Now, I'm 42 days into my recovery. This wouldn't have happened if I didn't come clean to my girlfriend. She has access to my finances including my credit report. I only get cash for petrol and in return I bring receipts home. My dad literally gave up and stopped talking to me after my recent relapse. However, my nan died just over a week ago and now he's talking to me again.

I hope that you'll find the strength to admit to your husband regarding your recent relapse. Trust me it's a huge relief when you let it off your chest especially to the person you love and care the most. I know you're dreading it right now but please do so when you feel it is right to do so.

About blocking access to gambling sites on iphone I think K9 browser is a good and it should be free. I have an anroid phone and I've got an app called gamban installed on it. The missus has the licence number so I can't uninstall it. She got the broandband provider block access to all gamblings sites so I have no access on my laptop and she's the account holder.

You have done it before and I'm sure you can do it again. I hope to read your gamble free posts on your recovery diary soon. Taking one day at a time and keeping the mind busy on other important things is working for me. I hope this works for you too. Good luck.

Pras

Thankyou so much for taking time to reply. I feel I have admitted to myself today that I have a serious problem. X

tYou are not alone on here I have been gambling 20 years plus and it just ruins your life I will say this based on your first post

To stop gambling involves the support of your nearest and dearest the shame secrets are unbearable at times but the lies will continue if your desire to stop is kept a secret we often don’t tell our families as we think we can sort out the addition on our own I have made that mistake 200 times pluck up the courage to tell a close friend or counsellor or partner it will Be the first step to recovery take care x Tim

Hi regret70

Please tell your partner although you'll be ashamed and embarrased if his supportive and understanding it could be the best thing you've ever done. I told my partner the weekend about my addiction and it's the best thing I have done. It's given me even more reason to stop because now she knows she will leave me if it continues and that I cannot allow. As for blocking software I had the iPhone and you're right there's not much for it apart from k9 but you can un install that so it seems pointless. I got rid of my i phone and brought a Samsung to help with my addiction. I purchased an app called gam ban which was £10 for the year and the amazing thing is you cannot delete it. Even if you beg and plead with the company that own it they can't and won't delete it. This has massively helped me cut down and like you I would sit on my phone for hours playing slots but I can't do that anymore no matter how much the urge.

Get rid of your i phone just get a brick. if you really want to quit... how much will you really miss it... with the whole facebook data protection thing at the moment there is no better time then now to get rid of smart devices. i have done it and its the best thing i ever did b:]

good luck

Hello - just wanted to let you know that you can download Gamban for IOS on iphone and it does not let you access any gambling sites. Once downloaded it cannot be deleted for 12 months. Costs about £10 but really worth it. It doesnt mess up internet and you can still use safari as normal. Apart from a blip yesterday on a device that I found whilst clearing out that did not have any blocks on, I have found it really useful on my iphone and laptop. Without it, despite yesterday, I would have gambled nonstop in the last week but it takes away the ability to do so at all. Good luck x

Hi 70
Welcome to the place that can support you in fighting you're addiction...
My first bit of advice is to make a coffee...and ring the helpline...they've heard it all before....they won't judge...they'll listen...and help...
The debts...they can be sorted....money comes..
And money goes ....i think it's the Thing most of us addicts worry about when we realise we have a problem....and yes....of course it stresses us to the max ...but your mental health....you're relationships....and that dear little one growing In you're tummy are what is most important.
Like you love....I was addicted to online slots....
Realised it was a huge problem...and certainly not the fun it's advertised as. ...I Never set out to become an addict...it's a progression. ....that takes all us addicts to different levels of despair.....
Like you love....I was adoment in the early days of my fight...that I couldnt possibly tell hubby..
He'd kill me
He'd leave me
He'd rant and rave
He'd think I was stupid..
He'd battled with cancer...and id gambled. ..how selfish..
And a million other reasons to prolong the bomb that was going to blow when I told him...
Prior to him finding out...
I had ....rung the helpline..sorted counselling..
Set up parental block on broadband blocking all gambling sites..
Got debts written down. ..spoken and agreed payments with all concerned.....doing these things made me feel i had something to show him when the time came..
The day my secret blew...yes...it was c**P....the guilt...ashamed beyond belief. ..feeling stupid etc etc....but....after talking ....more than we had in years. ..it all started to feel so much less painfull.....I run my own business ...so always had access to cash...but all my spends/expenses /takings were always there for him to see...which for me ....was enough to realise .....he was able to see any gambling....would I have been able to fight my addiction if it was still a secret....I very very much doubt it....was the bomb going off as bad as I thought it would be...no..it wasn't. ...it wasn't a wonderfull time....but then...nor was the burden of the secret I was keeping...
And that would have got worse...
Instead....my life's got better and better...
Because I stood...turned and fa ed my addiction head on...and fought for a better life. ..
No....it wasn't easy. ...it was dam hard. ....but it's all doable love...
Take a look at my diary. ..it may help...it may not....
Like you....I arrived on this forum...scared...lonely...skint..ashashamed ....and basically someone I no longer knew ....or liked....but with help....and time...I'm now someone I like...
Living a life I love....
Put that kettle on....and make that call love
Loxxie. ..about 2.5 years gamble free x