Hi all
This is my very first post anywhere regarding my gambling problem. I am a 39 yr old male and have been betting since I was 18. I initially started like a lot of people jusy doing a football coupon in the bookies for a couple of pound. This escalated to £20 a week but nothing silly. I took a general questionnaire when I was around 30 asking if I had ever placed a £100 pound bet. At the time the answer was no, but I remember looking back and took it as a challange. I placed my first £100 bet not long after that. Anyway fast forward until 12 months ago. A bit of background info - I'm 39 yr old male, consider myself good common sense and have a good stable job (50k salary). I have thought hard about whether to state my salary but feel I must be open to get help and realise I have a problem. What I'm going to type is honestly true (I wish it wasn't as it's hard to believe) It's worst than most people will ever reach. I opened a new account a year ago and coming up to Christmas my stakes increased substantially. I went from betting £10's and £100's to occasionally placing £1000 bets. I couldn't afford these as I live month to month. By Christmas I ended up £13,500 up. I remember one occasion when I placed an 8 fold accumulator and won £8,000 on a darts player getting a double on the very last leg with his last dart. The rush I got was amazing. My wife was sat next to me and I never said a word. (I have 2 young kids and feel I need to change for them and my wife) Since Christmas I have lost that winnings and have taken out £20,000 loan and built up £21,000 in debt over 3 credit cards and £5,000 overdraft. My bets have increased and there has been lots of time when I've bet £5,000 (my maximum with b*****r) on games. Any normal person would not even dream of placing bets like this. To me it's become the norm, until now. I have maxed out everything. This weekend I have just lost £1,000. I have just deposited £150 in the last hour from a credit card and turned it into £321. I have already earmarked the football accumulator I will put the full lot on tomorrow. I know the amounts seem crazy but they are honest figures. Deep down I know I have a MAJOR problem but cannot stop chasing it. I have had some big wins in the past and keep thinking the next big win in around the corner. I'm a fool. I keep thinking if I can only win 10k I can pay the biggest credit card off and manage the rest, but I know that's unrealistic and even if it did happen I would end up continuing to gamble and lose. The bottom line is for whatever reason at this moment in time I cannot fully accept I have a problem and stop betting. I don't know what to do (deep down I do). I know all the answers but cannot accept. I'm hoping someone has been where I am and can help.
Hi my friend. I am like yourself. Huge debts. Hoping a big win would pay most off. Truth is it won't. We both know this. I have been trying to do this for the last year and a half. And have just doubled my debt. It now stands at 12k for my 28k salary. I like you struggled to accept my losses. And only added to the misery. I hope I am wrong when I state this but if you don't accept this you will soon be looking at a 30 or 40k debt. Us gamblers can never appreciate what we have or out situation. We always want more. Please stop now, as a few months/years down the line you would be praying to be in the position you are in now. Be gamble free for 6month and see what the debt looks like then. I know it's hard. I am living proof. At 20 days gamble free it's goins take me ages to pay off my debt. I just wish I stopped sooner. Kindest regards split!
Hi hockd7
Welcome to the forum and hopefully the place that will help you kick this horrible addiction for once and for all !! Your story at the start will be the same as a lot of people on here start small and end up big and like everyone we chase the money we have lost and unfortunately this money we will never get back and we have got to accept this !! I would say I wasn't a big stake gambler but more of a compulsive gambler where my debt mounted up but in the later stages when I was betting online my bets were getting bigger and bigger as you have no value of a few numbers in the corner of your account ( i.e. Your balance ). Like yourself I am also married and have 2 boys but unfortunately due to gambling currently I am living away from my wife and boys and let me tell you there is not a worse feeling in your life than being away from the people you love, it feels a lot worse than any amount of money I ever lost at gambling and can only hope over time we maybe able to sort things out !! Unfortunately you say you cannot accept that you have a problem with gambling, but until you do accept (first step in the GA recovery program is " admitt we are powerless over gambling" ) you are going to struggle as you have to WANT to stop gambling for things to get better and your life become manageable ! I presume your wife is oblivious to you and your gambling addiction ? If I can only give you one bit of advice it would to be come clean to her and tell her everything including your debt, she will be very angry with you believe me but hopefully she can help you on this road to recovery that's if you WANT this ? I never told my wife about anything and this made things a lot worse albeit this was the 3rd time around I had been found out by my wife that I was gambling money I couldn't afford to lose, but I have had spells where I have not gambled and life is so much better ! You will feel so ashamed and embarrassed about telling your wife or anyone but I find the more people that know and me being open about my gambling addiction helps me very much ! I would also try to attend a GA meeting in your area if there is one and give the gamcare helpline a ring for advice and maybe even get some councilling. I hope you can get sorted and please forget what you have lost upto now gambling but think what you will lose ( your wife & kids ) if you don't STOP !
"It's good to talk and take it one day at a time"
All the Best
Darren
I'm in the same boat, however a lot less gambling debt - I found myself quitting just two days ago.
I kept chasing and thinking "if I get to ... I will stop". Just stop now. Withdraw the £321 and that can be the start of a new you and a healthy bank balance. It'll take months into years to become debt free, but after a few month just think how much extra cash you will have and your debt levels will go down hundreds or thousands every single month.
Your wife and kids - what do they want? If your kid comes in and says dad this is amazing I've seen this bike/game/jumper/car and id love it. If right now you sit there and think hmmm I can't afford that as I need to stick an accy on - a few months down the line you'll get great satisfaction from giving them their wish, seeing a smile all whilst your debt is being reduced.
This is all hypothetical and I haven't been gamble free for long - but it's the light at the end of the tunnel I can't wait to see (I have no kids, but treating my fiancГ©e is my motivation).
This may not help, apologies if so. I have just self excluded myself from online gambling sites. I recommend doing the same as it's made me instantly feel happier! Sat watching West Brom v Arsenal yesterday and I thought 'I can actually enjoy this and not care what happens' whereas not long ago I'd have been 'lumping' on something or chasing money in-play. Enjoy the football, enjoy the upsets, you won't ever be waiting on a team again.
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