Hi All,
I’m new to this site, I live too far away to go to meetings unfortunately so I’m getting online help, help there I said it I need help!
I’m 35 and started gambling at 17 so I’ve spent over half my life chasing money, chasing an impossible dream. My intentions like many others have always been good to win big set my life up and give to others. I noticed very quickly when younger that I gambled differently to all my friends, my first ever bet was £400 on a football match and I won (probably worst thing that could have happened). All my friends were betting £5 on 10/1 bets I was betting £500 on 1/5. I thought I had it worked out, bet big on banker results and it worked for a while. I have only ever bet on sports online never casinos, never lottery, scratch cards or anything else. Also I have only rarely ever bet in a bookies, handing over £500 in cash is so much different than a click of a button, online it’s like monopoly money it’s like a game (until it’s all gone).
I have a partner of 11 years that doesn’t know anything about my addiction, I have an amazing son of 2, I have a good job and good friends, apart from gambling my life is good but I’m very close to throwing it all away. I’m in debt roughly 15k all to gambling I’ve borrowed so much money over the years it’s embarrassing, without friends/family helping me out I’d be screwed. In November I finished a 5 year IVA and finally became debt free and hadn’t gambled for 6 months and what did I do, like an absolute idiot when all was good I opened an account spunked all my savings, got into loads of debt. I’ve recently took out a guarantor loan (credit is so bad) my mum was the guarantor and I manipulated her into doing it and lied about the reason why I needed it. I paid off 6 pay day loans and have got myself back to safety for now.
I’ve become a very good liar (not something I’m proud of), very imaginative with how to live with no money although acting like I have money. I sometimes feel like there must be a job out there for me that I can use these skills I’ve learnt to hide my double life. I’ve done every trick in the book, acted like someone’s committed fraud on my account, etc. My mum and best friend know I’ve had this problem in the past but think it’s all sorted now no one has any idea that I’m still gambling. Now I know that coming clean would be the chosen advice from many and I understand that completely but in my situation it’s not an option. My partner would be sickened by my lies she would leave me and take my kid away, this would no doubt lead to me being depressed and me gambling again. I have to sort this out on my own and believe I can.
I haven’t gambled for 14 days not great but a start, I have recently contacted all online sites and self-excluded using Fiverr’s service. Due to what I have said above about online gambling online only, now I can’t do that, I have put the biggest barrier in my way that I have ever done before. I have to remember that sickening feeling when everything is gone and your broke. The worst thing is and I know this will sound weird but I am actually quite good at gambling. So many times I’ve been up to 20k odd from £50 but I’m a terrible chaser, I have to get back to where I was rather than take a break and come back fresh when the right sports are on that I’m good at. Betting at 2am on Chinese table tennis is just insane. I used to pray for payday then I would wait up past midnight wait for the money to clear and spend it all before 7am, so when everyone at work was waking up to a fresh pay pack I had already gambled all mine away and now had no money not just to live but none for bills. I would have to borrow money, delay payments, etc all the time having to act like I had money to my partner. I can’t explain to you enough how taxing that was on me, but I managed to get through it time and time again.
Thanks for taking the time to read this, please comment back. I’m happy to hear from anyone even if you don’t agreed with me not coming clean to my partner. Trust me I get it I’m an intelligent man with a degree, but I just can’t do it I’ve got too much too lose!!
Chance.
Wow! I'm wife of cg. I know how it feels to be lied to. You need help and support and to admit to what you've done, especially to you mother. I would suggest you call helpline. Gambling thrives on secrets and lies.
Many thanks for all your help
Hi Chance, it's a familiar story and with the altering of a few minors could be written about me or any number of people on her. I am fairly new on these forums so take what I say with a pinch of salt.
What I will start by saying is that (and don't take this the wrong way) you aren't good at betting, it isn't a case of learning to stick to the sports you are good at because even those will show a loss over time there's only ever one winner.
The odds are such that eventually any money won by being good at it will just be handed back - bookmakers are more than happy to play the long game because they know you will keep coming back until there is nobody left to borrow/steal from - it's the nature of the beast.
Anyhow negativity over - dust yourself off and kick your addiction in to touch, best of luck!
Appreciate you taking the time to post.
I'm terrible at gambling i really am, shouldn't have really wrote that sounds stupid. When you make 20k off £50 you feel like your good but your not.
Is there a way to get a notification via email/text/alerts when someone posts on your thread or is it just a case of checking every so often?
I have thought the same thing so I guess it's quite common. You think that just a little more discipline and you will make your fortune - I have come to realise it's just not the case because the odds (even backing favourites) are still always in favour of the bookies. I think that unless you are the kind of person that has a one off bet, wins and then never bets again then you can never win. Unfortunately we are CG's so we will always chase losses - the best thing is to not create any losses in the first place so we win by never losing again.
Very true my friend
Hi Chance.
Sending you best wishes and hope you can finally kick your addiction.
I told my partner about my addiction and he admitted he couldn't help me. He just can't understand my addiction, and also couldn't help judging me and getting himself upselt at my losses. So although I'm glad I did finally admit my addiction to him, he couldn't support me dealing with it. But I can't help feeling that, for me, admitting to him was part of the process of stopping gambling. It's an individual choice I think.
And it doesn't matter if you're good at gambling or not. All gambling addicts are the same - it doesn't matter what we win or lose - we can't stop gambling. We just don't have an off switch that we can switch on and off at will. That's why the only way we can overcome our addiction is by not gambling at all.
With help from Gamcare and others you will overcome your gambling addiction.
Best of luck x
Hi chance
You might have become an expert liar but you're not an expert at stopping gambling.
I too secret gambled for 14 years odd. Am 40 soon and stopped 4.5 years ago.
I'm afraid your reasoning for not telling seems pretty warped. It's like you're blackmailing yourself into not telling her......if I I tell her she'll leave me, I'll get depressed and start gambling!
That's some pretty wild, negative predictions going on which, conveniently, all reinforce the safe, deceitful, cowardly option.
Unfortunately secrecy never works. Someone logged on recently to say they'd not gambled for 7 years and kept it secret. This person didn't track progress so it's limited value - and there's no mention of him having a partner.
Unfortunately the GC forum is littered with people who kept a secret and failed. You can literally read 1000s of accounts if you have time. I've read that many in my 4.5 years here.
EVERYONE thinks they'll be the exception. They really think that - just like you do. Most seem pretty intelligent too. Just like you.
Conversely you can see loads of accounts of people who initially say they can't tell, giving apparently rational but actually warped reasoning, but then do tell and get amazing results. Almost always, the only regret people have who open up, is that they wish they'd done it sooner.
Contrary to what some think, i've no hidden agenda here other than trying to encourage you to take steps towards healthy and sucessful living. I've personally had an incredibly positive experience from opening up.
Time to stop sneaking around. Be bold. You won't regret it.
Louis
Many thanks Magsy appreciate you taking the time to comment, it really helps me know there are people out there that care. Fingers crossed this time i'll stop for good, now i have blocked every site it does feel different this time around. Time will tell.
Cardhue, 4.5yrs without gambling wow great work. Really appreciate your advice especially from someone who has been there and is doing so well. Today for me even just being on this site for the first time is a big step, who knows how brave i'll be tomorrow or next week. It's a tough one, i'm thinking about the worse case scenario if i tell her, i'm really paranoid i'll lose everything.
Yeah fair enough completely understand the fear factor as I went through similar.
Good on you for posting on here
FEAR f*** Everything And Run or face Everything And Recover
Nicely said
Hi chance, once you tell you can start getting support and start feeling better. Your lies will trip you up and when your partner finds out, the thing that hurts the most is the lies. If you want to stop, let her know because she needs support too. I'm still with my cg because I want him to get better and be the man I fell for and a great dad to his kids. It is possible.
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