I had always gambled since i was 18, horses, football, basketball pretty much anything i could. I would wake up at 03:00 and log onto my b****5 and see what in play i could bet on, before i knew it the birds were signing and it was morning.
Around 7 years i ago it came to a head i was in debt and this was impacting my life with my wife, kids and friends so i got the help that i need to beat this terrible addiction.
Me and my wife sort the finances and life was good, i became the person everyone had knew me as before my addiction.
Around 2 and half years ago i relapsed one bet on a mobile app and things spiralled, i didn't tell my wife as i was so ashamed and and thought i could sort myself out, how wrong was I!
Life carried on and i ended up borrowing on credit cards, and getting myself in a right mess.
I could feel the dark circle closing in on me and the light getting smaller and smaller, I have stopped eating and been having terrible thoughts and feelings towards myself ( I know this is so selfish as i have a wonderful wife and 2 young kids), I haven't been sleeping and would wake up with night sweats, but this is how this addiction can totally consume you.Â
My wife found our dream home last week, I told her i didn't like it as i didn't want her to find out about my finances, Inside i was gutted as she works so hard for the family.
Yesterday I spent the day with my Son at a bike park and my head wasn't really there, so when I arrived home i did the only thing i could and broke down to my wife and told her everything, about money, how i was feeling mentally (not in a good place at all).
My wife was amazing when i literally broke down in front of her, considering this was the 2nd time. She told me she knew something was wrong as the house we had been to view was perfect for us and she couldnt understand why i didnt like it, since the viewing we had been distant and because of this she knew something was wrong.
The gambling has really upset her, but it was the lies that I had told her when she asked if things were ok i would just reply "yeah all find".
She couldnt understand why I hadnt confined in her straight away in her words "we are a team"
It absolutely eats me up inside seeing her so upset and disappointed in me.
We have sat down and ive been totally transparent with her, about debts, amounts, logins.
She has the cards and will be taking control of the finance and running monthly credit checks on me so i can be borrowing again.
Mentally im still struggling but this is a weight of my shoulders and IS the start of my recovery, Ive beaten this illness once I know i can do it again.
Im also seeking counselling to help me, as talking with someone is always a help, they dont judge you. Â
I have goals now: -
Remain gamble free for the rest of my life
Enjoy my family as they grow fast.
Purchase OUR dream home.
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Hi wafl
Stay focused and stay positive. Take it one day at a time. I know what you are feeling, and people are there to help.
It sounds like you have an amazing wife, I know it's not always easy, because of the shame and guilt, but being honest with your family will be a positive for you.
Enjoy your family and stay strong on your path to being gamble free for life.
Don't be afraid to reach out to people who have been through the same experiences.
I wish you well, happiness, and a gamble free life.Â
Thanks for your comment, I’ve spoken with breakeven today and waiting to speak to someone face to face.Â
It's crazy how much I could resonate with your story everything was pretty much bang on, only difference is my wife kicked me out, she started off very angry, we met last week and the anger seemed to have dissipated she is now upset and struggling to process everything. She tells me its the lies I told she cant get past but I have told her I wont give up on our marriage and will do whatever it takes to rebuild the trust no matter how long it takes.
I have been gambling free for a month now with no urges, probably because my sole focus is trying to salvage things.
Anyway wish you the best on your journey
@3g1x6dw0cl Hope things are going well your end with the wife and family. Im now 2 months GF and things are looking up. Crazy how 2 months ago i was probably in the darkest place ive ever been and now im feeling much much more postive.
take care.
@ir5f2s86ma Things for me didnt go so well, it was too much for my wife to handle and we are going to get a divorce which has absolutely destroyed me mentally and emotionally. I still remain gambling free and have the support of my friends and family but unfortunately lost my wife who is also my best friend. Hard lesson learned. Glad to hear everything is working out for you at least.
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