Hi
I'm 32 with a longterm partner and a young daughter.
After years of lies and secrets the truth about my gambling addiction finally came out 5 days ago when my partner opened an unexpected credit card statement. She knew I had got into ALOT of debt a few years back through gambling but she thought I was now taking control of my finances and had learnt from my previous mistakes.
I had nearly been 'rumbled' 2 weeks ago when a letter from my bank arrived saying a direct debit payment for paypal had failed. When questioned as to why I was paying substantial paypal payments I lied my way out of it and thought I'd just had a lucky escape. So when the credit card statement arrived I had nowhere to hide this time as it was plain to see- I had been gambling online and maxed out my credit card. Knowing my previous mistakes, she' demanded to see my bank account and after a day of hiding and hoping the whole thing would go away, I finally gave her my bank details so she could see the awful truth.
I have been betting thousands on online slot games over a period of the last year to a point when I lost 4k in one night recently. I have been getting payday loans on a frequent basis to pay the bills and to finance my addiction.
Over the past few days I have revealed my problem to other family members. It has been the most shameful and sickening thing and I am so disgusted with myself for the pain and suffering I have caused my loved ones. I feel like s**m, the lowest of the low. I have never cried so much in all my life. Why would I do this? What is wrong with me? I have an amazing partner and beautiful daughter, a good job and a nice home. The reality of my problem has finally hit home- I need help. Please let me know your suggestions
Hi Charlie,
Welcome to the forum. Your situation is not easy at the moment and the disappointment and despair will not dissipate over night but in time things will get better.
Your partner will feel betrayed especially if she was led to believe that all this was behind you when actually it was not. Winning her trust back is not going to be easy but perhaps you can show her you really want to stop this time and give her complete control of your finances. If you only have money on you for daily spends then the temptation will become more difficult to follow through on.
You could attend counselling or join GA to help you find out why gambling has controlled your life so that eventually you can regain control over your finances. Self-exclusion and blocking software will also help. Keep sharing on this site and take council from those who have been where you are now.
The highs and lows of gambling are so intense, the lows can really mess with your head and make you feel like a bad person. When most of us start gambling when never in our wildest dreams would imagine it getting out of control, it is a slow debilitating process that eventually consumes ever part of us. The recovery process however can be the opposite as things are slowly brought back to reality there can be an enlightenment that is truly rewarding. Sure the money will never be replaced and urges and casino's won't disappear but at least your soul can be restored.
I hope things move forward for you and that life will become enriching for you as you join the rest of us in the fight!
Take care,
Amanda
Hi Charlie,
Firstly great work for coming on here and taking that first step.
As Amanda touches on this will be the hardest period of your recovery, but things will only get better on a daily basis now.
Don't beat yourself up too much over things you have done and mistakes you have made - you have plenty of time and goodwill on your side to resolve those problems. I am not trying to pretend that you haven't probably made some pretty big mistakes, but they are done now and you cannot let them affect you negatively moving on.
You haven't posted for a few days so I hope all is well with you Charlie.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
