I need help. I have tried for a couple of weeks but as soon as there is money in my bank account I try a "last £10" in the hope of winning back what I have lost in the last 8 months of online slot playing, I now accept is addiction, and then I don't stop until everything I have is gone. Just now at 4.30am I check my account and due to a contactless payment I made 2 days ago and gambling yesterday I have £0. Absolute £0. My rent was due 2 days ago and 3 loans need paying. Also I have 2 children dependant upon only me. What the hell have I done. I'm also feeling sick from the wine I drank last night to numb the pain of all this. For months I have been in what can only be described as the twilight zone as I have tried to live amongst friends and family whilst my bank account is emptied due to online slots. It's like I'm being mugged several times a week and im doing it!!!! I feel absolutely I'll and I need help. i have never felt so devastated and alone with a problem. Worse I have to tell my mother today and I think this will break her heart. I have relied in her do much in the past but to have put myself in this position through sheer self inflicted idiocy and whatever else has made me do this??? Worse is it all started with a £900 win. God I wish that had not happened. I must have lost that nearly 10 times over since last May. I walking around unkempt and probably look to others like I just don't care anymore. I feel like running away and hiding but I must do something today, tell someone today, ring the helpline
Im frightened. So very frightened. I need help
It's now 5.03am and I just want time to stop. I don't want the day ahead that is coming. I want time to stop or to turn it back to the day I first logged onto game website. How do you cope with such a loss and get back on your feet
Hi Steffi, the terrible gambling addication has taken over your life, like it has mine. In gambling terms if you have £0 left you have reached rock bottom. I can empthasise exactly with everthing you say, I have not shaved for 8 days, I look like a tramp. This is what gambling does to you, it can strip you to the core. I like you take to the wine to numb the pain for a few hours, but now we are awake and the problems we have created with money stare us starkly in the face. If you have really £0, I really feel for you. but gambling will not bring you back from £0, it will put you into minus A BIG MINUS. My advice is to ring Gamcare today, ring Stepchange today, and tell someone close to you, you cannot beat this on your own. Also I send you a big hug, I know right now you will feel like you need one.
Hi steffi I've just read your forum and I can totally relate to what your saying , I've been gambling on slots and fobt machines for 26 years and there is only one winner in the and it won't be you !! .telling your family is always hard but you have to come clean it's the only way to start to recover . You must do all you can can to put blocks in place so you can't gamble anymore and you can start to get your life back . Today is a good day for you its the day you stop gambling and start again admitting youve got a problem is first step to recovery , well done !! . Keep posting on this site it is fantastic it has helped me so much , I've not gambled for 18 days now and if I can do it so can you !there is also a chatroom from 8-9 each night you'll get some good advice on there too and maybe seek counselling . I hope all goes well today steffi . Loz
Hey steffi..well done for coming here....I feel for you love...slots got me as well....i understand your fear and all the things you are feeling.....as a mum myself sge will want to help you...thats what us mums do....i dont meam in a financial way...i mean as support....please tell her love...yes sge will be shocjed and hurt ...but shes your mum....debts etc can be sorted...as long as you can feed your kids everything else can be sorted in a few days time....you have to be open and honest love...this will be the hardest thing....but you can do it....and I promise you it will feel better.....take a massive breath...ring the helpine...and speak to mum....we have all walked in your shoes my love....and will keep walking with you everyday from now on....xx
Thank you to Emily, Loz and Lml, your messages of support and understanding are very much appreciated and yes I needed a hug. I have done the most difficult thing and told my mother. She never a ceases to amaze me with her capacity to care and she has taken the news of the gambling and the debts so much better than I dared imagine. We are going to work on a solution this evening and look to repay urgent debts including rent first. She has made me promise not to do it again and it's a promise I feel I can keep now it's out in the open. The secrecy was fueling it as I chased a big win to put things right. I already have a loan in my mam's name that I repay and so we are going to look to increase it in order to consolidate things. Without her I would be homeless and I will keep my promise to her to have it stop now. The entertainment aspect left many months ago and since then I have only viewed it as a way to try and recoup losses. however I won't be complacent and will ring the helpline today to try and make sence of how I got to this stage and for advice on blocking gaming sites. Emily if you are free to speak around lunchtime that would be great. I really could do with speaking to someone that understands as it's very isolating. Thank you again for responding, I'm very grateful to you all
Thank you Loxxie, I spoke with you a few weeks ago but I paniced when I was short for bills at the end of the month and fell back into the trap. Yesterday was the last day I ever gamble, it has to be so the recovery can begin
Hi Steffi,
I prey you wake up feeling a little better than the early hours of this morning. I don't know if you have anyone you can talk too, but phone GamCare and they will really help. This addiction is awful! I honestly feel the pain in your opening post.
I attend GA meetings which I reallly enjoy. We have a lady (again addicted to slots) attend, then there are plenty of others addicted to FOBTs. Its not a room full of horse or sports betting addicts, we are all gambling addicts losing money in different ways. Honestly look for a local meeting, no forms to sign or anything, just sit down and listen if you wish.
Keep posting, read peoples posts on this forum, but like I said before give GamCare a ring.
All the best to you. Keep safe.
Hey steff...I remember speaking to you my love...and i totally understand why you panicked..we've all done that...
That's the past...today's all that matters...look what you've achieved in the short time of this day dawning...well done love...I'm sure you feel better...let go of all the losses....and start to re build....one day at a time....xxx
Hi steffi so sorry to hear how you was this morning and after what you have said hope you are feeling much better talking to your mum. Most on here have been in your situation and will empathise with you.
My only concern as I've been in your shoes before, suffered the online slots and debt is that even though you have spoken to your mum whether that will be enough. I would strongly suggest that you talk to your mum about getting some blocking software (K9 which is free), look at handing your finances over to your mum and getting some counselling from Gamcare. I was the same in the fact that I wouldn't stop until my last £1 had gone. My mum has known for a number of years but as I don't live with her the secrecy was still there which then leads to lies.
You have made such a positive step coming here and you will get lots of help, support and advice. Take one day at a time as it won't be easy but it can be done and you will get through this.
I wish you all the very best X
Thank you shep 72, im so grateful for your reply. How are you?
Hi Steffi,
I'm fine thank you. Taking every day as it comes, I try to control my stress levels at home and work, hopefully that's half my battle. A month gamble free has passed by and I'm really chuffed with myself. Of course I've got all my debts to pay off but I'm not worried about them as I can afford the repayments but it's going to take at least 3-4 years plus some savings. I suppose on average in the last 12months I was losing £500 a month! That disgusts me now, but before I owned up to my problem I didn't care! I had no concerns about how much I was losing. So my new addition is this forum and my GA meetings. These keep my mind occupied and take up my lunch breaks.
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