Hi,
Would like to introduce myself.
Im Claire and i have gambled since i was 16 and i am now approching my 30th birthday.
When i first started working at 16 i would blow my whole wage on a Friday night at the pub on slot machines.
I moved in with my other half and managed to not gamble so much as i had a mortgage to pay.
At 18 we found out we could not have children and since then i have gambling my emotions away with online bingo and slots.
Over the years i have self excluded and opened accounts in my husband and sisters names and close them and find more.
I had CBT therapy but it didnt help.
I closed my bank account and had my wages put in my husbands account and i have been using all my wage and he's money too.
Recently i have lost 4 relatives and i have gotten worse to the point we have no money for food and i have to keep borrowing money to survive.
Four weeks ago i smashed up my laptop with an hammer so i could not gamble but now i have started doing it on my phone.
I cannot do this no more i am so ashamed of myself and i dont want to lose my family or my husband and i am sick of making promises and letting myself and them down.
Time for action and would love some support.
Thanks for listening
Claire
Hi Claire, welcome to recovery 🙂
Bit extreme with the laptop but needs must I guess 😉 You need to get blocking software for your phone or downgrade it in order to break your Time-Money-Location triangle properly! Having your wages go into your husbands account is only good if you cannot access it so maybe time for him to order new cards etc?
I am sorry to hear of your recent loss & also your despair @ not being able to have children 🙁 You desperately need to find a hobby to bring a bit of light into your life! Something to distract you from this villainous addiction that, rather than offering you a solution to your pain, has taken so much from you already!
I don't know of the therapy you speak but just because this didn't work doesn't mean other types of counselling won't help!
Lots of support on here & many more people listening!
Time to rid your life of this nonsense & look forward to your future! You can do it - ODAAT
Hi Claire
I used my gambling to hide from my life. I could find a dark recess in a pub or club, and as long as I fed the slot machine I was in heaven. Nothing could touch me, and all my worries were forgotten. The normality of my life resumed as soon as I walked out the door, usually skint, usually more depressed than when I walked in. Gambling was my friend only when I had money, but it was not my friend because all it seemed to do was take.
Your 'escape' into the world of gambling is similar to a lot of people.
Counselling and GA can help you if you want it. Counselling for your gambling and other issues, GA purely for the gambling addiction.
As ODAAT has said, your other half needs to restrict your access to money and credit cards. Blocking software can be downloaded and installed to restrict any access to your online devices. Hobbies and interests are important to keep your mind occupied, keep you busy. I find that I have to keep the mind active, so I enjoy reading, crosswords, puzzles etc. If my mind is actively engaged I have no thoughts of gambling. By posting on this forum, I am not only helping other people, I am also helping me, by reminding myself constantly of where I could be if I return to my gambling days.
I have been clean for nearly 4 years now. Every day I do not gamble is a good day, because it means that I am able to wake up the next morning and not have to look in the mirror and see the person I used to loathe.
It's not easy to quit gambling. Don't be afraid to ask for support. You can do it if you want to.
Best wishes
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