To my peers.....

Hi Matt,

You've done the right thing coming on here, no one will judge you because ultimately we are all you! We've all done things we're ashamed of linked to gambling, gambled money that should have been spent on bills or the house or the kids, lied, lost our rags with the people that mean the most to us. It's part of this vile addiction. Now you're here, why don't you join the 2015 challenge? It gives real focus and is packed with people offering support, inspiration and advice. You'll find the thread in the Overcoming Problem Gambling section I think. It sounds like you are still managing to hold down a relatively normal life so it's great that you've sought help before it starts to affect everything that you do. You can beat this Matt, stay strong.

Rach

I know how you feel . Ive been gambling 8 years and spent much more than £50k do there are other people worse off than you. I am completely broke and stopped now for 11 days. Basically i have no money left so have to stop. I have used this time wisely and sold my samsung tablet, hidden my bank cards where i defo cannot get to them, moved my computer to somewhere in the house that everybody can see me on it. Ive emailed loads if bingo sites to block me and my bank cards and spoken to bank to make sure i cannot increase my overdraft via online banking. You need to think through all your steps to stop. Firstly get rid of your dads credit card. Can you give it back to you? Can you block computer? Give bank cards to your wife. Keep trying it is worth it. I got harsh words from someone on Gamcare but it really made me think. ITS ONLY YOU that can stop this

Thank you for your kind words Rach,
i was wondering how long it would take until i had a repsponse, only 20 minutes 🙂
This is very encouraging, 2015 challenge you say? I'll have a look now thanks 🙂

How long have you had the 'problem' for?

Matt

Thanks Poblwc,

Yeah, i found it was still linked to my paypal account so started to use it a week ago, 400 i racked up on it until yesterday when i finally removed it.

I came clean to him and my aife just this morning.

As we speak i am online on my willima hill account talking to an advisor about self excluding, but first, for a reality check, i have asked her to tell me the total sum of money deposited since june 2009.............. :/

Answer is....... since June 2009, £39383.71 has been deposited, thats just online, probably add another £10000 in shop easy........

My total withdrawals online since June 2009 are £15778.98

So for anyone reading this, you can see how much ive actually wasted to what ive withdrwan, which all went back in anyway.......

Reality check. :/

Hi Matt,

Sorry just been looking at all my debt as I have a phone appointment with a debt counsellor tomorrow :o/

My problem started Grand National day in either 2008 or 2009. I won which was the worst thing that could have happened. I had opened an on line acct as I didn't want to go in to a bookies (and I still never have to this day) as the person who usually put my annual bet on had moved away. Only a couple of quid each way, I won about £30 which was nothing to me at the time (it buys me a weeks shopping these days though), so I put it on the online slots. Won a few hundred quid and was addicted - that was it. My normal life over replaced with the deceit filled existance that I have lived in since. I dread to think how much I have deposited. I have opened and self excluded from more casinos that I even new existed a few years ago. *shakes head.

No worries Rach,

You shouldnt be so hard on yourself, your're here now and with the support and help of our peers we will over come and rise above.
There's more to life than a quick fix online, you just gotta look at your son to realise 🙂
Today i sat and did a 50 piece puzzle with my girls before heading off to my night shift, and for thos 20 or so minutes, placing a bet didnt even enter my mind, it was bliss. 🙂

I cant bring myself to self exclude from my WH account just yet, i dont know why, i just cant. I only have the one online account, opening others is not an option as my wife and i have a joint email account and the one i use for WH was deleted long ago, god knows hoe many emails thyve sent me!! ha!

Am i stupid?

Hello there, I really felt the desperation in your first post. 10 months ago I was where you are. I know how bad that feels.

I can give you a few blunt tips that worked for me right at the begining of my recovery.

They might seem harsh but you need a weeks distance between you and your last bet just to be able to breathe and see the situation through sober rational eyes.

you know how serious it is.

Firstly you need to commit.

If you don't start with commitment you don't start.

Make a commitment to stopping gambling one hour or one day at a time.

Self exclude from your online accounts right now and come back and read the rest of this when you are excluded. Commitment.

now, download a blocker for your laptop and phone. Do it.

tomorrow go and self exclude from any betting shop you know off.

Have a sit down with your wife, be honest. I'm sure your fed up with the lies. And tell her what you have committed to.

Find a local GA group and when the next meeting is and get there and learn.

Arrange a councilling session through this site or wherever you please.

if you do all this, in one weeks time you will be able to breath a bit and see the situation more clearly. This worked for me and that commitment is the best thing I ever gave my daughter.

You can shed all that pain you are carrying around if you stop one day at a time.

Read some recovery diaries.

you are not alone.

You have to want it,

Best wishes.

john

Thank you John.
That is sound advice.

Believe me i will try.

So hard.

Matt

It is very hard at the beginning Matt. It becomes easier and for me has evolved into a management of addiction from the safe zone of recovery.

Still not easy but a world away from what you are going through right now.

Here's some sound advice someone gave me.

You have to want change more than you want the next bet.

I hope it works out.

john

How to you overcome the urge to bet more than te deed itself? :/

Matt

You need to get blocks in place. If self excluding right now from your online account would stop you from having access to gambling until the morning then that is what you MUST do.

Once you take away the access the urge is redundant as the act of gambling is simply not possible.

You have to do everything you can at this early stage. Barriers to gambling are the most important thing right now.

Hi Matt,

You know that you can't win. Why? Because you can't stop so whatever money you can still potentially gamble with as you haven't excluded, will be gone. You know that. Even if you won tonight, the likelihood is that you would give the casino all that money back again tomorrow (that's if you manage to withdraw without reversing it in the first place). Most of us on here have lost count of the times we have been up by a significant amount but failed to cash out - if I won £250 my inner demon would urge me to go up to £300 but I would in the process go down to £150 so would then carry on to get back up to the £250 I had in the first place and so on and so forth. The story always ends the same way - I would lose it all. I couldn't win because I couldn't stop. One poor woman on here won the 30k jackpot, promised her family holidays and treats, and pumped it all back in the slots within a few weeks. £30k For goodness sake! My first thought was how could she do that, it's so much money until I remembered the time I did the same with £2k - a huge amount of money to me. Please exclude, for your own sanity and make sure that now you've started on this journey that you really mean it.

As for how to overcome the urge, there is a thread somewhere of things to do instead of gambling but like you said earlier, you sat down with your girls and did a puzzle with them - times like that are priceless and don't cost you a penny. You will remember moments like that when you're old and grey with a smile on your face. But, your memories of gambling will feel more like nightmares I am sure.

Be strong Matt, and good luck.

Rach x

Kind words Rach,

Your last paragraph really hit me and you're so so right.

Also ohn, your advice makes perfect sense too. I will exlude right now.

What do you both do when you get the urge?

Where are you based? John i take it you're in Ireland somewhere? And Rach? I'm in south east london, near crystal palace fooball ground.

Matt