Trying to get my life under control again.

Hi!

I never thought I will get in a gambling addiction. I was always so strict about gambling. I laughted at my boyfriend who would put a tenner a week on online slots. Sometimes he would win something, but mostly nothing. He said- you should try it, I’m gonna put ten pounds on for you, try it.   I laughed at him but at the same time downloaded the app he was playing and let him put a tenner on it. Sure tenner was gone soon and I laughed that what could you expect with an online gambling. But then in a next week when my boyfriend put on his app another tenner, I kind of reached for my card to do the same, like- o well might be more lucky this week. But I didn’t get in to habit of doing this at that time, everything seemed to be under control back then. Then this year in, it happened that my mom got in car crash and had to stay on sick line for a some time. I went to online slots and to my surprise I won a good amount of money. I was over the moon. I immediately sent some money to my mom, to help her recover after car crash, some money to my sister who was expecting a baby and was single mommy to be. The rest of the money I used to put on credit cards I had. Everything was fine, but to mention my boyfriend, it was rather emotionaly abusive relationship and I moved out with my kids. It was stressful move, as we went the route through Women’s aid, stayed in a refuge for a short time, then got a temporary accommodation, but happy enough to move in permanent housing very soon.  But I guess that’s were problems started. I thought I can do it again, so I went online and started playing again. I hoped to win a money to help with these house moves, to make these house moves easier for my kids, so I can furbish the house and make it feel home. Well, the money I put back on credit cards from previous win was gone in no time and I caught myself getting hands on my living money, I got behind with my bills and had to borrow from friends to have a money to live on. I realised I have gambling addiction and that I have to stop it immediately or my situation will get even worse. So I self excluded myself on gamstop. And to get my finances under control, I sighed up with a StepChange. Now waiting for my StepChange plan to start work. But it already feels like big relief as I was feeling ashamed and guilty in front of my kids, thought they had no idea and I hope they will never find out. I should have self excluded myself on gamestop for a maximum of time, but I only put six month, and I have a feeling I will have to extend that length as I’m not sure if I will resist going online after six months will pass. But for now I feel like I’ve taken some good steps to get my life under control.