Hi All,
First and foremost, I'm never quite sure what to write. But it seems appropriate to say that I do have a gambling problem!
For me it started a little over a year ago (I had previous bouts of gambling, but never what I'd consider an addiction). Anyhow, around this time last year, I was sent a "come back bonus" from one of the mainstream casinos, and thought that seen as I hadn't played for a few years, what could the harm be. It turns out it was the worst mistake I could have ever made playing the 'bonus'. I ended up winning £18,400.00 on a game of bingo. At the time, my partner and I were thrilled and excited, we paid some debts off, and had a little left over for a treat. A few weeks later, after paying the debts and treating ourselves, it felt as though the money was running out. I thought "what could be the harm in rebetting some it?". So, I used some of the last remaining funds to play again at a new mainstream casino. On that occassion, it didn't last long, so topped up with more. It turns out luck came in pairs and I won £38,940.00 on bingo again.
After winning the second sum of money, there was a period of around 3 months where I didn't even think about online casinos or gambling - in actual fact I think I didn't because a few family members and friends translated me winning twice into having a gambling problem at that point. Around June/July, I started to have periods of free time and thought about the online casinos again. I started to use the funds to gamble again. At first, it was moderate. The bet(s) ranged from £2.50 to £6.00. After a few large wins once again (£3,000 to 5,000), the money just kept rolling up together and I couldn't tell it apart. The bet(s) increased from the lower amounts to £20.00 to £50.00 per spin/wager. Before I knew it, the original money had dissappeared, and remaining funds were limited. I ended up taking a loan out for £10,000 under the illusion that I could bet it and win the money and some back. That day never came.
After all of the above, I ended up using my salary as a way to fund the gambling. Sometimes spending £300-500 per day. I'm now at the point where my partner knows nothing about it, and I feel totally ashamed of myself for ever ending up like this. Most days (well all) are filled with either actually gambling, or figuring out how to fund the next cycle of it. I've lied to my partner about our financial situation, spent all of our money, and have an overwhelming feeling of dred all the time.
I'd just like someone to talk to that won't judge my addiction. I tried to read and research gambling, but I feel confused. Some information made me feel like it is just a phase and it will pass becuase I've only been doing it a year.
I wish I'd never won any of the money. I was happy and had a good life before. Now it feels a total mess!
Thanks for reading - appologies for tpyos (from phone).
Hi slaw...
Firstly well done on realising your problem....and coming here for help....
You are not alone....id advise you to ring the helpine....read some diaries on here....you'll see loads of advice and tips.....
I could bombard you with dos and donts. ...but i think talking it trough with helpline makes it more understandable....
I know exactly how your feeling....I've felt the same....things can and will be sorted if you make changes...
Good luck....
Hi Slaw
You have made a great start here and you will learn a great deal from the forum
I think you now realise what gambling actually does to people and you will see thats its not for you as you cant win when you cant stop. Unfortunately any money out has reinforced your feeling that this is some sort of joy ride. It isnt and you are now realising that it never happens again and never when you most wanted it to.
You now have a journey of learning and putting on the right blocks so you dont gamble again. It takes honesty openness and we do generally recomend that you tell someone close if you possibly can.
There is no shame in reaching out for help and this secret will eat you up. You will now realise that your pride and self respect has been taken by gambling but you will get that back with a recovery program and the support of others.
You must stop now and I can best describe it as you must prepare for a born again moment when telling people is the least of your worries.
I can only stress that gambling destroys people and some of its little treats include divorce bankruptcy and homelessness. You must view this that you are extremely wise to stop now. Forget the money because this is now about your healthy state of mind. Gambling was a form of mind control or illness. Again there is no shame in admitting that it got to you as it affects people from all walks of life
Whether you have been doing it for 1 year or 10 years the addiction is deadly. Its not a phase and the addiction needs the fear and respect it deserves.
so please ring gamcare as many times as you like. There is much for you to learn about the addiction.
being gamble free is a wonderful feeling of freedom
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hey Slaw,
First of all, well done for coming here and admitting to your gambling addiction. You will find plenty of support here and nobody will judge you.
Read your post earlier but didn't have time to reply, however it struck a chord with my situation too.
I won't go too much into my long story however this time last Friday, I hadn't gambled for 29 days, but I had £60k credit card debts hanging over me and had a plan in place to tell my wife after New Year. The last 2 years of my life have been incredibly stressful and I caved in on Monday morning and told my wife everything. The gambling, the lies, the debts, it all came out.
I'm sitting here only 4 days later, still £60k in debt but have had 2 meetings with citizens advice who have been in touch with all the credit card companies and couldn't have been more helpful. Last night I attended my first ever GA meeting, something I wish I had done years ago. Not sure how things are going to work out with my wife and kids but I feel a hell of a lot stronger to deal with that part of it now I'm not gambling and have come clean.
So my only advice, which was the advice everyone game me on here last week... come clean if you can. Best thing I've ever done.
My wife's initial reaction is something that will live with me forever and a memory which will help keep me away from a bet. But after the initial shock she has also been incredibly supportive.
Good luck mate and keep posting, you're far from being alone.
I agree with coming clean. It's that extra deterent and support at week moments. It is also much easier to let yourself down than other people
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