Wife forgot (didn't care) about 1 year milestone. Trigger.

I haven't commented on many posts on here at all but really felt for you with this one. I don't have much to say that will be much consolation for you, but even as a stranger I wanted to say I am very proud of you for making it to a full year. You give me some hope that it's possible. 

I can't comment why your wife has not acknowledged this milestone, but I would suggest speaking to her and sharing what you've said here. She may have no idea that it has hurt you this much. I am also not diminishing your feelings at all (I completely understand why you are upset by this) but I think it's easy sometimes to focus on one occasion and lose sight of the bigger picture. You say she has been very supportive over the past year which I would ultimately say is more important than remembering one day. 

That said, I would focus on celebrating yourself for the rest of the night. Treat yourself in some way, remind yourself how far you've come, focus on some goals for the next year. Then start fresh tomorrow by speaking to your wife and reminding her how important this day was to you. 

I agree, your wife should at Least remembered you completed a full year, gambling free.

Not feeling appreciated, i wouldn't like it myself.

Don't let this make you relapse.

@cerrry93 thank you very much for your reply. It means a lot.

I did indeed celebrate by myself and it did not bring about any thoughts of gambling.

I wonder if, as someone that isn't a recovering addict she doesn't know the importance of the day? 

I'm not sure. Just made me feel so alone.

The recovery process can be a lonely one sometimes!

Wishing everyone the best with theirs.

@johnny57 thank you for your reply.

Indeed it is a strange feeling. I don't understand it. 

@jaysa609 

Im sorry you feel this way and I’d like to know why you felt GA wasn’t for you? To do a year is fantastic but I would suggest getting back into the room. I have a little saying that might help. Find a reason to do something, not an excuse not to. 

Saying that though, you’ve done the right thing by talking about how you are feeling so it doesn’t build up to a relapse. 

I have previously felt that significant others didn’t celebrate my good news in the way I wanted or thought they should have and I used that as the excuse and trigger to relapse. I thought I’d show them, it’ll be their fault. I know that wasn’t the case, it was my addict finding a way out. I too had stopped my meetings and I had no real self control. That relapse lost me everything again. My job, my flat, it set me back 5 years with another criminal conviction. It took that relapse to get me back to a meeting and I hope you don’t wait that long. 

As you have mentioned though, you still follow the program so I will try and use the orange book for guidance.

Firstly, you are stopping for yourself. The people around you get the benefit of your abstinence. I don’t work on stopping gambling for a pat on the back. I work on it because it was killing me and destroyed everything I ever had. 
Secondly, in my daily moral inventory in the orange book it talks about liabilities and assets. Watch for Self-pity. Strive for Self-forgetfulness.

Watch for self importance and strive for modesty.

Watch for negative thinking and strive for positive thinking.

Finally, one of the just for todays. Just for today I will adjust myself to what is and not try to adjust everything to my own desires. I will take each day as it comes and fit myself to it.

I hope that helps. 
Congratulations again on the year bet free.

Chris.

Just be proud of you and don’t worry about anyone else.  You do it for you…and then nobody can ever throw shade on your accomplishment!  That being said, here’s an “AWESOME JOB!” from me!!!

I get you, I've recently passed my 2 year milestone and to date my husband has said nothing !! My son said 2 years " well in mum"  I'm taking that's young person speak for well done lol.  But.....I'm not upset I no longer need my husbands approval, thinking back to my year milestone I still did. The longer you leave gambling behind, the longer you leave the hurt,lies,deception behind....You start to thrive off your own self worth and no longer require the acceptance of others. Don't let being hurt be an excuse to gamble, you have done great, really great. Take care self care, you've actually now past one year, one day at a time....2 years is on its way !!

Good Morning,

I resonate with your story on two levels. First of all, I went to GA to stop gambling and it worked yet I felt the need to stop going after about 5 months. I had reasons but I’ll not go into them. GA works that is for sure.

Secondly, my wife reacted in a similar way not just after a large milestone but throughout. I’m a talker and I can talk all day. I’d come home from meetings and feel amazing especially after feeling rubbish for so long and I’d want to talk about it. I got the impression my wife wasn’t interested and made out all I wanted to talk about was me etc. It hurt a bit.

After years I’ve come to my own conclusion about this. I think she sees me as the strong man’s man and didn’t like viewing me being weak…………. about anything. I deal with the finances, I take responsibility, I make decisions etc. During GA and after meetings I would let my guard down snd show a vulnerability that she perhaps didn’t know existed. She wasn’t ready for this. I don’t judge her. I need her for things and she needs me for things. I quickly realised that I was on my own with this journey. I came to Gamcare for support and to be able to talk.

I went over 4 years without gambling then relapsed because I was stupid - no excuses. Then I stopped again and I’m 11 days short of 1000 days gambling free. I won’t be stupid again.

My wife never talks about my gambling. Its as if it never happened. I’ve always dealt with our finances. My wife is brutal with money. She simply couldn’t do it. I told my parents the night before GA. The greatest shame of my life. My dad has never mentioned it since. My mum stoped asking after a few months. Sometimes people don’t get it. Don’t get that its highly addictive. Sometimes they might not want to believe someone they love has a problem that they may perceive as a weakness.

Either way, I don’t care too much. I changed my life. For part, I got tremendous help. Once I was on my way I did a lot by myself - research etc. I also get support here.

I was a crazy mad gambler and it’s like the few people who knew have forgotten about it or couldn’t face up to or process this.

Regardless, I have a good life and for the most part I’m happy and its all because I stopped gambling. If they don’t get it then so be it.

RR

@chris-uk

Thank you very much for your reply. Your advice is excellent.

I consider myself firmly a part of GA still and follow the programme. It's just the meetings that were the wrong forum for me. I read every day and am active on forums etc. I also believe that the first 4 months of attending the meetings each week has for now given me the tools, strength and belief to stay gamble free. I am well aware to ensure that I monitor this closely and am happy to attend meetings again should I feel the need / urge.

Thank you for reminding me of the liabilities v assets theory. A timely reminder.

Also a lovely 'just for today'.

@gdiddycourogen

Thank you very much! Appreciate it. 🙂

@charlieboy

My sights are firmly on the 2 year milestone now. I tell you something, my there is no way my wife will forget next year! Thank you for the advice. I have taken notice. 

@rouletteregret

Excellent advice. Thank you for your words of support.

You are right. I am a far better father, husband, brother and son as a result of my progress. Slightly better off financially although a year in is only putting a small dent into the debt accrued as a result of 20 years of gambling!

Thank you everyone for your replies.

Certainly, got me through a sticky patch.

Wishing you all the best in your recoveries.

J