Worried Sick

lesley6loc,

What you did in the past & what you do now can be very different if you can find the strength to stay in recovery. It's easy to give in & go back but this solves nothing & whilst you may have your head above water @ the moment thinking you need to lose everything to stop, I can pretty much guarantee having nothing does not make the demons go away! It will be the same fight whether you have money or not only if you don't, it will be this fight with added stress of where can I get money from?

It's not as bad as you thought but it will be if you continue to gamble & 'why couldn't I just stop' is horrible.

Try & keep busy, stay strong

- ODAAT

lesley6loc,

What you did in the past & what you do now can be very different if you can find the strength to stay in recovery. It's easy to give in & go back but this solves nothing & whilst you may have your head above water @ the moment thinking you need to lose everything to stop, I can pretty much guarantee having nothing does not make the demons go away! It will be the same fight whether you have money or not only if you don't, it will be this fight with added stress of where can I get money from?

It's not as bad as you thought but it will be if you continue to gamble & 'why couldn't I just stop' is horrible.

Try & keep busy, stay strong

- ODAAT

ODAAT wrote:

lesley6loc,

What you did in the past & what you do now can be very different if you can find the strength to stay in recovery. It's easy to give in & go back but this solves nothing & whilst you may have your head above water @ the moment thinking you need to lose everything to stop, I can pretty much guarantee having nothing does not make the demons go away! It will be the same fight whether you have money or not only if you don't, it will be this fight with added stress of where can I get money from?

It's not as bad as you thought but it will be if you continue to gamble & 'why couldn't I just stop' is horrible.

Try & keep busy, stay strong

- ODAAT

ODAAT

Thanks

It is hard to break the routine I have had for so many years , my evening is no longer ruled by getting everything done by 8 so I can gamble ,I let the kids stay up late yesterday ,and we watched a film , I should of enjoyed it but all the time I wanted to go online , same tonight but so far I have not given in , I have however eaten too much chocolate ,lol ....I might be 20 stone by next Christmas ...

Just feeling at a loss at the moment , changing habits that have become part of life is harder than

I thought , its not just the gambling its everything I used to do that allowed me the time to gamble also ... I find myself at the moment with a lot of time on my hands ...

Lesley6loc

That is a common problem & I really struggled with what to do with myself. Fortunately I have a dog and although I didn't realise it at the time, walking him can be very time consuming and very therapeutic when I am not sprinting about with him making time to gamble. Once you realise that you are not pressed for time, you will hopefully start to enjoy the special time that you have with your kids in these years that you cannot get back. I missed out on that with my Mum being a compulsive gambler & even if she stopped now, it's too late.

I read trashy novels, played daft computer games (fortunately this has passed) & also purchased colouring books as well as going online to read other people's advice to help me on my journey.

Great work not giving in - ODAAT

Hi Lesley

Well done so far!!!

I feel we have a lot in common - online slots, constantly making time to gamble, losing most on days off, getting the kids away to bed to enjoy gambling. It is normal to feel you have so much more time on your hands now you have stopped. I have so far spent several hours extra doing housework and also watched more films with the kids. It is hard to concentrate at times as we aren't used to doing it but you know these things will all improve given time. Look forward to what you could spend money on .. maybe plan something you want to save for with the family and work out how long it would take. I've found this a big help in my recovery so far (only day 5 but looking forward to seeing the days roll by). Imagine how much happier those around you will be when you can use the spare money for fun family stuff. I also wasted £300 Christmas Day night - and it just makes me think I could've spent that money on my kids!

Stay strong - we can and will do this if we have the determination. I think we DO!

Clare

Hi Lesley,

congrats on making it this far. I'm in the same situation as you, waiting for the banks to go back to normal so I can see where I am for the month...

I've beento a few GA meetings and found them helpful. I only ever gamble online, so for the past couple of years it's been the biggest secret and meeting people face to face really helped.

I hope you get through the next few weeks. And you're ending 2014 not gambling so that's something at least!

take care,

eve

Thanks everyone for your positive comments , I am not normally a tearful person but they have made me cry ... I hate the thought of gambling and feel awful that others are in the same situation , its so sad , mornings are the hardest for me I would get up early and play the slots before the kids get up ,most mornings we are late especially if I have won ,reading all the comments people have been posting has made me realise how stupid I have been , in the past I phoned in work sick just so I could gamble , I have been late for school too many times , thinking how life must be for the kids also is keeping me strong , its a strange feeling reading other posts knowing that you yourself are the same , things don't ring true until you see them in black and white , I am that person , the one who gambles all our money away , the one who makes the kids late for school,the one who neglects the house sending the kids with yesterdays uniform on,I'm the one who never has money when the kids want to go out to the pictures etc....its me everyone is talking about ...I feel like an utter looser at the moment its hard to believe that I am talking about myself ...

I haven't gambled since Christmas day ...

So change those habits. You dont have to be that person. You have choices. Attend Ga, see a counsellor (rbt & cbt are useful). Until we directly tackle our problems we will continue to use the only coping mechanism we know(gambling). I spent 37 yrs using different behaviours to soothe my emotional problems from sucking my thumb biting my nails alcohol s*x shopping drugs gambling anything except facing up to what the real issue was. It was only when i decided to tackle those things which pained me that i found the peace to no longer use gambling as my solution. Gambling is not your problem, life is, gambling is nothing more than a symptom.

Habits are hard to break ...your tell it like it is approach it perhaps what I have been telling myself for sometime ...but one thing at a time is the best way I know ....gambling is not the cause of all my emotional and financial issues but it is by far my biggest concern at the moment ...

I know there are deeper issues and they may be the reason I gamble , one step at a time is all I can manage , I have booked yet another appointment at the docs ...talking helps ...just looked up nearest ga ..as for life it will change ....there are so many things I need to do ...this has to be a good start without gambling as a solution I will have to do them ..

lesley6loc don't be so hard on yourself! We all have been 'that person' in our own little worlds 🙁 This addiction is vile, it attacks others through us & causes us to spare no thought for anyone, not even ourselves. It sucks us into bright lights & stops our brains from functioning normally. Nothing you say is new, it is all stuff identifiable to gambling. You were that person, that is your past but this is your future & you start 2015 a better person that you were in 2014 with almost a week of not gambling under your belt! Seriously, that's no small feat.

The anxiety & self loathing will soon start to subside as you focus on being a better mother & spending more time with your children & remain gamble free. The housework & washing may well end up being a vital tool in your recovery & one step is all you need to take @ a time! This is a long arduous journey & gambling is never a solution, it just allows you to forget momentarily before coming back to slap you in the face.

What you are going through is 'normal' recovery pain...You are doing brilliantly & you must do this your way - ODAAT

Hiya Lesley

Well done on five days - you are only one day behind me and hopefully we can both stay on track so that you are always just one day behind 🙂 You've obviously realised how much of a negative impact gambling has had on your life. But you are now heading in the right direction for a gamble free future. However difficult it may seem, use this forum for support when you feel a little weak and gain strength to suceed. I think you can do it and I look forward to following your journey - keep posting 😀

Clare x

Its wonderful that you are attempting to solve your problem Lesley & i wish you every success.
I have not had a bet in 7.5 years & what i have seen & learnt in that time is that direct action against our addiction is the only thing that works. I know it seems overwhelming to tackle all your problems but just making a start anywhere will empower you to feel strong enough to take steps against them.
I was asked what i was prepared to do to beat my addiction.
My answer was anything, it had me beaten, to carry on gambling meant imprisonment suicide or a mental institution. What advice have you been given on barriers to help you in the early part of your recovery

Dan

I have no advice as such not unless you count on line help and the help of my gp (if you can call it help) he told me it was my situation and that I was exhausted ...he referred me to a sleep deprivation clinic , So no help that has been useful , my mum thinks I'm depressed but she is never really around long enough to know much more about me ... I don't know that my gambling has ever made me feel suicidal , just very sad , sad that I cannot stop , I don't particularly enjoy it and most of the time I don't know why I do it ...Lesley

(

But at day 6 you are on your way to stopping gambling. You say you don't understand why you gamble and it doesn't make you happy but it will certainly make you sad.

Is there anything else you can do instead of gambling - filling time with other things may be the way forward. Given time away from gambling you may begin to feel happier but it may take time.

hope you're well

Clare x

Hi Lesley

I found it very hard to break the habit of gambling. My brain craved for action for some time and I realised that I needed to almost rewire my brain because of the many years I had gambled. My brain controlled me and many of my thoughts and actions; I wanted it to be the other way round. I found that word games helped and although they made my head ache at first I soon found that I got better at them and I really did teach my brain new tricks and increased my vocabulary as a bonus. I went on TV and was a contestant on the programme Countdown. I did okay but the journey was much more important than the destination and was a massive influence in me finally breaking the destructive cycle. When I think of gambling now, or watch sports or horseracing, I can do so in the knowledge that I don't want or need to gamble. It took me a while to reach this position and I was reliant on having barriers in place to stop me, but eventually I left the addiction behind. I used to constantly think about gambling, whereas now I think about a huge variety of things.

I like the way that you have highlighted for yourself many of the downsides of gambling and I know it won't be long before you have an even more impressive list of the advantages of not gambling. You can only ever tackle this one day at a time. In the words of the Leonard Cohen song, Anthem, 'Don't dwell on what has passed away. Or what is yet to be'. Good advice for anyone looking to change their life and make it better for themself and for their loved ones.

Take care and don't lose sight of your goal.

Ken