2014 Challenge

just checking in on day 9 feeling good staying strong, welcoming double figures tomorrow 🙂

Hi Mr B. I have to confess I have just had a week of betting online again. Since getting back off holiday where I couldn't gamble and not spending much money I was suddenly back in the U.K. with access and spare cash. So found a site I could register on and have been playing all week.

However I have come out unscathed in that I didn't lose any money and add to debt, but have realised how much time it wastes as you think just one more until I'm back to even then stop. That is exactly what has just happened and I withdrew knowing that I don't want to waste any more time.

Sorry for rambling but back to day 1 and with exams in 3 weeks it is the best time to quit this for good. I'm even saying to myself I don't need to do this as my financial position has improved greatly from the start of this year but maybe my blocks aren't strong enough.

Afternoon all,

Just finished lunch at work while most of you lucky so and so's will be hopefully enjoying the Bank Holiday!

Thanks Drew - you're absolutely right, it was Kyle. He's from Cumbernauld near Glasgow and believe it or not he isn't a writer or author, although his posts would certainly lend themselves to leading you to assume that. Superb writing style! If anyone wants a brilliant read, Kyles first diary included a short story that describes in incredible detail his first gambling experience - it is a riveting read and highly recommended - it's over on the recover diaries (currently on the 12th page of diaries). The author is KRS, the thread is called "My new diary by Kyle the CG" and the short story begins at the top of the 7th page on the thread. I think it's called "Sure Sharp". The imagery is just amazing!! Enjoy the read and post your thoughts folks!!

RST18 - not good fella. Not really much to say that you don't already know yourself, but think you may need to consider your motivations for stopping - financial, emotional, mental, family etc. "Maybe my blocks aren't strong enough."..........ehhhh, yup, think that's a must for you soldier!! Let us know if you want to continue with the challenge - would be great for you to stay with us, but it comes with the need for that absolute commitment that you're going to fight for self and team to beat this. I hope you make the right call!

Take care everyone and will try to update tomorrow.

Mr B

WOW!!

I've just read Kyles Diary!

Just reading it makes feels like i am him!,I can picture all the things he is describing,you can tell it is from the heart and is a day he will never ever forget,

If im honest it has taken me 10 minutes just to write these words,To begin with i couldnt even think how to phrase it!

for anyone who wants to read the direct link is

http://www.gamcare.org.uk/forum/index.php?tid=147227&page=7

After having posted earlier I too read Kyle's diary and has really put things into perspective. I would like to carry on the challenge and have blocked and changed passwords on every site I have ever used (something I hadn't actually done before, maybe that was because I knew deep down I didn't really want to stop but just wanted to clear debt and save money).

My mindset now Is that I do need to stop for a better future. Got online today and searched for something I really want to strive to do and that is to take a 1 year internship working abroad. The program's costs between 1-2k, which is normally what I used to lose in a couple of months.

So this is a new incentive and I also have 96 days until my next holiday, so to motivate myself I have set a target to save each day so I can really enjoy my next break, knowing that I will pass the 100 day mark while sitting in the sun 🙂

Really glad to hear that RST - actions and words soldier. We'll hold you to your holiday commitment Sir - next stop.......foreign shores and joining the Century Club!!

Time4Reform - it's a pretty amazing bit of writing huh? I think it's a great read for anyone on this site no matter what stage of the journey they are on. Thanks for posting the address for it.

Also wanted to call out Del and Adam again to say thanks for their tremendous contribution to the update this week. I'm still looking for a sub 50 day clean volunteer for this week.

Have a nice night everyone (unless you're a Palace fan in which case I hope you're not happy with the result later 🙂 !!!)

Mr Brightside

Thanks, Mr B, for calling out Kyle's diary. It is definitely worth an hour of anybody's day. It is unusual to find someone who so eloquently describes feelings I'm sure all of us compulsive gamblers can understand.

When I first realised I had a problem, one key reason I kept my addiction a secret was my own incomprehension that a sane, rational, educated person could fall into the gambling trap. I managed to succumb, to insanely plough thousands of pounds into a faceless machine and claimed it made me feel connected and alive. There are so many normal, intelligent, rational, kind people on this site and in this team; it is truly humbling. You ground me and help me stay strong; thank you all.

Hi Mr Brightside. Just a quick thanks for your continued words of encouragement. I've read a bit more of your diary now and the way you've been fighting the battle gave me a huge amount of renewed hope. Thanks also for this thread - brilliant idea, and as everyone else has said, really grateful for the amount of time and effort that you put into it. Have a great week and sorry you didn't get the result you wanted in the football !!

Checking in day 10, Some urges but managing to fight them off.

Mr B - Happy to do the interview question thing if your still looking for someone on less than 50 days

Checking in today and continuing my struggle to get a grip of myself. I have been so close to that first bet many times in the past few days. Life currently lacks direction and meaning and the bookies have been tempting me. I have even been breaking one of my main barriers of avoiding gambling websites, I have to admit I have checked the odds on a few sports bets that I fancied this last week.

I have to be honest and say right now I don't see much light at the end of the tunnel. I can pay my debts and I can get to a position where I am living life without gambling, but it doesn't fix the past. I have destroyed myself through my gambling and now live in a shell of a life. Life is empty for me and this is what I am struggling with.

I was very close to giving all this up, I was going to have that first bet and leave this challenge. I have decided to fight on, I am going to start a new diary from today and forget the past and try and get some sort of life together.

Hi everyone. I'm hoping it's ok that I join this thread.

It's been about 10 days gamble free for me. I'm pretty determined to give up and am currently waiting for CBT which I'm hoping will help. I've finally accepted that I'm not going to sort this out by myself, which is the leading to the big one - telling my GF, which I'm utterly terrified about. She is amazing, and I know the balance of probability is that she will support me. IF she decided to kick me out, which she would have every right to do (she is successful and sensible, I'd finally started getting to that point in my life but have ruined it through gambling) I don't know what I will do. She is away on holiday at the moment (guess what the real reason is that I couldn't go?) so I went on a two day drink and drugs bender at the weekend. It's not really helping with the feelings of depression I have right now. But better than gambling I guess, at least I had fun!

So many echos of whats going on with me in other peoples posts. Stay strong everyone and well done on abstaining.

Anyway , that was a bit of a ramble. Will try and check in again by Sunday.

Sorry Mr B - have been so busy this weekend that I forgot to say: CHECK IN! My Day 65. :o)

Best wishes to all.

Joanna

(Palace fan - sorry again Mr B!)

Evening everyone!!

Front page has been updated - 13/31 check ins recorded, 3 missing soldiers are back safe and sound, plus we have a potential new comrade to join the ranks........

Welcome Dot83 - sounds like you've made a decent start in stopping (if that makes sense!). re your girlfriend, I think the general consensus among the team would be that having no secrets is key to recovery - whatever happens with your relationship, it's not fair on her for you to have this tucked away and hidden. If it's out she can support you if she chooses to and you can build the solid infrastructure around you that gives you best chance! If she chooses to do something differently then at least you know where you stand and you can both then move on to a new normality. I've left a note for you on the very first post on the thread on page one - would be delighted to have you with us!!

Bornagain - so good to see a new diary and the double determination to stay clean but importantly to look forward to your new life. You're such a special guy - it hurts to see you the way you've been - looking forward to hearing about you spewing on a school kid tomorrow 🙂 March on soldier.

Time4Reform - it would be superb if you could send me the answers to the 5 spotlight questions - you're up to bat for the update this Sunday! Many thanks for volunteering and please send to the email address on the front page in advance of the weekend!

Baggins - just as well I love you!! That's all 🙂

Congrats to Bornagain, Scambling and Spaingone who are all celebrating big milestones today - superb going folks........do you realise that between just the 3 of you that you have a collective clean days total of just a few weeks short of a year? Outstanding performance soldiers!! Thanks for your commitment to your future......and also to this challenge.

Keep moving forward team!!

Mr Brightside.........149 days today.

Love you too Mr B - but isn't it amazing what you can do in 11 minutes...? x

Congratulations Mr B on 150 days gamble free - you are an inspiration to all on this group. The amount of time you spend on gathering all the data and keeping us all up to date is commendable and shows the effort you are not only putting into your own recovery but also for the benefit of all our recoveries. We all have different stories, lives, reasons why we are here but all the same in the end that something within us draws us to be CG's - what is it in our natures and makeup that makes us the way we are. The support you are giving everyone is so valuable in our own personal journey of recovery.

17 days gamble free for me.......small steps, small battles day by day we will win this fight.

keep strong everyone.

Mo