I'm back again after a long hiatus from Gamcare. Something that I should never have done.
My gambling is a lot better than it used to be. I used to gamble away important sums of money e.g money for rent, food, bills. Now I just gamble my disposable income and even then I am still putting some of it aside for holidays and upcoming events.
This is an improvement, but no means the end. I feel in a much better place overall than I have done in the past visting this site. I have begun a new relationship with someone who completely understands me. It's a long distance relationship, which means I need all the money I can get to see her. I've spoke before about how important I think it is to replace gambling behaviour with some goal that is a lot healthier, such as the gym or a new hobby. I feel that my want for this relationship to work is going to keep my gambling at bay and that is such a nice feeling. I haven't told her about my problem yet, in fact, I'm not even sure how? She will support me, regardelss. But, I still just don't know how to break that to someone so soon?
I gambled two days ago but I didn't lose much. As I lost the last penny it was a different feeling of guilt this time. That I may have spent away some valuable holiday money or that this feeling of sadness would resonate in the conversations I later have with loved ones. Immediately after I did something that I've never done with my gambling problem. Before it has been found out. My parents worked it out and so did my past partner. This time I told my sister. I took control and I admitted it. One thing I'm starting to realise right now is that in different points in everyones life they WILL NEED HELP. It's about admitting you need this guidance and accepting whoever it comes from.
I've been neglecting Gamcare and that's been wrong. I need to come here more often. To vent, to sympathise, to maybe inspire.
15/07/2015 is the last day I gambled. 15/07/2015 is the day that I feel like is going to be an important one in my recover. 15/07/2015 is the day I will remember every time I think about gambling. I'll think about the promise I made to myself.
Nice post ryan keep working towards your goals and more importantly keep being honest with yourself and those around you.
All the best
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