How do I come clean to my partner?

I wrote a letter and this was probably the best option I could have taken. It meant that I could say everything I wanted to say without getting flustered or upset, emphasise the fact I had a plan to sort it in place, and demonstrate that I had been taking actions to get over this.

I only did this 2 days ago, but I wish I had done it years ago! Especially since the damage would have been a lot less! I waited until I had just over 5 months gamble free under my belt to prove that I could tackle this and was making progress with debts, but tbh I wished if told her earlier as it feels so much better to not carry around this secret burden anymore.

To be honest theres never a good time to tell your partner. When I told my wife, it was hell for a good week or so. However if she didn't know, I would probably still be betting now and after 6-7 weeks of no betting, my wife and me are much closer now I'm honest with everything.

Telling your partner sooner rather than later is recommended. They WILL find out eventually

Thank you NeverAgain and Henry, I really appreciate your comments.

It’s so difficult to know what to do. Fact is, I will do it. You’re both right and I know it’s the best thing to do to help me and us in order to get past this.

I don’t know what I’m waiting for, maybe if I had more GF time under my belt then it’ll prove how committed I am. I also don’t want to let them down either, so I need to know I’m in this for the long haul.

Only day 6 GF and still waiting to hear back for 121 counselling.

I hope it ends up bringing us even closer like you and your wife Henry. You must have fantastic support behind you and well done on your GF record!

Thanks again,

Sjr

Good Luck Sjr!

It sounds like you are taking all the right steps to clean up. This will help you when you eventually come clean to your partner, no doubt it will be rubbish but you have taken steps to tackle the gambling unlike many who only take steps when people have found out already.

Regardless how it goes with your partner, you will feel much reflief that its out, I wish you well!

I was personally caught 3 times and the 4th i told her myself as i believe that was me actually telling myself that i was done and enough is enough. i wont lie there were tears and i could see she was emotionally crushed but it has helped me so much and i would really urge you to do it.... a moments pain for a lot of pleasure as they say.. just remember you will never look back and say i wish i had never told him.

good luck with it all nad let us know how it went :]

tunnie x

Thanks Henry and Tunnie, I appreciate your comments.

I’m now 13 days GF and getting stronger by the day. Having built this momentum I know the day when I tell my partner is drawing closer. I wish I never got myself into this situation but hey ho, nothing we can do about it now 🙂

The time I finally told someone close to me was my sister, I was in absolute pieces and crying my eyes out for the mess that I had created. He knew something was terribly wrong but I told him I will tell him when the time is right. He said then, and has said since that we can work through anything.. unless I have been unfaithful but that’s not the case. I’m scared he will see me differently though.

I’m just mulling over things in my head and working myself up on how he may react. Still waiting to hear for the 121 counselling and will see how that goes.

I imagine I will tell him after that, as he needs to know how committed I am about changing my life for the better.

Thanks for sharing your experiences with me, it’s been really helpful and I agree with you that it has to be done.

I’ll keep you posted and hope I’m not single by the end of it! 🙂 x

you have just said it yourself... he has pretty much already told you that he will stick by you which is a huge positive... he probably thinks its going to be much worse than it really is. just remember that money comes and goes. he definitely sounds like a keeper and now by knowing he will stick by you , you have nothing to lose... this may not be the right way to describe it but gambling is an addiction and an addiction is a serious illness... if you were a smoker and were told you were seriously ill becuse of smoking would you tell your partner or would you be ashamed that your addiction has caused this? just remember unlike with other bad addictions no one has died or is dying and with clear supports and blocks in place you can have a wonderful GF life with your family :]

keep us posted :]

Please don't leave him hanging for the big reveal. Mr L did that to me first time round and just for an evening and from experience your partner is going to be imagining all sorts. Second time round I was left to piece it all together for myself and as each new horror came to light it was devastation all over again.

If you can't bring yourself to tell him face to face, write a letter but either way do it as soon as possible. He deserves to know and not wonder.

Sjr12

Well done for reaching 12 days and for recognising that you need to confess to your Partner. Do it today, 'just' say it, write it, whatever. There will be hurt and pain caused but whilst you think you are close to the day of confessing you are still being manipulative, to yourself mainly.

Every GF day is a chance for you to minimise, it also reduces the likelyhood of you actually confessing. You are still waiting, hoping that something happens that means you don't have to tell all. Please trust me, I've been in your situation many many times!

Today would be a good day and best wishes on your continued recovery

hows things?

Hi Guys,

I guess I’ve been really quiet on here recently, this week in particular has been so hectic I’ve barely had the time to think about gambling let alone tell my partner.

I don’t mean to leave him in the lurch - I guess I’m selfishly getting myself in the right place. Day 21 GF and I’ve just had my first payday. Wowzer are things tight, paying off debts because of this mess I’ve got myself into.

This mess however does not effect my partner in the sense that we are not financially dependant each other. I guess that makes it easier. I need to come clean for my moral support, and I also don’t like keeping anything secret. He’s not asked me since, and he knows that whatever it is, I got this.

The time will come, sooner rather than later. I will tell him when I’m back from holiday.

Thanks,

SJR