I am 28 years old. I have been fighting gambling addiction for eight years now, since I left school. In that time, I’ve worked hard, gotten promoted, earned more than most people around me, and yet I have nothing to show for it. Every time I get back up, I fall again. Each relapse worse than the last.
I keep telling myself never again. I self exclude. I delete apps. I block websites. I even installed Gamban and paid for a full year because I knew I needed more than willpower to stay clean. For a while, it worked. I was finally getting some peace.
This week, I lost About 4,700 euros including the month's salary. Money I’d been saving carefully since the last time I stopped. I even lost this month’s salary. I have bills coming up, and I had promised to get things for my siblings when they return from school. Now I can’t. I feel ashamed, weak, and empty.
I know exactly how this story goes. It’s the same every time. First a small win, then the rush, then the foolish spending. When it’s gone, I start again, not wanting to touch my real savings. Then I lose again. Then I chase. And I keep chasing until there’s nothing left but regret.
I once joined a local support group, but the person assigned to me kept missing our appointments. I thought about telling my family, but they wouldn’t understand. Most of them aren’t really educated, and they don’t understand how addiction works. Some of them have their own habits — drinking, overspending, things like that — but no one ever calls it addiction. They just say a person can stop if they want to. If I told them about gambling, they’d say the same thing. They’d think I was being stupid or weak. They wouldn’t see that it’s not about greed. It’s about losing control of your own mind.
Even with my friends, I couldn’t tell the truth. So I made up a story about an imaginary friend who was addicted and broke. I used that story to warn them, to protect them from ending up like me. But their responses were always the same — “he’s greedy,” “he should just stop,” “he hasn’t lost enough yet.” And every time they said that, it reminded me why I couldn’t tell them it was actually me.
Eight years. So many relapses I’ve lost count. Millions gone in local currency. I’ve built and destroyed myself over and over again. I’m tired. I’m scared.
PLEASE HELP!
I feel for you as iam also in the same exact situation as you, trying so hard to fight and get rid of the addiction. I lose over 2k every month and I don’t know what else to do, tried everything yet nothing seems to work
It's really painful to be stuck in this cycle - I know! And you sound really lonely with it as you can't talk to anyone. I understand that too.
What has helped for me is to refocus away from just 'trying not to do the bad thing' and looking into the emotional reasons why I kept relapsing. Everyday stuff like being frustrated or feeling powerless at a situation and then not having a healthier way to process those emotions (the solution being, devise healthier ways to process those emotions! Exercise, write stuff down, stand up for yourself, *rest properly* (really important that one)). You won't think the urge will pass but it really does because you've dealt with the thing that was making you THINK you wanted to gamble.
But as well as the everyday things that trigger you, there can also be really deep old stuff that is keeping you in this cycle, like it being a rebellion against/reaction to not feeling you had enough as a child etc. That kind of thing can take longer to untangle but it can be done. The past is the past and we don't have to keep living as if we are experiencing what we once did.
If you can get yourself referred through the GP for some counselling that might help. Just to have someone non-judgemental to offload to and be honest about where you are with everything. They should take you more seriously than people around you who dismiss what you're going through. Then from there you can start the long work of understanding how you've got to where you are and feeling more compassion for yourself.
I honestly feel for you. I think if you can get to a place where you can stop beating yourself up for what's been happening, in fact feel compassion for the suffering you've been going through, you can move forward into a better phase of life where you realise this has all just been what they call a 'maladaptive strategy', i.e. a mistaken method to feel better about "underneath" stuff.
Wishing you all the best.
I did the same as you recently. Lost my savings that I built up having not gambled for a year. Was walking past the bookie I managed to walk past for a year and went in and found a game I loved. Start again.
We are available 24 hours a day, every day of the year. You can also contact us for free on 0808 80 20 133. If you would like to find out more about the service before you start, including information on confidentiality, please click below. Call recordings and chat transcripts are saved for 28 days for quality assurance.
