Hello everyone I hope you are keeping safe during this terrible time and are okay.
My names Rich 31. I have had a gambling problem since I was 18. I've lost thousands over the years to fruit machines. In bingo clubs, online. I sought help for it many years ago and I became gamble free for a long time
In the last year I met my life partner and we moved in together just a few months ago. We've a beautiful flat and I'm priveledged to have a full time job working in care with plans to train in nursing once the pandemic has settled.
A few weeks ago, having not gambled for months, I had a sleepless night because I'd been working a few night shifts and I suddenly thought about this slot machine that's very popular in bookies and online. I got up and deposited won a lot here and there on several different sites.
At this point, Ive lost nearly 2000. All of my savings and a chunk put of the next payday. I can't stop until I get the bonus symbols even if they pay next to zero. Ive lost interest in film, in reading, in spending time with my partner I'm distancing. From people.
I got. Home. Today after a night shift and whilst waiting for washing to wash,i went online and spent nearly 500 because the slot machine just took it all. I was sick to my stomach when I'd lost this. Kept saying why do you this to you? Keeping it from people. I feel obsessed with this slot machine. Thinking of it, watching videos playing demo versions.
I don't know why I, when I know full well, how much a slot machine in any setting can take every last penny you have do this to myself.
Just the other day I really enjoyed this boxset on amazon. And I thought okay perhaps I've turned a corner I could get back into some things I enjoy. Not ruining my life to this.
I installed bet blocker just to mention and it worked for me but then I searched during an urge of how to unblock it and I did.
How do I become free of this slot machine?
I want to be free of it and save my finances and everything I have whilst I'm in a position to do so.
🙁
Hi rich,
Have you tried gamstop ? You sign up online to self exclude. I really recommend it.
Also check if your bank does gambling blocks ? Its hard to ignore urges without the blocks
I really recommend gamstop to self exclude
Lou x
Hi and welcome to the forum.
You fight for your freedom by starting to realise this is an extremely dangerous addiction you wont fully understand yet.
You need the big measures of openness and honesty. Youve made a start but you need to tell your partner what you have been up to and hand over control of the finances for a long long time. You can both never be complacent about this again but you will heal with love and support
Temptation must be removed while you learn about this and heal your mind. You will build a new pride and a strong resolve. You can never be complacent again as its a drug addiction and you are vulnerable to its triggers.
I know how you feel. You are not alone but you must now start to see the reality that these slot machines are simply a mugs game. They are designed by devious people who actually use psychologists to build in strong hooks for trance play...when is a bonus not a bonus?...when its on a slot machine...its all there to give the illusion of activity...you are ignoring the odds like we all did.
Secrets are no good for you...you need family monitoring and plenty of reality exercises as you firmly focus on the money chucked away.
Your gadgets may have to be taken away and certainly monitored. Your partner needs to set the blocks and make sure you are self excluded from all of them and on the gamstop national register of exclusions. Forget the full trust ...thats a tiny price to pay compared with an addiction which ruins people
Fun or entertainment it is not! Thats how its sold to you and all you are doing is handing them your money for nothing.
You will build some self respect again by showing your partner what you are doing on a recovery journey...keep busy...do some more overtime... and take comfort in what is really important in life like relationships.
Please keep using the forum and asking any questions you may have
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hi thanks for you reply on my thread.
II agree with everything you are saying. I did tell my partner I think I've relapsed. He has been very supportive told me we will not go to bingo. He's helping me to budget my wages that have just come in and ensured I've put a bit aside to start building savings again.
Ive frozen all gambling transactions through my bank, bet blocker has been re instated but another member has suggested gamstop. This will be perfect for me in. Truth. Without the ability to gamble it'll give me time to reflect on what's caused this obsession and addiction. With that slot machine game.
I should. Take. Up. Some. Overtime at work. It'll help me distract from. Gambling and build up a savings fund again. I know I have lost what I gambled and I read a forum here someone was saying accepting you have lost what you've gambled is really important.
I feel better at this moment in. Time. We can be stronger. Than the power these sites have over you. I believe the reality of fruit machines is they are designed to lure you to addiction. I feel that slot machine game is posion and a drug. It hasn't gone yet I do. Fantasise about it and I will have urges but I need to write down triggers and what I can do instead. Ie go for a walk like
Thank you for your advice. I'll keep posting 🙂 take care
Dear Richwales1989,
Thank you for sharing your situation. You are taking some positive protective actions already so well done. We are glad that you are receiving support from other forum users.
We are available one to one on the helpline and LiveChat 24/7 should you need us. We also offer a range of treatment options.
Best Wishes
Fiona
Forum Admin
Morning 🙂
It's been 8 days since I last gambled and I feel its a great achievement but I've had some issues I want to. Write about to help getting my thoughts out.
The first issue is withdrawal. I'd never considered through my time with this addiction you can experience physical and psychological effects. Feeling low in mood, anxiety, strong urges to name but many. Im undertaking the course provided by gamcare and its making me feel better knowing that there are withdrawal effects from it.
The second issue is feeling guit and regret at loosing a large chunk of salary and living on a reduced income. Thankfully its not brought me to a point where I have no money for essentials like food transport rent.
Affecting everybody, we are in another lockdown. I did plan on trying to get out and window. Shop or get a cup. Of coffee so. To be restricted to home and work isn't helping distract from gambling. I realise I have to accept this and be aware it is far worse for others. Perhaps I've been selfish with gambling and didn't stop. To think how others are dealing with this pandemic. I'd like to try do. Something to help people? I don't like. To be an ignorant and selfish person. I like to be kind and considerate.
Aside from gambling there have been moments where I begin to feel mind settle and feel the posion of online slot machines fade. Also have started to experience pleasure from reading a novel that was on the shelf at work. I even became a little hooked on it. Also watched a lot of films. This week. I've always loved films and reading and this was my biggest source of relaxation during the years I was gamble free.
I find it difficult to think about the rest of life gamble free and it's hard to arrive at an acceptenceni can't gamble again. However if I just think of it day to day then week to week it's a lot easier.
I just want to say to others using this forum or reading this that honestly I know how hard having this addiction is. I know about urges, thoughts of winning it back rationalising that machines are fixed bad luck. I think about the thoughts after a heavy loss. Shame guilt sick fear feel like crying. Dont do it. I don't want to be there again. Use live chat or group chat or get your thoughts down some paper and know you are not alone either. You are not fighting this alone.
So I hope everybody has a lovely Christmas. Albeit different. To how we are used to it we will. Utilise all of technology has to offer us.
Stay safe and stay strong 🙂
Good evening, I hope everybody has a nice Christmas. I know it was different to how we would usually spend it.
It's been 15 days since I last gambled. I've got blocks on my phone and frozen gambling transactions. I need to sign up to gamban sooner rather than later to really cement the inability to deposit.
Since my last post, the withdrawal symptoms from gambling have reduced significantly. I don't feel a lot of anxiety or longing for the slot machine but I can't say it has completely gone. I have had a couple. Of urges or I've sat there and started fantasising about the bonus symbols coming up which in turn leads to fantasies... I take myself to that morning when I lost all of that money and reminded myself how that felt? It was enough to stop the fantasy.
I am only thinking to stop gambling day by and then week by week, I find it too hard to think gamble free for the rest of my life I find it helps me stay on track and not deviate from. Progress.
My next salary isn't too far away and I've worked out I will be recovered from the debt I got myself into as a result of the relapse and have the chance to start again. I intend to pay off a holiday thats been booked, get my credit card balance down and put a small amount of money into a savings accounts.
Having reached a couple of modules on gambchange and reading other posts here it could've been a lot lot worse and in retereospect, i stood to loose a lot lot more unless I stop this re lapse in its tracks.
I hope everybody else is doing okay and staying strong.
Have a happy new year
🙂
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