So payday was 2 days ago, I woke up early checked my online banking, then I made a dreadful mistake, even knowing that what ever amount I say to myself will be my loss limit will never be that amount, because I can simply never walk away winning or loosing, well fast forward 1 hour later I had spent my whole wages on roulette I made one final deposit which was the last of my wages, that meant rent money, bills money, food money, money to roll over my items on buy back all gone.
My last spin won, then over a few more spins I had all my money back, then I carried on lost most of it back, then won it back again plus a few thousand more.
So I cashed it all out, paid my rent got all my items from buy back ,back. And was still left over several hundred for myself. I blocked my deposit limits, but went in town today, straight in the bookies and lost a few hundred.
I sill have all my items ,laptop ,phone ,jewellery etc, and have paid all my bills and have a few hundred left over for the month.
What is most devastating to me , is that I have got to the point where I gambled all my rent money away, as well as working I am at uni, and I am starting my final year soon, but my self-destructive nature scares me so so much. Tomorrow I have to go back in to town, but in the morning I am going out with my card at home , and I am going in to the bookies with no money to self exclude, also I confessed what happened to my closet friend ,which I have never done that before, that way I am more accountable now.
Hi robert1979, good first steps , coming on here, confiding in a friend and starting to negotiate self exclusion. You escaped this time......Don't let there be a next time, count your blessings and move forward. Have you thought about some counselling? I did and was so helpful helps negotiate the first few months after quitting and to start that self change that is needed. . You highlight your self destructive nature and this is something you could work through with a counsellor. Take the next step phone the gamcare helpline and ask for advise and help....You will get it !!
The roulettes nowadays drive you crazy in the end. Lightning roulette forex. I would say that 70% just sit there until they are completely tapped out. They focus on % accumulations and get completely distracted so the small voice of sensitivity drops straight down the latrine.
The only way to survive the day is not to play. All addictions are the same. Sad but true
Best
C
Control is a word i spent a long time trying to associate with my gambling habits
i always thought i was in control because i wasnt going over my limits but in reality the limits were out of control anyway
i was fortunate i only started online gambling very late into my "career" and had little patience with it as i would always lose so quickly the chase is only fun if you actually manage to win otherwise the constant depositing just becomes tedious
i am banned from them all now , i suggest you try the same
I have been in this situation before myself. I was six months clean untill yesterday. I can totally kick myself 4 this I was doing so well. I feel like I'm about to lose everything.
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