Hi I have been around this forum on and off for a very long time. Did really good the last 2 years hardly no gambling mainly down to gamstop. Which for me works or did work. Never tempted for the bookies, my vice was / is online casinos.
Made the very foolish error of removing myself from the gamstop database when my last exclusion was up just before Xmas 2020. On and off gambling since then with some 5 to 6 week stretches where I didnt bet. It seems that I am just to weak to go it alone with the saftey net of gamstop. Im a few grand in the hole - something right now I can manage - even though i shudder when I think of what I can do with the money wasted.
Worse almost than the money lost - is the time. These days it makes me feel sick and depressed after I have finished a gambling session. Even when I have not lost. I get guilt trips because when im gambling im not working - (i work from home self employed) and not working means lower income. Add that to money actually lost and its not pretty.
I am not even a good gambler. Infact I have rare won ever in my lifetime of addiction. Im too old for this now - chasing the losses - dealing with the stress and anxiety and depressive feelings post gambling binge. So im back on Gamstop. This time taken the big 5 year option. I was resistant to that in the past always opting for a year / or 6 months.
Part of me wanted to prove I could do this alone - part of me wanting a doorway back to my addiction at the end of any exclusion period. The gamblers mindset always working. At least when I was younger I would enjoy sometimes what I was doing with the online gambling. These days - god its harsh out there. Insane games insane amounts you can bet per game or session. And I really cant cope with this anymore.
Im thankful at least last year did not gamble at all during 2020. The first 4 months of 2021 different story and one we have heard many times. So it is back on the wagon. Back to being blocked at every casino. Im glad for gamstop - it really has been a life changer for me the past few years since using it. But perilous when you decide to remove your details when your time is up.
Well now I have 5 years - where I wont be able to gamble online again. As said bookies are not my thing and never have been. And I have never bothered with none uk gaming outfits. When I dont gamble I feel so much happier - i just dont understand why I do this to myself. Anyway starting over - Self exclusion is set and here is to this year being from this point onwards another year without this wretched addiction reeling me in.
GL to everyone fighting this !
D.
Hi Deeno when i relapsed in october i had done the same signed up for gamstop only the 6 month option thought maybe i could gp back on but thought i be sensible how much i spend but of course you just cant be.
Well done for signing up to the 5 year option i dont know why that scares me i did go for the year option which was an improvement as before only did 6 months but will need to extend it before it runs out
Have you got any other blocks ie banking blocks and gamban ?
Lou x
Hi I do have blocks on debit cards. But used another method to deposit. I dont have blocks on my computers but that never helped me personally anyway. I always found a way around them. For me its about cutting of the source and basicially finding something else to do with my time. I think for some (many maybe) blocking software can be superb.
I hear you on the gamstop SE time. It did feel a bit weird choosing 5 years and I know in the future they will be times I will regret it. But also its final. No way around it. And for me personally if I can do a year without gambling I can do 5. Thats my reasoning anyway.In the end you have to do what you think is right for you - but a year goes quickly - so maybe think about extending before your time is up ? Gamstop can help with this I think.
Wish you the best with everything ) !!
@deeno It's good that you've gone for the 5 years, even the mindset that you can't gamble will help. See if you can do something else too though, as long term all you'll be doing is stopping gambling, not getting any tools that help you when the urge is so great.
Recovery is about change and being able to live life on life's terms, something as problem gamblers we hide from when the going gets tough or even if the wind is blowing the wrong way!
See if there is a GA meeting you can attend or give the Gamcare advisors a call and see if there is anything that they can recommend.
Chris.
Hi Deeno , try not to see things as a weakness. You left a door open and as soon as you could use it you did . Look at it this way now you are ready to abstain, I didn't really have an option but to go for the 5years option, my husband had just found out the extent of my gambling and was stood over me watching. If left to my own choice would I have chosen 1 year.....maybe, but now only a month shy of a year without gambling I'm so glad that I took the 5 year option. I don't want the temptation seriously, I'm doing great but there are still times when my resolve would be seriously tested and I've got a feeling that this will always be. After 21years of gambling I would be very misguided to think I don't need help with this....I do I need gamstop, I need transparency with finances, I need GA , I need gamcare. Use these things as part of your strength try not to see things as a sign of weakness. Admitting you have a problem that you need help to solve takes strength. I wish you all the best with your recovery
as gamblers we are hard wired that way , we want an easy ride ,a free meal ticket and something for nothing
unfortunately we usually end up getting nothing for something
i honestly don't know where i fall on the spectrum of problem gambling anymore much like yourself will go weeks and months without a punt have a little blowout and then give myself a tw@ t around the face for being silly
do we need gambling in our lives !?! .....absolutely not
do we want gambling in our live !?! .... probably not really but in the banality of day to day life it offers a usually very expensive temporary thrill
i guess what im trying to say is the gambling is usually a side effect of some other issues in life
until we come to peace with them issues i suspect it will always hound us
as the saying goes you can run but you cant hide
Hi Deeno.
I hope you can add some more resistance over time like telling someone you really trust and wouldnt want to let down.
There is no shame in telling someone close that you love and respect. It adds more layers of realising you are not alone and cant really do this alone for the best recovery.
I doubt I could have done it with just self exclusions. I needed more as the brain really needs harder steps into reality. Facing the truth means being open and honest. Its surprising just how much others can help when we are ready to face up to it and stop.
I believe I can not be complacent about it for the rest of my life. That doesnt mean I am rattling or unhappy. It means I have the strength to respect the power of addiction.
When gambling, I used to mistake gaps of a few months or nearly a year as signs I had some control. Truth is I didnt as it was more due to being busy or working away. My binge gambling turned into nearly everyday gambling as its a progressive illness that only goes one way....downwards to a hell on earth.
Abstention with monitoring and blocks is the only way to finally beat it off and heal the mind.
Now I am fully aware, I discuss my feelings with my monitoring group which is a great help. I also still give them regular reports that my finances are fine and everything is paid with my wages and the small credit limit I am allowed
Best wishes from everyone on the forum
Hi deeno mate. Yep lou brought up her gamstop ending in october so i looked into mine, id forgotten my password and went to get them to send a reset to my email address and it hasnt come thru..... But then i read on the site that you dont have to renew ur gamstop at the end its continuous untill u exclude from their database....
This is good however i know now that if i wanted to gamble all i have to do is cancel the gamstop...
Looking into it has also brought back the gambling thoughts.....Like ooo id like to play poker again..... i could do it in the future etc.....I know deep down its a bad idea but it still brings back the thoughts..... I guess if youve had a proper problem and its affected u really bad u should be able to gamstop for a lifetime? and not have to worry about it ending ever..
I feel i will have to get back to basics with my thoughts and think that i wont win if i go back to poker and the enjoyment will be shortlived and id also go back to square one with my day count.
Im hoping for some better thoughts coming soon...
All th best good to have u back mate....
Adampoker over and out of the game
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