*** 2019 *** Climbing the Gamcare Mountain

Hello Diary.

I have felt reasonably ok today and with total honesty have taken a realistic look at my thoughts, emotions and dreams along with hopes and aspirations for the future.

It makes for glum reading but as I have now had 21 failed gamcare diaries it would be foolish to think that anything is going to change.

However, I will be keeping this diary going. Sadly, I don't think for one minute I will remain gamble free but one never knows. At least writing on my diary might help to minimise any damage. Love and best wishes to all my fellow travellers ... stephen x

Yearning to be a wise old sage and squander not my monthly wage

With stars above to gaze upon I tilt my head and sing a song

No pennies in an empty purse so feast my eyes on the universe

Heavens above stare back at me - I hope the angels set me free ...stephen

Hope you're doing okay Stephen.

Thank you Lil & Sandra for visiting my diary.

A beautiful day. The sun is shining and all is well in my world.

Weekly state pension went in the bank this morning and I am pleased to report that I have no urge to gamble.

I venture forth on the gamcare train

With an ok body and a working brain

No need to curse, scream or shout

Cos I came with nothing and i'll leave with nowt...stephen

I used to be a gambler who wanted to be flash - driving round in fancy cars and having loads of cash

Well that will never happen I can be sure of that - though I can still have lots of fun by doing this and that

Searching for my destiny I walk for many miles - some days I feel a little sad but then I have some smiles

I know I am not here alone for there are many others - they are my gamcare family - my sisters and my brothers.

Stephen

Weekend approaches feeling just fine

Food in the larder on which I can dine

No gambling urges bothering me

Life can be fun when I stay gamble free ...stephen

The gamble free train keeps rolling along so let's keep on smiling and singing a song

There's no call for tickets to journey on here - just don't have a bet and there's nothing to fear

We're all heading off to a wonderland land where slots, fobts and raffles they are all banned ...stephen

Thank you Sandra. I listened to the meditation 'Rain' by Tara Brach. She certainly has a soothing voice and I nodded off on my sofa. I will have another listen later.

8 days since I last had a bet and although I have a little in the bank, I have felt no real urges to gamble. At one point I was thinking that I need a new mobile and my thoughts turned to gambling but I know that is crazy thinking and immediately dismissed it. I don't have anyone to look after the finances so am depending on myself to behave with a little more restraint.

It does strike me as rather odd that sometimes I don't even particularly want to gamble whilst at other times it becomes a craving. However, I can't do much about that and my conscience is clear. I certainly won't be beating myself up any more.

It would be nice to think I won't gamble again but judging by my past attempts that is not very likely. I have gamstop in place but have never gambled online anyway. I am also self excluded from casinos and that is good. However, the bookies are always a danger and although I am self excluded from close to 50 of them, I can easily travel or put on a hat so its just down to common sense and willpower.

I guess the order of the day for me is willpower, willpower and more willpower. It is unlikely that members of staff will try to drag me screaming into their betting shops, so its all down to me really...stephen

Hi Stephen. Well done on reaching 9 days gamble free. I really cannot understand why the procedure for self exclusion in bookies can’t be as simple as the Gamstop procedure helping people quit online gambling. Hopefully, in time, there will be improvements to the self excludion system as it shouldn’t be just a case of human recognition to spot someone banned from each betting shop. I guess at the moment they just don’t want to tighten up controls as it will cost them (bookies) dearly. Anyway - for now - keep on pushing. I’m going for my first year gamble free, I already can barely see light at the end of the debt and I am simply not going to stay on the merry go round any longer. Enough is enough as they say.

Thank you Clare for posting on my diary. I appreciate your kind words and encouragement.

All is well in my world. Shortly I am heading off for a swim and a steam. I get so much pleasure from the gym, it provides me with good exercise plus I enjoy a laugh and a joke with the staff and other club members. The membership is a few hundred pounds a year but on many occasions I have lost that gambling in just a few hours. Crazy isn't it.

Tonight I am going with my lady friend to the cinema. The film is called 'Glass.' After that getting a takeaway. All very nice and a lot better than gambling ... stephen

I tried to exclude myself from an arcade, she said I would have to have an appt with the manager, I was furious and not willing to do that, how embarrassing, I even had to wait a few days for the appt

Stephen, I just want to say I’m rooting for you along with everyone else. You helped inspire me when I first joined. And like yourself I had blips in the beginning and one since which I’ve tried to brush over as I’ve increased my blocks and know how good a gambling free life can be, but it devastated me to be honest. I feel your pain and it made me so sad when I read your post about having 21 diaries- to me each and every one of those has shown your true strength and determination, your resilience and kindness. You have come along way and it’s good to see you recognise this too. It’s nice you have your angels with you. You are doing amazing! I’m so proud of you we are all in this together no matter where we are on our journeys. I’m also glad your still enjoying your hobbies like salsa and still learning new things. Thank you for your diaries, thank you for your determination and thank you for helping to make making my life and so many others better x best wishes as always x

Hi Stephen

You’ll have to let me know how the film goes as we are planning on going to see it too later in the week. The gym sounds great and yes we sometimes begrudge paying out for things but I agree, we could easily waste hundreds in the blink of an eye whilst gambling. If going to the gym is enriching your life then that’s great. I’ve just started trying to shift a few pounds myself !

Many thanks to Mary, WAI and Clare. I appreciate your posting on my diary.

Mary ...That is very naughty by the arcade. Refusing to let you self exclude unless you have an interview with the manager is, in my opinion, harassment, bullying and intimidation. They should be ashamed of themselves.

WAI ...I often wonder how your getting on and it made my day to read your post on my diary. I am really pleased you are happy and at peace with yourself and the world around you. Your recovery shows what can be achieved with courage, hard work and determination.

BDF ... We went to see the film 'Glass' tonight but to be honest I wasn't very impressed. However, it has had some good reviews so hope you enjoy it...stephen x

Hi Stephen, just think to yourself u just have to make it to march then the two pound per spin comes in and its even more pointless. Rise up above it, u are worth soo much more. Like u said u don't need the money so the only result that makes any difference to ur life is if u lose all ur money and cant afford daily things. Keep thinking of that mate it wont benefit ur life one bit.

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