I have been instructed to get some help by my very concerned girlfriend. I can't handle actual councelling or anything at the moment, so this will have to do.
My name is Tom, and I am 20 years old. I am studying at University, and I am miserable.
Today I lost my last £10 to gambling. When I say my £10, I mean the bank's £10, as I have now maxed out two overdrafts. That's a total of £3000 overdrawn, a figure which doesn't include any of the considerable amount of student debt I owe. For a student with no income, that is a huge amount of money.
I suppose what's driven me to this has been a constant desire to win back the money I have lost in the past. It always seems viable that I could hit a massive run on Blackjack and eradicate my debt. But now, at the rock bottom of my financial bucket, it has dawned on me that I am broke.
What's perhaps more concerning than money is that I have spent the majority of my time gambling over the past 2 months. I can't 'just get a job' to cover my debts, because I have to work flat out for my degree now. I've spent so much time gambling recently that I have left it so late in the year to start working for my finals. Work is unmanageable, I have no money, and I don't know what to do.
I'm here because I need some help. I need to talk to people who understand what I'm going through. My parents are extremely straight-up people, and would not understand this. The money situation has pushed me and my girlfriend to the absolute edge. Most importantly, I'm here because I want to stop.
I'm hoping that someone out there will read this, and won't just think of me as some immature student with too much time and money on his hands. I don't need pity, I don't need comfort. I just want direction. What can I do to suppress that urge to deposit £25 after £25 into online casinos? What can I do to make myself feel ok again? I have just felt empty for over a month. And it's at its worst now, for sure.
Tomorrow is Day 1 of gambling abstinence.
Welcome mate. I understand what your going through although my nemesis was roulette and sports betting. If you add another seven years to your age then you would be describing my situation i have tried and failed many times but importantly like you want to stop and my last bet was 7 days ago. If counselling and telling your parents is not an option then here is what may help..
Its done with accept the money is gone its not coming back.
The debts if you stop will never increase
I am in my final year of uni i dont know how i made it this far! But u can use this to drive you on motivate you and nobody can take your degree from you!!
Share your thoughts with your mrs, transfer and get her to look after any money you have?
Self exclude from all sites and or bookies if they are a problem as well.
Take it one day at a time thats all that matters thats all that you can control and the days will add up.
Fill your time with what you enjoy, music? Cooking? Time with the mrs? Sport? Walks? Reading? Study? Contact the helpline to talk things through, keep busy.
All the best mate wish you a gambling free life if you put as much into not gambling as you did gambling you can win the war, it wont be easy but you can do it!!
We are both better than gambling you and I know that so choose recovery.
Hi tom you've defiantly come to the right place it's a good place too start
firstly if it's your mobile /laptop you use get a blocker on them k9, secureteen ask your girlfriend to put in the password so you won't know it (trust me this is a massive first barrier)
secondly contact your bank or write them a letter be honest and ask for help they can stop charges for a while help you breath a little without going into panic mode,
accept the money is gone it's the past there's nothing you can do about it I'm afraid to say but this too is a much needed step
be kind to yourself beating your self up will not help if anything it will only put you under more stress ( which won't help with your degree)
Write write anything you want just get it out its better than bottling it up no one will judge you here it's a fantastic site all on one road walking along side Each other.
things will get easier but you need to put blockers in place first
take care x
Also sorry I forgot self exclude from any sites you go on /bookies etc
best of luck x
Hi Tom, welcome to recovery mate 🙂
This is a difficult journey to make but none of us regrets it! You have to accept that the money has gone & gambling us futile because we cannot win because we cannot stop! Even if you 'got it all back' you are beyond social gambling & you would just believe you could win more & lose it all again! You are young with your whole life ahead of you, don't be the mug I was! The only way to win is to stop! There are 3 vital bits of information I can give you:
1) You need to break you Time-Money-Location triangle take one away & you cannot gamble
2) Instal a blocker (K9 is free apparently) on your device
3) Take things One Day At A Time! Suppressing the urges is hard but they are only urges & they will pass! NT has a thread of tips if you need a break from studying.
You are not an immature student, you're a human being who made a mistake just like us...You are an addict & addictions can be beaten! The first days are the hardest, letting the money go & hating yourself for what you have done but it won't take long in recovery before you start to feel human again! You have time to knuckle down & put the work in & you can do this - ODAAT
P.s: Just realised how long it took me to post that, lots of other people have already responded...I don't have time to see what they have suggested so I will just leave what I have written.
StoneRoses, tt1980, NT, ODAAT, Half-Life,
Thank you all so much for your advice, and kind words.
It's with much regret that I return to this forum after 5 days, having achieved only 1 day of gambling abstinence. I have done as suggested and blocked my computer from accessing gambling sites, which has been very successful. Unfortunately, I have an iPhone.
I appealed to my parents about my financial situation (without going into the details about a gambling problem), and they funded me £300, which should easily see me through the month. As soon as it came through, I'd spent a third of it. And the cycle of 'must win back my losses' continued.
On top of this, I left my house approximately 4 hours ago to go into University and finish an essay, but found myself between the bookies and the cashpoint at least 5 times before even reaching the bus stop. I am now at home, in front of the computer, staring at my account balance in a mixture of disbelief and horror. Once again, only 4 days after receiving £300, I have nothing.
It seems at this point, that I am beyond help. I feel stupid, embarrassed (I'm going to have to ask my girlfriend for money), angry and demoralised. I thought I'd made progress by coming on here, and blocking myself from sites. I felt really good after day 1; I hadn't gambled at all, and things were looking up.
Now I'm just not sure what's going on, why I'm so incapable of kicking something so trivial. I'm 20 years old for Christ's sake, I should be having fun. Instead, I lock myself in my room and spend hours on end grimacing as yet another Blackjack hand goes bust.
I'm at my wits end, I really am. I can't keep asking my girlfriend for money. She'll leave me. And she's the best thing that's ever happened to me.
Anyway, that's the latest from my end. Pretty horrendous. I hope you're all well.
T
Hi Half-Life, thanks for the quick response!
I'm going to self-exclude this evening. Seems like another good step forward, so thank you. As for the leaving the card at home, this isn't an issue at the moment as I don't have anything to spend!
Stuff with the parents is a much more complicated issue. My mum was recently diagnosed with breast cancer, and my father moved out (not divorced, just decided to go for a job at the other end of the country and has left mum alone with my younger brother). Telling them would put a lot more stress on them as a family, and I genuinely believe that it would be selfish of me to put this on them. Believe me, I'm not one to shy away from confrontation with either of my parents, so it's not about being in trouble. I think I'm beyond that anyway.
I don't know about GA meetings. I've never liked the sort of sit and talk about your feelings thing. The only reason I'm on here is because I can safely type from behind a computer screen.
Also, I don't know how I forgot to mention that my girlfriend is currently studying in Canada. Which is not great, as it just aggravates any issues we have. I feel that I'm causing her too much trouble. She never signed up for this, and it would be so easy for her to just say f*** Off and walk away.
I'm losing control of everything a little bit. Not that I had much to start with. Ha.
Hi Tom
i know how you feel. I in the last year have lost all my savings and 18k in debt too. The only way i stopped internet gambling is by getting rid of the internet. and i have limited internet 500mb on my phone. IT has stopped me losing my car and house. as that would have been next. I still did go to the bookies but have stopped it now buy cutting up my credit cards and leaving my bank card at work and if i need money i have to wait for the next day.
I hate like you having to do this but we must help ourselfes as family friends dont know how hard it is to stop. also have k9 on my laptop. If i need to go on the internet i go to my dads.
its a slow and hard recoverey and i wish you all the mind over matter you need.
get your head down and study and get what you deserve in life. in a year and a half i will be back to 0 which is an ace place to be. hope you will be too.
carl.
Reminds me of college, Tom Ga would be a good place for you to go. My advice is commit for a month have a look at where you are then. Just because you want things to change does not automatically mean you will. GA is a great place to begin they might seem a little nuts but they are great people and you should give it a try.
Tom I feel exactly the same.
I have borrowed a loan off my mother after telling her i racked up debts on cc's but didnt go into detail that it was gambling to start it. She was shocked enough at the though id spent £5000 over spending and when i received the loan guess what...gambled it away. PATHETIC!
My boyfriend has no clue either and constantly nags and wonders where my money has gone, these people love me dearly but really dont think theyd be able to deal with me admitting i am a GA.
If i had the money to clear my debts i believe i could pay them off slowly and leave gambling behind for good.
but the longer im stuck in debt the more i urge to gamble.
its a vicious circle isnt it, i feel your pain 🙁
Hope it all works out for you
As above problemchild you must put blocks in place
Start a diary
Read posts twice a day...more if you can
Your future depends on you stopping now
I spent every spare penny on gambling for nearly 30 yrs....is that a future you fancy.
1day at a time get your head clear of the gambling thoughts.
If i can do it then anyone can.
Stay strong
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