Day 10, didnt stay at the B&B in the end as the wife went round her friends house. Woke up this morning feeling positive, done loads of positive things, the gambling urges arent there any more, though I know they can come at any time. I've lost too much both in terms of friends, relationships and money to waste another £1 gambling. I'm really looking forward to counselling on Wednesday, and cant wait to get my bonus and show my wife and my dad that I can learn to not gamble and be better with money. I feel strong, the only urge I am getting is to contact my wife and try and patch things up, but I know she needs space to make the right decision
Today I will not gamble
Day 11 - Nothing much to say, about to drive 270 miles to Scotland. Feel alone, facing up to the inevitable break up. Feeling strong though.
Today I will not gamble
Day 12 - Had my first counselling session today through GamCare, it was good to talk to someone other than my dad where I could open up and express feelings and understand why I gamble. Brining all the questions out in the open felt like a weight lifting from my shoulders. I have also started email communication with my wife, which is positive. There's no decision yet, but she has asked why I did it, and I have told her everything. Now she needs to decide whether she has the strength and courage to deal with this again. I can only hope she does.
Today, I have not gambled
Day 14 - Yesterday gave me real stregnth, I was busy all over the country yesterday, covering over 400 miles driving. Plenty of opportunity to gamble where I am not self excluded, not even one thought. Until I went to the service station at Oxford services. I had to walk past the gaming machines to go to the toilet, and I stared at them, thought "what a d**k I was for putting my hard earned money in them" and walked straight past both times, I felt great, I got some dinner, even went back to look at them again with complete discontempt. This will be a long and never ending journey, but I have redicovered my contempt for gamling and what it had made me do to people, and I am more determined than ever to control this for the rest of my life.
Today I will not gamble
Well done on 2 weeks and for telling those machines where to go.
Abstaining and maintaining is the way to go onwards and upwards and we do win every day we don't play, that surely is a big fat
positive.
Suzanne xxx
Quick update, my wife has made the decision to give me one last chance. I'm quite emotional at the moment, happy, scared and relieved all at the same time. But mostly positive - if she and my dad believe in me, I have to. No more hurt and gambling, they're so closely linked!
Day 15 - Everywhere is Grand National, bet in play on the football, and I'm not fussed at all. Won't watch it for the first time in 20 years, no interest. Saw the wife today, she got me a second hand bike from her mate so once the Spurs game is over, I may go out for a bike ride in this glorious weather.
Today I will not gamble
This year is the first time I've really noticed how much gambling is normalised around events like the Grand National. Lots of talk on Facebook and newspaper promotions for online betting etc.
Luckily betting has never interested me so it's not a trigger but it's horrifying to see how much it's promoted as a harmless bit of fun.
Day 16 - My wife has come home, feels strange and dont know how to act around her yet. Spent the day cooking an amazing roast and doing some gardening to keep me busy. Having her home makes me so much more determined to sort this out for once and for all - I haven't had any thoughts or urges, even with all the sport on this weekend. Keeping busy and knowing I can't win if I gamble has made me not even contemplate it. It seems easy, but I know there will be greater challenges in the future, and I need to keep doing this day by day.
Today I will not gamble
Day 17 - The Time, Location and Money dreaded Triangle came into play today. Had money on me, had plenty of time and I stopped off at the services at Warwick. In the past, I'd have gone in, seen I had £40 on me, stuck it in the fruit machines, lost it, taken out everything I had left, lost it, gone skint for a few days or borrowed money off someone. I pulled up at the service station, looked at the picture of my wife, and went and got something to eat. I am beating this, I know its small steps, but I feel so much better that I have not given in. I feel strong, I feel that finally after 20 years, I can beat this illness.
Today I haven't gambled
Day 19 - Not much to report, not gambled today, and I won't gambe today. And that means that I am winning.
Day 20 - Have out first counselling session with relate later, not sure what to expect from that, but hopeful and positive it has the same impact on us that GamCare and IMPACT had. Just went for a nap, and had a dream that I jumped in the car, drove to some car park and sprinted into a l*******s. Woke up disorientated, but relieved!! I have had some really wierd dreams the past few weeks, but this is the first one about gambling Ive had. If thats the only thing that I do today, then I will be grateful and feeling strong!
Today I will not gamble
Day 23 - Missed a couple of days due to work commitments, have had some urges mainly because money is a bit tight, but have managed to control them and remembered that the only way to win was to not gamble. I shall continue to be strong, I have created this bad financial situation and I am not going to make it worse.
Today I will not gamble
Day 24 - Looking forward to this Friday - payday, bonus day, and the chance to show that I am serious in beating this. All cards going to the wife, all bills paid, and most importantly not a penny going gambling. Just hope that it was happens......
Today I will not gamble
Day 25 - Big progress today! I received a cheque for a tax rebate, and I was walking into town to pay it into my bank, I thought "Maybe I could cash it in now, have the cash, and then try and win the other £100 for the cheque cashing fee......". But I thought about the consequences, and the need to rebuild trust, but I still had that urge to easy cash. But I did the things I have been taught - took a step back, realised that I wouldn't win whatever the case, and promptly put the cheque in the bank away from my clutches. At first I didn't know if I had made the right decision, but on reflection I know I did as if I had cashed it, I;d have been at least the £100 charge down, plus no doubt I'd havelost a significant portion (if not all) in the bookies, and I'd have been back to square 1, lying my way out of trouble. yes I may be a bit skint for a few days, but I'm winning.
Today I will not gamble!
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