29 and out

Dean

fella would it stop at the five hundred??

My educated guess is no,you have broken the cycle for five days now,my question is how much have you saved in those days,a lot more than the five hundred,as I said you cannot change the past,but for me through not punting you will be able to face the damage you caused.

Yes it takes grit,determination and alot of beans on toast,but it is doable,you can repay the damage,not creating more is the best way to continue.

I hope you keep making the right choice,put the idea of winning it all back where it belongs

'in the bin'

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Good words Dunc thanks.

It's 7 days now and I feel better.

Just worrying about money as I will be creeping into the overdraft soon and the misses is in hers. No I think that last 1200 I lost would sort is right out!

Onto day9 and feeling good that I haven't gambled. The debt hanging over my head and playing on my mind is relentless though.... This is the hardest part.

Hi ya mate... Just had a read of your diary and when i was busy online gambling i got myself into 5k debt and i thought i could gamble my way out of trouble and ended up losing another 2k before a very very lucky bet meant i won close to 8k - i did feel ecstatic or anything emotion close to it.. I paid my debt off and closed all my online accounts. I have no debt at the minute but its only because in a well paid job so why am i wasting hundreds of pound a week betting on virtual horses/dogs - i know that you have a huge debt at the minute but try and forget about it for now and concentrate on yourself and getting better - once your better the debt will look after itself!! Good luck and keep believing you can beat it!

Dean

Fella I actually look at the financial debt as a good thing,bottom line is you waged somebody else's money,nobody but you made the decision to throw someone else's money at an act you hold no control over the outcome of,the random act that is gambling.

So in my mind it is our responsibility to repay our losses.

Yes like me you have f**k all to show for your gambling life,that is because that is what as a compulsive gambler gets from the act of gambling loss,a continued loss until the day you decide to stop,take need help he won his money back but still proceeded to throw his money at an act of madness.

For me for over a week now you have saved money,you have not added to your losses.

Be proud of that

Like me repay the losses,learn the harsh lesson,

'gambling is a complete waste of time'

keep making the right choice

abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Need help, I'm glad your debt free but the last thing I want to hear is you won big and paid it off. Chasing like that is why I'm here. Hopefully now your debt free you can be strong and keep it that way.

Well 9 days clean and bang 1100 gone yesterday after being up again! How many times!

Got home and the other half has had working tax credits stopped. I nearly break down as we are going to be skint.

Finally tell here I have got a lot more debt than she imagined. I have broken here heart and she has been constantly crying.

I have let her down, and am in a bad place.

I can't gamble anymore as she will know if I have added to it. I need it go away but I have 34k there. 19k on a loan, 8400 on one card, 4500 and 2100 on the others.

4 years of struggle and at the moment a partner who is distraught and thinks we will be on the bread line going to food banks.

She wants another child and get married but I have ruined that.

I feel like I need to break down, but I can't, I have to win.

I need pay day which should be about 4k but instead off enjoying it I will pay a massive lump off.

I have finally hit rock bottom and I am at the brink of losing my world!

Believe me when i say this but there is no way in this world that you are going to win back 34k through gambling.. That is just a ridiculous mindset to be in. If you are bringing home 4k a week can you not throw 3k of it at your debts and keep the rest to live on. This would clear your debts fairly quickly... As i said on my own diary what everyone needs to do (in my humble opinion) is to set a target for themselves of what they can do when they have some cash (not obtained through gambling) and yours should be putting money away no matter how little towards a wedding fund that your gf deserves and if you stay off gambling you will deserve as well.

Well I am on another day 5 of not gambling.

This has been a very hard week.

My other half has been in tears and gutted that I betrayed here by not telling her my debt.

We get no tax credits due to my commission at work and get a letter saying that we wre paid too much tax credits last year and as of next May I owe 2.5k.

It doesn;t just rain, it pours.

What's killing me is the 10k or so I have lost recenlty which will take me 18 months to clear.

I know that if I stay away fromthe roulette and keep paying off, I will be in agrewat place in 3 years, but I just want it now.

The only positive at the moment is the fact that my partner knows about my debt (not the exact figure, but most of it) which means there's no way I can lose money as she will know what I've been doing!!!

Mr29 - i have enjoyed reading your diary (obviously i would have preferred if you weren't on here at all) - i think its the honesty that comes across that i like. I know from my own perspective that when things were going bad on the gambling front that things in other areas in my day to day life seemed to go wrong. I know that after the initial few days/weeks you will almost forget about how gambling consumed your every waking thought. I have found myself almost judgemental of gamblers which isn't a very nice quality... We will get there. Just think that if you stop now how much better your life will be in 3 years time...i know you want to be there now but 3 years isn't much in the grand scheme of things

Hi Mr29,

I have just read some of your diary and realised how many times I have been where you are at the moment.

The worry of debt is overwhelming especially when we cant see the wood for the trees and think there is no end to it. There is only no end if we continue to gamble, we never ever win when we gamble because the very nature of this progressive illness makes us put back every penny be it the bookies/casinos/on line etc....

I ended up on a debt management plan and it did take a lot of nerve to talk to a stranger over the phone and outline the extent of my debts. But do you know what, since doing that I have regained some control over my life, I know the bills/debts are being paid and the thought of 45k being paid in 3 years is daunting and killing me when I think what I could have done with that money, but once it is paid I have committed to never going into debt again. You are in your late 20's, I am in my 50's, you will have money and alot of it if you stay debt and gamble free. It is so hard and painful when the realisation of what gambling does to us hits us but most importantly now is to get to the root of why you are in this debt and how you can resolve to never going there again.

There is a lot to be said about being open and honest with our partners, some people can tell their partner everything but others prefer not to, if you are able to open up about the exent of your gambling and debt you will feel so much better when you have a concrete programme to work towards to manage both problems after all debt and gambling work hand in hand.

It took a lot of courage to open up to my husband about the extent of my gambling and debt and yes he was angry and upset but so supportive and desperate for me to get well again and incidentally I felt like the weight of the world had been lifted off my shoulders. Writing is one thing but talking and putting a plan in place is another. Get yourself to GA (not sure if you go already) you will get so much support and advice.

I wish you all the best in your recovery, take one day at a time and promise yourself that just for today you will not gamble.

Hope x

Week gone and been clean.

Holiday this Saturday so the aim is to be clean by the time I am back the following Saturday.

That will be 20 days. That's the aim, but gosh the debt is still killing me inside.

Hi 29

Well done on one week

Have a great holiday and come back 20 days clean

That will feel good won't it

I no what you mean about the debt but try and think positive it will go down if we don't gamble

Not going to mention the alternative because we already know what happens the debt goes up

Suzanne x

Day 10 of being clean.

I shoul dfeel good but still worrying about the future.

Didn't help that I owe the tax man another 1,200 as I have been on the wrong tax code for my vehicle at work!!!

Try and move forward, yet you get dragged back.

Day 22 and clean.

Had a great holiday and for once didn't have acare in the world.

Back to the realisation of all the debt I'm in which is hard.

Nearly had a stumble when I was in town looking to pop into bookies which I have barred myself from.

Thankfully I stayed strong. Lets hope for another week clean.

Day 26 of no despair or losing money. If only I did thi sa few weeks ago!

Feeling good paying of the dent, but very worried abou thaving apoor month at work and taking a step backwards.