A better existence.

Welcome mark, youve made a great start in putting some blocks in place and putting your thoughts down.  If you continue to put this effort into stopping then you will go far.

All the best adam

Day 2

I have to be honest, the day after making the decision to stop i went and lost £300 in the bookies in the space of 45 minutes. Subconsciously i think it was my way of getting it out of my system as stupid as it sounds. I know gamblers will use anything to justify their activities and im no exception. 
Since then i have blocked gambling transactions through my bank and will start the process of excluding myself from all the local bookmakers. 
I will wake up each day and tell myself that today i will choose not to gamble. 
This addiction has taken too much and i am determined not to let it take any more.

Hi Mark

I had to reply to you as I see so many parallels with myself. Like you I always made sure I paid the mortgage and bills but everything else went on bets rather than into savings, holidays for the family or generally improving our lives.

While it's a terrifying prospect, I'd urge you to speak to your wife. The turning point for me is when I got found out - then I had no option but to tackle it head-on as it was out in the open. I only wish I'd had the guts to pre-empt that moment by coming clean, it would have made so much difference.

I'm approaching 400 days GF which seems crazy to say as I still remember vividly the daily routine and as your say constantly checking the phone for results.

You can't do anything about the past and the money and time you've lost, but you can change your future and take it from me it's 100% worth it. I'm so much more engaged with my family now I'm free from the shackles of gambling.

Don't get me wrong, I'm still slowly trying to win back trust day by day but now not gambling is habitual.

You can absolutely do this, but you shouldn't try and do it alone as willpower is rarely enough.

Make that £300 the last time the bookies take money from you. It will be hard, but once you break the routine it becomes much easier. GF days turn into weeks, turn into months. You can get there if you take it one day at a time.

I wish you all the best.

SJC 

Day 3

Thanks for the reply SJ, my wife suffers with depression so i dont want to do upset her further at this moment in time.

I want to see if i can do this my way, i managed to stop smoking after 20 years through my own stubbornness and i want to try and prove i can kick the gambling too. If i relapse doing it this way then i will seek any additional help that will get me to where i want to be. I will never get rid of me being a compulsive gambler however i just want to live a life where i dictate things instead.
   

Day 11

Been away for 4 days abroad and even though i was watching the football i didnt have an urge to try and get a bet on. Usually being abroad meant i would tap a mate up to whack a lump on for me.

Since coming back i have remained determined but not being complacent as i know one innocent bet will lead to another spiral. Need to make sure im on my guard for the football this weekend.

Day 13

Very nervous ahead of the weekend, trying to get things in place to distract myself. Going to take the kids out, not have any money on me etc.

Going to try and not see any football results, then watch match of the day later like i used to as a kid, be nice to fall back in love with football without the stress of money being at stake.

Well done on 15, it get a little bit easier after the first few weeks and your change your mindset.

Seems like you have a plan in place in regards to the football matches over the weekend, go out and enjoy the time with your children. They grow before you know it. I gambled for 12 years, my oldest is nearly 16 and my youngest is 12 in January. Boy do I wish gambling hadn't taken so much for my time during those years. Time to make up for it now.

Good luck ? 

Thank you.

Yes the biggest pill to swallow is the lost time, money can always be regained. Im not gonna lie i have already thought about gambling today and i need to stay absolutely focused on getting to tonight gamble free. 
Well done and your GF period, thats what i aim for.

Day 15

Managed to get through yesterday gamble free. I went on long walk and listened to the football on headphones. Some people may see this as daft as you should separate from any triggers however football will never go away and i want to return to a time when i loved it without anything being at stake. It was very hard but this isnt a race. The main thing is i placed no bets, didnt lose any time, didnt lose any money, and didnt take any moods out on my family. Feeling positive.