So it's been a very, very long time since I posted on this forum but I felt compelled to do so today to share another milestone with everyone.
Today, 27th July 2026, I mark 2 years free from gambling. When I first started my recovery I never thought I'd see this day and yet, here I am. It's not been easy. There have been ups and there have been downs but I've made it and I'm a stronger person for it.
Let's go back to 27th July 2024. The day my world fell apart and my life crashed down around me. The day that, despite this, I felt the biggest of weights lift off my shoulders. The day I finally admitted I had a problem and needed help. It was a decision I was forced into, but I'm glad I was.
For 7 years this addiction had a hold of me. For 7 years I neglected my family to compulsively gamble. Spending money I didn't have, trying to get that one 'big win' that would change my life. Of course, that big win never came. Instead I just fell deeper and deeper into a hole. Multiple credit cards maxed out, multiple loans, living deep into my overdraft and spending my time worrying how I was going to survive the month with no money. 35k later and I was in far too deep and sinking further. My wife got nothing from me but mood swings and me being distant constantly because I was worried, not sleeping.
I'd like to say I was brave enough to come clean of my own accord, but I wasn't. I was forced into it. My wife confronting me because we'd been rejected a new deal on our mortgage due to my poor credit rating and massive debts. I told her the truth that night and the look on her face when I did still haunts me till this day. The utter devastation and hurt I'd caused. You're not supposed to make the person you claim to love unconditionally feel like that. Ever. But I did.
I pretty much lost everything that day. Control of my own finances. My name has to come off the mortgage and the deeds of the house, meaning I'd essentially lost my home too. But worst of all, I feared I'd lost my wife. She talked about divorce, saying she'd never be able to trust me again. I'd made a sham of our marriage and she was right.
Thankfully she stuck around. I sought help. I spoke to people on here. I went to Gamblers Anonymous for 6 months (it wasn't for me in the end but I'm glad I gave it a go), had peer support through Aquarius and also Epic Restart. I was determined to get through this, not only for myself but for my family...
And now, 2 years later, things look considerably different for me. My debts, which were crippling me month by month are almost gone. I've paid off my loans and almost cleared my credit cards too. My marriage to my wife is stronger than it's probably ever been too.
Being free from gambling made me believe in myself again. All those things I told myself I couldn't do, I wasn't good enough to do, I started to believe I could do. For years, literally as long as I can remember, I've wanted to become a detective in the Police. When I was gambling I always told myself I couldn't do it. I was too old, too weak, not good enough. When I stopped gambling I decided to go for it and apply. Why the hell not?
Now, as I sit writing this, on my 2 year anniversary of not gambling, I have not only applied, but passed interviews, tests and other things and have been offered a conditional place on a detective programme with a local police force, subject to vetting. The way my life looks now, compared to 2 years ago is incredible. I'd never have dreamed it possible. But it is.
I know I'd never have gotten to this stage without the help and support of people on this platform and in the chatrooms, especially at the beginning of my journey. People like WeirdFish, PinkLady, Adam, Taz and many, many, many more. You all truly have no idea how much you helped me and for that I'll be forever grateful.
We CAN beat this. I'm positive about my future, about my plans and I know that anything is possible when you don't gamble.
Apologies for the long post, but if just one person reads this and feels like I've helped them then that's a win.
Stay strong everyone. 💪🏾
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