A NEW BEGINNING

So, I'm in a dilemma. I have urgent debts that need to be paid this week....I know I can get it if I open up to my family (my mom or my sister, definitely my bro...I've let him down too much and I think he'd be judgy)

What do I do now? Decisions, decisions, decisions

Okay, so I didn't want to want to mention this, but I've to, as this is also part of recovery. And it's quite shameful for me too as I couldn't go 24 hours without relapse. Now I'm in deeper shot financially and I'm quite f****d.

I didn't want to open up again to family (I've a number of times and I didn't want to stress them again) but I have to, I have no choice.

The thoughts of my someone else controlling my finances scare me but I have to do it.

I read one success story and the person mentioned giving total control of his finances ATO someone else and I think that's the way to go.

At this time though, it's worth mentioning that why it's important to do this is because I need help from family to clear these urgent debts.....I know of I didn't need to, I wouldn't have thought about telling them.

I don't know if this is a good thing or a bad thing. But regardless, I still have to do this.

I've decided to tell my sister and I know she'd be so P****d but I have to do this.

I hate this life I live and sometimes I wonder why this had to be me. Why did gambling choose me? Why?

Okay, this does scare me, because, when would this end.

At what point do I get control of my finances back? I am 26 and single and have no real responsibility....what happens when I get into a relationship and I want to go on dates, buy something for my girlfriend, buy nice things for me and all those impulse spendings...do I have to collect permission from my sister.

That's nuts!!

How about a few years later from now? A grown adult having to collect pocket money from his own money!!

f**k!

My siblings are relocating and my sister is only available for a month max. What happens when she finally moves next month...how is the arrangement going to go then?

I'm so smart with other things, I make logical decisions...but this one thing and I'm on auto pilot.

I can't deal with this

Someone please advice me

So I was at my sister's house yesterday and I couldn't bring myself to speak about my gambling issues. 

A lot of thoughts ran through my mind as I laid in bed yesterday....suicide amongst them.

Anyways, I did tell my mom about the money I needed this morning and she agreed to give me later today.

I didn't give her full details but I promised to do so later, which I will.

I was at the bank this morning and set her phone to be the one to receive alerts on. A step in the right direction.

I'd come back to give an update.

And yes....today is day one again.

Hi

The simple fact I could not trust my self with money at the beginning of my recovery.

Money was the fuel for my addiction.

In time I would understand that the gambling addiction and my obsessions was just the symptoms that I was emotionally vulnerable, because I was emotionally vulnerable, I reacted in some very unhealthy ways.

All the time I was attending meetings I was becoming aware of myself.

I got to understand my addictions and obsessions were unhealthy for me.

Love healing and peace to everyone.

Dave L

AKA Dave Of Beckenham UK

So you’ve only told your mum so that she can help you out financially. You haven’t yet told your sister and your brother would be judgemental.

You have heard of others getting help by giving over access to their money but you have imagined scenarios in your future life, one that doesn’t yet exist, as a reason for not doing so. 

Stop. Stop. Stop.

Stop finding excuses why you can’t do something and start finding reasons to do something.

Do you want to stop gambling? Yes or no?

If you really do then surely anything to help yourself is worth doing? If someone is prepared to help look after your access to your money, because that’s what it is, just helping you have unlimited access, you say thank you for their help.

You get whatever money you need and you’re accountable for it. If you need all of it that’s fine, as long as you can account for it. This isn’t about you being controlled or treated like a kid with an allowance, this is to help you be able to live a normal life and pay for rent and food and fuel and not take from others. No one has ever said this is something you need to do for ever but until you are on a place mentally to do it for yourself. Some husbands I know get an allowance each week or month for their living costs and are happy to still be doing it after years and years. Others do it for a few months just to get them back on track. 
You also need to be doing something about putting the gambling down. I guess you are on the U.S so find a Gambler’s Anonymous meeting. Find others like you who have and are going through what you are going through. Stop making excuses, start finding reasons.

Chris.