A new dawn

Evening Diary, day 34 gamble free. 

I have carried on with the tears today but had a really special day. I don't think the details are for my for my diary. All I need to say is I know the difference between crying because I feel sorry for myself and crying because I feel emotional about something. 

I so want tomorrow to be a good day. Sunday's are my bogey days. My friend is planning for us to go and learn how to make gin. Sounds very messy ...

My hubby is trying to get home early. He had a call from the community mental health team apparently. I am really cross, they haven't seen me recently, only spoken to me by phone so no idea why they have contacted him. Must be pretty c**P being 600 miles away thinking I am going to harm myself in some way. I don't feel like that at the mo. Spoken to him and told him I am ok but I am not sure he is convinced.

I have loved today and been saddened in equal measures.  Tonight it is sofa, popcorn, ice-cream and dodgy movies. Not done that with my friend in years. 

Thought and talked a lot about gambling today. It helps to talk about it. 

Nothing else to say really. No more news on my moggy. He seems oblivious at the mo x

Great to see you doing so well Murlo.

We are both about 5 weeks into our gamble free lives and I find it reassuring to be sharing the journey with good people like yourself.

Sometimes we can feel insecure and vulnerable but that is all part of the recovery process. Slowly slowly one day at a time our lives will get better and we will see things from a different perspective. 

Stephen x 

I am going to take a proper break from diary and chat for a few  days.

Keep going forward folks, you are all amazing x

Never let a stumble in the road be the end of your journey.

RIP my beautiful old boy. I hope you sleep well my furry friend. Life will not be the same without you x

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I'm sorry for your loss Murlo. Xxx

Sorry to read of your sad loss Murlo, please accept my condolences. 

However, you have good memories to cherish and that can be a comfort.

Up there in cat heaven I imagine he is thinking loving thoughts about you and willing you to treat yourself with the kindness and respect which you deserve. I imagine he will also be proud of the courage you are showing in your battles against the gambling addiction and if he can send you loving thoughts and encouragement than I am sure he will do so.

Stephen x 

Thank you so much both x

So sorry murlo.. You seem to have such a lot of things going on.. But amongst the havoc you are working through it. 

Always a tender time to lose a pet.. They just love us so much.. Unconditionally... Take your time.. Diary always here to jot down your thoughts.. And hope to chat later

Love ❤️boo x

Thank you so much Boo, your words mean a lot x

Dear Diary. Day 35 gamble free. 

I really did think I wanted a break for a couple of days but that was before this morning's events. I don't think I will be writing reflective masterpieces but it is good to get some stuff out. 

I am really grateful for the support on the forum, from chat buddies and netline today. Sorry to have burdened you all.  

I was going to go for a swim this afternoon but my other moggy has been really clingy and I didn't want to leave her. It seems like we both needed a good cuddle. It has been nice. The house still seems empty without my boy though. 

I have has a lovely time with my friend this weekend. We didn't do what we had planned today because other events took over and I suggested that she might want to go home. She has enough to deal with without having to handle my meltdown. I will see her again on Tuesday. 

I had gambling urges this afternoon. I have dealt with them with the support of netline and a technique that my counsellor taught me. I am pleased to have got through it. This addiction still makes no sense to me. 

Tonight I am going to bother to make myself a good meal. I get comfort from cooking so don't know why I don't do it more often. 

Back to work tomorrow and an evening meal with a colleague so that will keep me out of mischief. 

I really, really don't like Sundays but another one is nearly over and I have survived it. 

Thinking of everyone as you overcome your own challenges x

I actually cooked myself a roast dinner. It's odd cooking just for myself but hubby will be home soon enough. I say cooking for myself, my remaining moggy got a pretty decent portion too. Why not, she is suffering loss too x

Was just thinking call in to say nite to you murlo so glad to read you fed and watered. 

Sad and lonely day for you but Thursday draws near.. New week new start also.. 

We can make it to Christmas and beyond.. 

Seems daunting doesn't it.. But what an inspiration Graham is.. 

Sleep well.. 

Nite n bless... Boo.. Chat tomorrow night. Work in the day x 

For crying out loud, though!

You pouring love and support out to people tonight, then just casually mention you've lost a fur baby. I'm so, so sorry. Everyone reacts to loss in their own way but I know I was devastated when I last had to make that decision. I do think animals grieve the loss of companions. 

I hope you get lots of love and cuddles from those around you in the coming days.

Thank you so much Freda x

I am devastated but we are all here and we have our own challenges. Mine are no more important than others, I want everyone to be ok x