A new dawn

Well as you mention jigsaws.. Check out my next one.. I have one in readiness as one was a birthday gift... 

Here goes 

Google Ravens burger 500 piece puzzle.. The district nurse. 

That's my up and coming therapy.. Enjoy your day 

Boo and Aberdeen haggis boo ?

Dear Diary, day 45 gamble free - by the skin of my teeth.

I nearly gambled today. I am not happy or proud about it but I want to record what happened as I will have to learn from it. I thought about gambling so much this morning, enough to get myself in a position where all I needed to do was press a button to place a bet. And yes that means I worked round the blocks I have in place. I didn’t gamble which is the good thing I guess. If I am honest with myself though it was someone knocking on the door to deliver a parcel who saved me from myself. It was someone I know and we chatted just long enough for me to know that I needed to get help to not gamble. I did that, chatted on Netline a bit and worked through what had triggered me. So many wise words from the advisor, I am

once again very grateful.  I know what I need to do about the trigger now so hopefully that will be that until I stumble across the next trigger. I’ve done what I do when these things happen and written a reflection, it works for me.

I joined chat at lunchtime and didn’t mention anything about my morning, it didn’t feel appropriate. Chat was nice, just the right amount of folk for my non multitasking brain to cope with. It is lovely to have Drama back, we chatted about some shared experiences. That’s the joy of chat, learning that you are not alone in the world with things. And Boo, we need a report on the fire lecture, you know what I mean ?.

Russ inspired me to get the Xmas tree up. I don’t normally bother until the very last minute but just hearing about the excitement in his household switched on my Xmas spirit. The tree is looking mighty fine?. It made me mourn for the recent loss of my moggy a bit, he would have had the thing down before I had finished putting it up. My old girl just looks at the shiny things on the tree with a “like I’m bothered” look on her face so it is still standing.

Other than that, I have done nothing else productive with my day, I actually haven’t even left the house. Couldn’t be bothered to go for a swim, I know it would do me good so maybe I will kick myself up the backside and go tonight.

I really, really must try to get a half decent night’s sleep tonight!

Good evening to all x

That was a close call and a bit scary Murlo. Well done on not succumbing to the temptation and respect for your honesty.

I hope you can find a way to repair the leak in your defences.

We are both approaching the half century which is really quite wonderful.

Stephen x 

Thank you very much Stephen, I will find a way to plug the leak! 

only 3 days until your 50 and I am right behind you ?

I did do something to make myself laugh today. It was an impulsive thing but not a negative one. 

I signed up to a new local gym today. It does CrossFit boot camps and that is what I have signed up for. Only trouble is I have one leg that doesn’t yet function so that will be tricky ?. I will ring them tomorrow and see if I can switch to normal membership. As the saying goes I need to be able to walk before I can run. I have found it funny though!

Dear @murlo,

Thank you for posting in your diary despite not feeling "happy or proud" about what happened today. It took great strength to do this and I thank you for sharing your difficult day with us, I also thank you in advance for the strength it will give to others when they read your post.

When I read your post, it really stood out how fantastic you did today by stopping yourself gambling and by reaching out for help and support rather than giving in to the urges. I appreciate your neighbour knocking at the door initially distracted you, it was however your choice to answer the door instead of gambling. It was also your choice to call our Netline for support after you'd finished chatting, you did amazing.

Please do not under estimate how wonderful you did today and what an achievement this was, I hope in time you can reflect on today and feel proud of yourself.

Thank you for your kind words about one of our advisers, it's brilliant to hear your positive feedback and that you felt able to work through things together so that they could help you.

I'm glad to hear that the chat room helped too and that you felt happy talking to your peers. The day chat room does tend to be quieter so if this is what you prefer then please do keep joining our 1pm session. You are of course always welcome to join our busier session at 8pm when ever you feel like it. 

Knowing what triggers people is very important so we can try to put things in place to stop this happening again in the future or to reduce the impact it has if it occurs again. I'm pleased to hear you know what caused today's trigger and that you are now aware of what you need to should you feel triggered by it again.

If at any point you feel the trigger or urges are too strong or you just need to talk things through then please remember we're always here for you, day or night on our Netline or Helpline 0808 8020 133.

Please look after yourself Murlo, sending you all the best and a huge well done on achieving another gamble free day.

Kindest Regards

Joanne

Forum Admin

@forum-admin, thank you for you lovely words of encouragement Joanne, I really appreciate it. 

Morning,

I have only just woken up ?. I actually had a good night’s sleep. I start a few nights on call tonight so I am pleased to have had a good rest. 

Have a good day all x

Got a message saying the chatroom is shut. Are you getting the same? 

Yes. I thought you might have passed your bugs on...hopefully it will be up again soon. Sorry you are still feeling so lousy

No worries. I'd rather have a winter bug than a summer one. At least this time of year you can take pleasure in Hot Lemon and getting wrapped up by the fire and throwing extra blankets on the bed and all that stuff. It will pass mate. x

Sorry Drama is suffering and hope you are soon back to your dynamic self.

Murlo your Christmas tree is a bit ordinary so you are welcome to feast your eyes on my super duper tree.

I am on the train heading to my sisters in Surrey.

Stephen x 

?? Enjoy your time at you sister's Stephen x

Dear Diary. Day 46 gamble free. Getting ever closer to the half century.

Last night I told my hubby about my near miss yesterday morning. He just held me tight and told me that he loves me. I need no more motivation than that. 

I worked from home today and I have to say it was productive. Amazing what a night’s sleep can do. I have done some planning for a whole year work related thing next year with some colleagues and that felt really good, focussing on the longer term rather than just day by day.

I start a few nights of on call tonight and I am at least doing that feeling rested. It can be really busy this time of year so I know that I may not get chance to switch off much. I have planned how I will handle any gambling urges if I find myself awake with work overnight, I know it could be a vulnerable time for me so best to be prepared. I leave my hubby to sleep alone when I am on call as it is really not pleasant to be woken by the shrill of a pager, better that it is just one of us who has to put up with it. I will be handing over my personal phone and tablet to hubby to safe keep. I think he still finds it hard to understand how I can have gambling urges but he is very happy to do anything that may help me and I am so grateful for that.

I phoned the gym that I joined yesterday and explained my leg injury to them and that I might just have signed up to the wrong type of membership for me. What a numpty! They were lovely and have given me a 7 day free pass so that I can try all of what they have on offer and make my mind up after that. They think I might still be able to do the boot camps. I will be going later today to check it out. I really need to get back to a regular exercise routine and the structured sessions work well for me.

I put another decoration on my gamble free Christmas tree. I know the day hasn’t ended but I feel confident that I will not gamble today.

Tickets arrived in the post today for Boxing Day rugby match. It has been a tradition of ours to go for years now so it has added to my pre Xmas excitement. Last year I think I gambled on my phone through the whole match so I couldn’t really tell you much about it. This year that will not be happening, I couldn’t be more certain of that.

I haven’t left the house yet today but that is because I have been busy rather than not being bothered.  I will go to check out the new gym soon so I am happy with that. When I see my counsellor next week I want to be able to tell her that I have done something for me (she asks every time). That’s not to please my counsellor, it is about pleasing me.

I will get paid overnight. Second payday gamble free. We have been able to save some money from last month which is a small miracle given the time of year and with a large vet bill. I can rest in the thought that my wage will be in the safe hands of hubby. I am going to keep on having it paid into his account for the foreseeable. It is what I want for now.

That’s all really. Today I am feeling comfortable with myself and where I am at. The more days that happens, the stronger I get. I have written a gratitude list. I am grateful for Freda’s inspiration ?.

I have to head out for work. Long drive to my destination. I had forgotten what on call could be like. This could be my life until Monday. My bed was lovely and toasty ?