a new way of thinking

Hi Liz, I am back at last, phew, you would not believe the trouble I had getting back, anyway won't bore you with all that. I am now Juliette123.

I see you are doing brill, and hope your wee lad had a great birthday and lots of fun.

I have had some major slips and all I think about when I wake up is where to go to get machines, think I am worse than I have ever been, doesnt matter if I win I just go back the next day and lose what I won and more.

So enough said, I am back and from tomorrow gonna try real hard to stay on the straight and narrow. Take care x

ps,...hey E...for a real good laugh check this out ..

Google Youtube and type in "Funny interpretive dance...don't stop me now"...it will get you to sleep smiling....he also does "hit me baby one more time "....ROFL xx

Thanks Rach,

Well dont listen or take any notice of what i have to say as im full of s**t.

I let myself down,my kids down and everyone who has supported me.

Yes i gambled last night on my phone as both comps are blocked.£200 down the drain now frantically trying to work out how to pay my rent on time and the phone bill.dont know what im going to do.

Have spent the day with a thumping headache and cant stop bursting into tears,crying now as i write this just cant get the tears under control been hiding from customers all day so they dont see me.

What the f*** is wrong with me emotionally im on the floor.All because my ex made me feel about an inch big supposed to be going to the zoo tomorrow dont know if that will happen as we arnt talking and ive now skinted myself.Im a grown woman i should be able to cope with a row FFS.

STUPID STUPID STUPID AAAAARRRRRRRRRRRHHHHHHHH

Just under a week from 100 days god i hate myself right now.

E

Hi Elizabeth

Pick yourself up and move forward. It is a slip but ask yourself did you enjoy or see the benefit of nearly 100 days abstaining. if the answer is yes then get back in the groove.

The money has gone and it hurts because we can't figure out why we did it. Ask yourself honestly did you leave that particular door open. No need to answer it in public just for personal reference. Try speaking to Netline and get some counselling going for yourself. Be kind to yourself it sounds like you feel more comfortable when on the backfoot. Get your life back for you and slowly but surely you will start to blossom. No one said it would be easy but it is well worth it when we get our minds focused. Please take care and get posting like you've never posted before.

Heeey Lovely lovely lovely lady....whose that woman your beating up on?..she's my cyberpal......Keep posting on here like mad as Smiler says..deep breaths ..its done..put it behind you..onwards hun.

Any crappy stuff just dump it on here and don't let it fester....

Keep posting,keep connected and try not to isolate yourself Elizabeth...

xxxxxx(((((((E))))))))))xxxxxx..biggest bear hugs and snuzzle wuffs ...Rach and Dotty xxxxxxxx

ps..popping to my meeting and back for 10pm will pop in when I get back hun ....xxxx (())

Thankyou Smiler and Rachel.

I think ive finally got the tears under control im absolutely shattered my mind is still frantically doing sums i think ive worked it out but my ocd sums are starting to take over.

Im going to bed to sleep on my stupidity i still cant believe i gambled my rent money w*f .

Thanks for the advice Smiler you always talk sense,it was great for those nearly 100 days bills paid,kids treated,less stress.I will get back up and journey on but i know i will be feeling like s**t for a few more days yet.

Rachel hugs always welcome thankyou.

Trying to be strong:0(

E

TW/ T/W, nothing changes there.....

A slip up! not down for you!!!

Have Been there too Elizabeth!, as the Dot say's a great place to let it out amongst cyber big buddy's.....

TW time to become a Leeds Utd supporter and ' Marching on Together ' ..............

Night S.L ( strong lady )

Hi Lovely....just back...hopefully you are asleep and in the land of nod right now ....I know for a fact you will get back up...

Dump your s**t here...reset that thinking..YOUR A GOOD PERSON...you can start your day again anytime.

My meeting tonight on acceptance....

BIG MASSIVE HUGS x ...Rach n Doo xxxx(((((E)))))))xxx

it's unconditional hun xx

Awwww big hugs Elizabeth least you came on and talked about it yes you had a slip up but you know its wrong and you came here and talked about it, over the months I have been here I have seen people fall of the road and got back on and some not so lucky, try and put it behind you and get biack on the bike and get pedalling again you can do it you have seen some of the other side and you know how good it is.

Big hugs and keep going you can do it x

Thankyou,Dotty,Exmug and Pink

Your support means a lot right now.

Had a nights sleep still feeling like poo but as we all know that will pass.

Ive decided im not telling anyone outside this forum about my slip just cant cope with seeing the disappointment in their eyes even if they dont say it.

Have done the maths and if i can get one of my private customers to pay me this week instead of next which shouldnt be a problem and i dont spend anything i should be able to pay the rent and bt by tuesday and pay the childcare abit late which their used to i'll get through.

This is it im not putting myself through this s**t anymore it really is one of the most horrible feelings in the world that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach,the racing mind well you all know how it feels.Im not not not doing it again.

To nick a line from Fredas diary and dotties favourite fish..........

"just keep swimming"

Trying to be strong and Positive.

E xx

Hi Elizabeth

It just shows you how CGs minds work and this is what we need to be aware of. You gambled just enough to push you near the edge but deep down somewhere you knew you could claw your way back by shuffling money around. We set ourselves up and subconsciously know we can solve it. It is as if we enjoy the strife we put ourselves through. Just be aware that we are not as daft as we think we are when it comes to gambling. Hope things work out as I'm sure they will. Move forward and get stronger in your recovery. Take care

just keep swimming .....just keep swimming ...just keep swimming.......

New day lovely...put it behind you ..go easy on yourself today.

Your a TW so don't let anyone bring you down.....

Me and Dots going to make the most of the sunshine and will pop in later....BIG HUGGLES ((((((TW))))))) xxxx R and D xxxx extra Wuffs.

Hiya Elizabeth,

I'm so sorry to hear of your slip, but your a strong woman, remember what you have acheived and done in this past three years.

You can beat this.

Make sure all blocks are in place and have a wee bit of thinking time to triggers and any lessons that can be learned ..you'll bounce back stronger girl.

I hope your having a more peaceful day.

Love Del xox

Hi E.

Don't beat yourself up too much about your slip.That could happen to anyone on here...no matter how long we are gamble free.I have said this a million times on here....what ever blocks it takes to stop us from gambling - put them in place.I still have blocks in place now.

Even today i still wouldn't like the feeling of having control over money....even though i might not want to gamble...i still wouldn't chance it.Thats why my blocks will stay put.

As said don't beat yourself up about this,you will come strong again and you can beat this.We are here for you and will support you.You'll come good!

If those urges come around just remember what you wrote on your last post...

"This is it im not putting myself through this s**t anymore it really is one of the most horrible feelings in the world that sick feeling in the pit of your stomach,the racing mind well you all know how it feels.Im not not not doing it again".

Couldn't have put it better myself.

Take care and stay strong Elizabeth...we're all rooting for you!

Viggo.