Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs

I have just been on the Sky forum and absolutely loads of people in the same boat ..get your father in law to have a look..!

The first month they took double payments which sent me into overdraft and I was charged by the bank...then I asked them to set it up with a fixed amount as agreed to come out on the 20th of each month which they didn't do ..now they have added an extra 10.01 a month to my bill taking it to £88 a month !!!! And are saying that the line rental side has expired after a month of the 12 month contract!!

I have HD sports, movies and free broadband and an extra box...now 88 quid .

unreal ...xxx

Thanks for the post on my thread. I regularly read yours and find you and your words of wisdom truly inspiring, kept posting you are helping a lot of people xx

Hiya Duncan

Still inspired by ur recovery and feel u couldn't av handled that minor setback any better that what u did, I guess many people kept a close eye on ur diary to see what the affects it had on u, hopefully it reassured many that one mistake isn't the end of the world and dealt with accordingly it can just be a lesson learned and make us stronger for the future

Castle2

Morning diary

Thanks Castle, fella it humbles me greatly to think I was looked at under the microscope so to speak as to the after affects of the events of the 30/10. To which I am proud to say a valuable lesson was learnt, a lesson which was all about communication. To not gift pride to my addiction again, and not be scared to ask for help.

This morning was again an interesting experience of life and how folk choose to live it.

Sat at the breakfast table with a dozen other folk, all away from home, feeling the affects of being out of their own comfort zones I saw first hand what being negetive does to folk, it breeds negativity.

My glass is half full, f**k yes I miss my wife like nothing else, my life revolves around the family I share my life with, it has been an uphill week or so, but it has an outcome,it offers a product.

Gambling offered long term misery for me, it took from me the ability to see the good in things, even the winners were never enough, of I had a huge win, my brain would be saying, Why did you not rasie the stakes you fool!! gambling even when winning did always have the effect of making me feel like a loser, that my winnings would not impress a soul, that I had to through gambling prove myself!! The result, it made me look foolish, it just kept on taking, that today I say with honesty, gambling put my on a roundabout, one which decreased in size as my addiction progressed, for twenty years this fella chased his own tail!!!

So Today the outlook is one of which I will take the positive out of every situation.

I sat and listened to the moaning, 'this tea is weak' 'the toast cold' 'tired' 'bored' and so it went on around the table, growing in venom, a mountain growing out of a molehill!! one out trumping the next!!

Me I said 'add another tea bag' 'put the toast back in the toaster, and while you are there put one in for me' 'go to bed earlier!!lol' and finally take your head out of your backside!! there is so much to do here!!

To which the affects went like this.

The whole table looked indignant, the kurmet the frog look!! then as if a boil was lanced we had a table laughing, joking, and enjoying the moment.

This is not me on a happy clappy rant, I am not Mr holy than thou, I look at it like this, each morning I have taken a sausage sandwich I have made and gift it to the fella who sleeps rough in the church doorway on my way out the door, to which I think my life could have been that, it could easily have gone south, f**k we had a warm all be it lonely bed, but a bed never the less, we are healthy and nearly done here!!

There is surely for all of us a bigger picture.

As my dear friend Mr.I.B says 'everything happens for a reason' for me this means to make the best of what we have.

The cost??

A smile, humility, consider others, and all with no financial outlay.

Just a desire, a desire to live.

My reward, my eldest boy took time to phone me and tell me he got a 1st for the work he submitted at uni, for a play he wrote, his own creativity gifted him that huge sense of pride.

As a tear rolls down my face writing this, I smile, knowing that my tears come through pride, because today my recovery has again gifted me this.

MY LIFE.

For that I am and will not waste a minute creating shadows.

I walk from those shadows addiction cast over me.

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler No bet today.

Stepping forward never back.

Thanks for your words on my thread. I appreciate them. I find your own thread very insightful and inspiring. Being gamble free has allowed me a more normal and healthy perspective on my life and my family which is simply not possible in the midst of this insanity. If it was possible to give someone a pill to understand this then we could all be 'cured' (or at least massively helped )instantly. I find your clear, calming perspective and insight to be very helpful and am sure others do too. 20 years self inflicted insanity is hard to get away from but we are doing it. DB

Hi Duncs,

Great post and inspiration! Thank you for sharing. Really touches us all and helps to realize there is so much more out there than wasted minutes on something what harms us.

You are great!! Thank you so much for all your support and food for thought

Sandra x

Hi dunc firstly sorry to hear of your moment of madness and sorry it's took so long for me to realise. As you know I'm not on here all that much of late but I've just read back through your posts since that date and you seem to have bounced back amazingly well and reacted perfectly to such a thing. It has no place in our recovery that's for sure but you have handled it well and with total honesty to all especially to your sarah which is the important thing. You haven't had a meltdown and you seem to be back where you belong in regards to your mindset against this addiction. Which is great to read and no more than you deserve.

Thank you for your post on my diary, milkmans post has helped and although as you both say its about finding the right way for each individual I will try to make more of an effort because I do need to give this addiction the respect it deserves. You have to, I may hate the things I've done but that's not enough to stop me doing them again. I need to remember that and always have my guard up.

In a post earlier you mention about regulating fobts etc and I agree its a waste of time and doesn't help the people it's meant to be helping. It's a waste of time and money that would be better spent helping people with a problem and also as you've said educating others especially youngsters of the dangers of gambling. I think problem gamblers gamble because we/they have an addiction and whatever is done to make it harder to gamble x amount we will find a way to lose our money. Plus I blame myself for my problems not the gambling industry although they are greedy b******s and if you stop fobts then why not ban football betting why not ban alcohol to help alcoholics. I think we all have to take responsibility for our own actions. Hate the bookies if that helps you stop anything that helps is a good thing but you have to accept responsibility if you wanna move forward. This last bit I've kinda just rambled a few thoughts and opinions down, it is after a ten hour shift so hope all make sense. I try not to put to much on my diary or other diaries in regard to my thoughts on the industry as I don't want to cause any offence or whatever but there's a few thoughts anyway. Right time to sign off me thinks. Thanks again for the post and again well done for bouncing back so well, you need to take some credit for that and for whole of the last 21 months. Keep it going dunc your an inspiration to many on here including myself.

Evening diary

thanks for the kind words folks, Dave glad to be of help my friend, your words are for me the complete truth, we spent for the most part our gambling lives blaming everything but ourselves for the demise in our fortunes.

Time to face the music so to speak.

So today is forty days since I gifted 3 hours of madness back to my addiction, those three hours that broke my run of 20 straight months gamble free, something which I took emotionally far worse than the money I gifted the bookie. I am proud of the fact that I did not revert to the old text, to try and hide my actions and recoup the losses by further futile episodes of gambling.

I have read with interest the writngs of a thread or two were the author is working towards taking there mindset from 'recovering' to recovered, something which I hope they don't take lightly, with honesty I did that, I stopped reminding myself of the damage gambling brought to my life and with that the door opened.

For me I will always be in recovery, I will always be proud to tell folk that I am a recovering compulsive gambler and that I am making a difference to my life by making a choice each day. The bottom line is for me I can never let that fact drift to far from my mind, I have to ask myself the question every day. 'duncs do you want to remain in recovery today or give precious time to your addiction?' Today the answer is a resounding Yes to recovery.

I take a huge amount of inspiration from this forum, once again the element of 'competiton' does not belong here, it is great to read and get the feeling that everyone is here for the self same reason.

RECOVERY

It does not matter to me from which side of the fence that is, We the compulsive gambler should feel proud to be able to share this platform with those few non gamblers, this innocent victims of this addiction, there voice is for me just as important, Rach, wj you bring a great prospective to my recovery too, I value your contribution to this forum in equal measure.

Dave you share my thoughts on who is to blame?? for me not the industry, not the 'lucky' folk, not those pipe dreams that made us gamble until our funds were dilapitated, the person responsible for the destructive gambling is us the compulsive gambler.

The way we recover has to be a way in which we believe, whether Captains methods or my own are better is an irrelivent question, the only thing for me that matters is what ever the recovery route it has to deliver a self belief, if there is belief I know there is recovery, the destruction will cease.

Then it is about maintaining that abstinence.

without doubt I stopped maintaining my own recovery back in october, I did not take those warning signs, the words of folk like MILKMAN who took the time to point them out, I dismissed them, maybe I thought foolishly that I had 'Recovered' I think the folk around me did.

We all took our foot off the gas, stopped abstinence becoming the most important thing in my life.

Without recovery all else fails, recovery for me is the platform on which I build my life.

Time does make that an ever growing solid platform, I will rejoin that exclusive club of the 3%ers again on the 31/10/2014 and won't be giving it up as easily as I did 40 days ago.

Today I am ruthlessly honest with myself, it gifts me my belief, a belief that I can face whatever life throws my way, and use the right tools to deal with them, recovery is a gift that doe's keep giving.

The industry will always excist, I will grant it the respect it deserves, that is that I am a compulsive gambler, one bet is for me one bet too many, as it will never stop at that.

With pride today I can say

My name is duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back.

The wounds of my gambling life, my last bet heal over but the scars shall remain for life, today I understand why, they remind me of the damage a bet will do.

Evening diary

The effort I put into being with a different group of folk, folk I never met before I embarked on the work I am currently doing has started to today pay dividens, they are all much more positive about the outcome of a day and what can be achieved than they were but 10 days ago, I have learnt a great deal about myself in those days too.

I am out of my comfort zone, away from the protection of my family, but I feel them with me, there presence is here with me a united front on getting something out of life, something without the involvement of chance through the outcome of a bet.

One of the folk who has not smiled once since are commencement sat next to me at supper and turned and said, I have taken on your positive attitude, I want the same enjoyment from life you bring to the table. My reply you take out what you put in fella, there is always a positive in everything we have put in front of us.

Me I really do believe that, life for me is about ceasing the good out of sh#it and using it to my advantage.

today I really do love recovery, the foundation for everything else in my life, the thing that is my driving force to better things.

Then I came to my room and watched the film dilemma on the tv, it really hit home what gambling did to my life.

Gambling not only financially crippled me but gambling stunts my growth, it stops me from becoming what I want to be, that starts with the return of my own self respect and blossoms into a belief in myself.

Not the false belief that gambling brought, the false swagger and aggressive attitude, which kept me from being.

Being myself, yes like recovery it won't work for everyone, I know fully that my attitude gets under folks skin, I see it through them trying to out trump me, questioning my worth, trying to become the center of attention by belittling my attitude as 'happy clappy' and they try to pick holes.

Well those folk may have more money, more material to show but they should in my mind match that with spirit.

the actions of others wont dampen my spirit it is relentless in it's growth, I refuse to judge them either, I just enjoy being myself, another gift of recovery. This today is a lesson I take with both hands.

To be able to contribute, feel worthy of my contribution because it is honest.

So tonight I again am thankfull for this opportunity and through the lessons I have and continue to learn I wont be wasting by feeding the addiction that lives within me.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Hi Dunc's and great stuff on your renewed commitment to your recovery. Its very easy for one gamble event to signal a return to full relapse, but you are firmly back on the recovery boat.

Like you I am always recovering rather recovered. Recovered suggests "job done", "I'm cured"... but as we have both discovered, its perfectly possible to go for long periods of time gambling free only to return to gambling again as if the time in between had never happened. Best to stay vigilant. Thanks for your support as always... S.A 🙂

Hey Duncs ..

Great post there and thank you for the shout out :-))

My recovery will also be a life's work in progress not so much to get to a finish line but as they say in the rooms...to learn to life life on life's terms.

Very difficult in a world where all of us are encouraged to dream yet often it is life that gets in the way.

My co-dependency will never be "cured" as it's ingrained and learned behaviour through fear. It's deep seated because the trigger was fear of loss as a kid.

Codep is something I have to manage every day like someone who is insulin dependant and gets their meds wrong or puts themselves at risk of a coma if they get lax .

My emotional health is at the same risk if I just go out there and think I can be like normal people because I can't.

Keep posting all your thoughts Duncs and I understand why you need to keep a positive attitude as a guard ..

R and D xx

Thanks for the post and best wishes Dunc, really appreciate it.

It is just not as easy to change your life as people think and be different after all these years.

I cant invent new things to be interested in doing on my own if there simply arent any and I've spent countless time considering lots. I already spend a lot of time reading and listening to music and stuff like that. The problem is I am not doing anything worth sharing with others.

And I cant invent friends and family who dont exist.

Sorry my post was more about just venting my frustrations, not looking for answers as there are none. I just need to deal with December somehow without gambling.

For many, putting gambling behind alllows them to move on to other things. But I've said many times that for me, putting gambling aside gives financial benefit and allows me to pay debts faster, but majority of my core issues remain.

Best wishes and hope you keep your abstinence going permanently now.

afternoon diary

Had a post gifted by captain on his own thread that again gifted me food for thought, today there is a platform in my life for change, the abstinence I pursue gifts me a clear mind to fill with better things, my abstinence gifts me a great deal of hours when whilst at it I simply wasted sat in front of a machine, feeding it not just money but my lifes worth.

Today I can see why I want change, to forefill those wasted free hours by doing the things I simply cast aside in favour of gambling.

Whether that be through spending more time on cooking dinner at home, a gift which actually will save money through spending time 'home cooking' with results that can only be positive. I want to say I can fly a kite, something I have looked at longingly over the years at the folk ontop of the big hi#ll flying them, never allowing myself the expenditure or time to 'give it a go' I used to fish on my day off, f**k I live on an island, I still have all the gear. So why did I stop??

Addiction, rather do my boll#ocks in the bookies than catch supper!!

Well I have time to reap the forefilment these activities will gift me.

I have the time, without gambling the funds and a resolve to say 'why not'

For it captain I thank you.

Duncs stepping forward never back

No bet today.

Thanks for the help, will get back on track, just need to change my mindset.

I have a shelf full of books about making kites as there are so many different types and when studio/shed is built I wanted to start hand making them to sell as just love them.

Not long now so keep up the good work and thanks again.

xxx

Hi Duncs,

Great post, and you are right..why not? Why not to try smthing we wasn't sure about before but always felt like wanted to do it, why not to reap the medals of life we are gifted? To enjoy, share, love , believe and find those little kids in ourselves full of excitement and drive to do things?

Why not my friend? Just do it, life is there to grab with both hands 🙂

Thank you for sharing..really inspiring 🙂

Take care

Onwards and upwards

Sandra x