Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

afternoon diary

Well half day today, going to gift my body the rest of the day to rest up eat well and later enjoy the darts, all be it out of the corner of one eye lol!!

I ran the hounds ragged, quite simply done by giving Mr blue Hovis's ball and off they go running about like something possessed!! fun to watch Mr blue being the older one is far to wise and knows how to stop and turn were Hovis just relentlessly runs in a straight line!! I have said it before and will again Whippets dont run they fly!!!

So I met my Joe at lunch time he was doing some performance poetry of his to help with the new galleries at the dock yard that opened today, he got some good feedback and a couple of folk took his details, he is well pleased, me I am well proud!!

so I got to the dockyard early, low and behold one of the old hotels has been turned into a bookies!! So I walked straight in, straight up to the counter, two folk in suits stood customer side,to staff the other, the lass says can I help, I said yes can I have a self exclusion form please, her reply 'oh we don't have any!! oh and I have not seen you in here before!!'

So I produced a photo from my wallet and said can I sign a piece of paper and give you this.

The fella in the suit jumped in, turned out he was an area manager, full of apologies and said 'why do you need to exclude if you have not been in before!!'

My reply simple, I am a compulsive gambler, it is my choice to self exclude, I left my photo on the counter and said maybe you should get some of those forms!! and turned and left.

So I went in because this is the way for me to ensure I won't go in again, yes the chances of me being in that area are slim at best, but I know mentally that I would not humiliate myself by being asked to leave, Job done.

there is something hugely cathartic about self excluding for me, no embarassment on my part, I am what I am, the embarassment would come if I walked in and fed the fobt, that option no longer on the table.

I know folk who say it does not work, self excluding because you can still go in, staff change etc etc but for me it is a mindset for me.

I don't have any feelings towards the shops, they are simply not a place for me.

So all said and done I would to my knowledge have to travel a fare way to actually place a bet, in which time I know my rational brain would kick my addictions Ar##se.

This is a good feeling.

My name is Duncs no bet today

Stepping forward never back.

And dirty burgers for tea, man v food style lol.

Delicious!!

I'm glad self exclusion helps you! Wish I could say the same. It's a joke the way it's run here. Thanks for your recent post about the knee exercises and I'm glad they help you. They really help me but I'd become slack about it so your post served as a reminder and I've started doing them again. Keep up the fight. You are an inspiration, Duncan!

Not in a good headspace at the moment but will use diversionary tactics over next few days.

Has your son recorded his poetry, I used to go to the poetry café in London and some of them made quite good money selling their CD's to the audience.

Always think it must be a really cathartic way of getting things out of your system but rubbish at it myself especially when I am angry as they just turn out to be rants.

Trying very hard to find the wonder in this life, I know its out there somewhere, just want to know where they are hiding my share at the moment.

xxx

thanks for your comments on my diary and love your last post on your diary I fully agree

Duncan,

Hope this finds you well.

Well done on the self-exclusion-whatever it takes eh?.

Continued best wishes,

gazza

You are amazing you fill us all with so much more confidence and give us more guidance how to beat this.

Thanks for your posts and well done on exclusions

CL

Hi Duncan,

Hope you enjoyed the darts the other night, a few friends from work were down there as it made its visit over the border into Wales. No rest for the wicked however, so I was in work until 9, but caught the second half of it.

In terms of your son, I hope he enjoyed his poetry, I've always thought about it, but my rhymes are whack, as many rappers would say. I do love listening though, saw a guy called Scroobius Pip in Bristol the other month, who is a sometime rapper sometimes poet who I do like, and he does a show on XFM which regularly features spoken word if your son is recording it.

Have a good weekend

Ryan

Hi Dunc's,

I remember a few years ago going on a scenic tour of arcades to get myself excluded. To be fare a couple were very good and excluded me on the spot and even congratulated me on taking the exclusion step. Most places just fobbed me off... i.e. the manager not in, make an appointment for 3 days time, no forms... one said they were too busy cos the bingo at the back had just started.

I suppose its like anything in life. You have to persevere to get the result that you want, in this case..to get banned!

Glad that all is good and well with you... S.A

Hi Duncan,

Thanks for you message on my thread a couple of weeks back, I'm afraid I don't get on here as much as I should these days. I have just been catching up on your diary and it is great to see that it is full of positive posts from you. Today I'm talking a leaf out of your book and removing Location from the triangle, that way I'll be safe so thanks for that, you have been an inspiration to so many. Good luck to Pompey today.

Paulds

Hi duncs

Thanks for your comments on my diary, it's amazing how the gambling demon starts whispering as soon as you are feeling a bit vulnerable! I will not be wasting my time today!

Thanks and loving your diary posts x

Linda

evening diary

Thanks for all the kind words folks,Paulds fella you are so correct in your using an portion of the triangle today, today being a day when the punt something accepted by the public at large.

For me a couple of days where work was all that featured, yesterday I set off on the 4am bus, put in a twelve hour shift and in the middle of it broke the screen on my mobile, so I went and got the cheapest replacement a ten pound effort, no camera,no internet access, it will serve it's purpose until I can get to a shop to pick up a decent one.

Today I set off at 9am and walked through the door about 20 minutes ago, worn out and will grab a few hours kip before heading off tomorrow to complete another long days graft.

So the national passed, don't even know the result, happy days, another bumper weeks hard earnt on the way,my mindset and resolve both strong to keep making the right choice.

That choice for me is simple, gambling has no part to play in my life, there simply is no place for it.

Gambling is and always for me be a waste of my time and money.

So a choice made to abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

morning diary

So I had a few hours in the land of nod, no broken sleep through formulating how to lie my way out of another hole I dug through gambling, just good honest rest for my body and mind.

Up an hour early before I set off for another days hard graft, why?? to top up on my resolve to keep making the right choice and to walk my hounds.

Both equally invigourating and both equally rewarding.

Today I am in recovery, a place of beauty, a place where I am in full control, yes addiction lurks in the shadows, but today I do not fear it, because the truth is I don't have to.

Life is about making the right choice and living by it.

Right a doe eyed hound is looking on as if to say, fella you have been banging that box for too long now!!! lets fly!!!!!!

So I hope the day treats the world of gamcarers well, I for one know it did something amazing for me today.

recovery the gift that never stops giving.

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncan

Thank you for your wonderful writing and insight to just your frank and normal life, it is without doubt one of the most uplifting diaries on this forum. I feel i am lucky to be associated with you as i try beat off this disgusting addiction.

I wonder what happened to sadg ? hope he is ok, what ever he is doing.

Dark Place

evening Diary

Thanks for the kind words DP, fella we all in my eyes count the same, we are all in this for the right reason, to better our lives by eradicating the misery that is our compulsion to gamble.

There is in my life simply no place for a punt in any form, the pure arrogance and ignorance that gambling brought to my life is motivation enough to see that there is always another way to get through the day without turning to the futile act of gambling.

Gambling bred a person I strive to become completely detached from, that self centered, selfish,careless,unforgiving,deceitful hater of life that was the results of a gambling life, the grass was always greener on the other side of the fence, something I thought little or no effort through gambling would reward me, instead the repeated cycle of gambling just served to detach me from what life actually offers,the compulsion to gamble was truthfully an ever decreasing circle.

Today I grafted hard, walked away at the end of my day shattered, but my self respect buoyed by the fact that folk believe in what I can deliver through hard graft, the financial gain more than enough, with out gambling without doubt so.

Days like today I gift myself a kick up the backside for the fact it twenty years chasing a non existing pipe dream,only to detach myself from life in doing so, but in parallel I smile and take pride in the fact I am yet to turn forty and life is gifting me opportunity to live it.

Plain and simple a gamble free life is worth throwing all I have to throw at it, it never lets me down, it rewards me in every sense.

It really is what is on offer by making a choice, that choice No bet today.

It is great to come home to a delicious supper and tonight I am enjoying a rare pint of the black stuff.

So I raise my glass to all of you who made the choice today not to destruct your lives through gambling, in my mind a waste of time-money and there is always a better place to be.

The reverse triangle!!!!

Back in work at silly o'clock in the morning, with a smile on my face and my resolve to enjoy life to it's full potential.

Bottom line is that is what is on offer.

Abstain and maintian

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi Duncs,

Thanks for posting to me, meant a lot 🙂

Great to see you still going strong and enjoying the good life without all the bad stuff associated with gambling.

I see your still working like a mad man but good to see occasionally you manage to grab apint of the black stuff.

Hope the family are good too!

Take care

Lucy