Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Evening duncs

What a lovely read your post is,

There are many books around me I could pick up to read but in truth I prefer to read on here at the moment. I could read about a celebrity lifestyle which I'm sure is embellished to sell more but nothing beats the honesty of every day life from someone bettering themselves in the face of addiction.

And in your case bettering your surroundings. A nice new bedroom to share admire relax and enjoy is money well spent ( as I'm sure is a jet washed footpath) lol

I wish you luck in chairing your GA meeting & wish Sarah a happy birthday in a newly decorated room

Shellyb

Evening diary

Well a super productive,super enjoyable day off today,up with the larks to wander a few miles with my beloved whippets,beautiful to watch them enjoying what they do best,hunt the elusive rabbit lol.

Then off to the paint shop,picked up the suede paint and the right stuff to apply it with, some satin wood finish to paint all the skirting and the cupboard doors.

I spent a couple of hours prepping the walls,took the old cheap shelves down, filled the damage and then went about painting.

The result is the room is transformed,it is half done,needs the fixings,new shelves some art work and Sarah's touch lol, but in all a very productive day indeed.

Rewind two and a half yrs and my day off would have been spent gambling, sat in front of an fobt punting my life away, the outcome would have been the same,the walk of shame,the lies,deceiving the self loathing and tonight would have brought a sleepless night.

I am fully aware what any form of gambling would offer my life,f**k I lived it for twenty years,progressively falling into a bigger,darker hole.

That life is one I will do anything to keep walking away from.

Back to work tomorrow,jacket spuds for supper,comforting, a well earnt nights kip to look forward to first,maybe a snuggle lol.

I have been reading a Ga booklet I found under my bedside table

Tonight I would like to share some of the 'one liners' printed within it

A FEAR FACED IS A FEAR ERASED.

WE ARE ONLY ONE BET AWAY FROM NEVER BEING GAMBLE FREE FOR THE REST OF OUR LIVES.

GAMBLING IS A SURE WAY OF GETTING NOTHING FOR SOMETHING.

I DID'NT GET INTO TROUBLE EVERY TIME I BET, BUT EVERY TIME I GOT INTO TO TROUBLE I WAS GAMBLING

FEAR IS A DARKROOM FOR DEVELOPING NEGATIVES

RESENTMENT IS LIKE DRINKING POISON AND EXPECTING SOMEONE ELSE TO DIE.

all of these one liners had a profound effect on my own recovery,they are all gifts bestowed on my life for free by like minded folk who share the same goal,to arrest the destruction that is our compulsion to gamble.

Me I wish to do the same,I am but a guardian of these gifts.

They helped me make a choice today

One which gifted my life in a greater way than any punt ever did.

You can never take enough of recovery

It is fanbloodytastic

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler no bet today

Stepping forward never back

I DID WIN BECAUSE I DID STOP.

Morning diary

So yesterday was another good day to being living life and not gambling,The GA room is a place to gift a mans resolve,nothing other than that.

I received a text from the Robman,not a text of bad news but a text to tell me he is still gamble free,that is great news Rob,fella I stand side by side with you,on this journey,all men are equal.

Together we can overcome anything.

Then home to watch the darts on the sky plus,fantastic.

The paint has dried out lovely in the bedroom, really pleased with my effort.

That is it,I put in effort today and actually see the rewards,there is an end goal to everything I do.

Gambling took a huge effort,in fact my life,if not gambling I was formulating,working on the way to fund more episodes of gambling,it ruled my life.

Yes I could formulate on sporting events,knowledge is power,my addictive brain tells me this most days,I have an amazing knowledge of the goings on in the football and darts,but the truth is gambling on those events would take away the power they gift my life,the enjoyment would be gone,funny a fella in the ga room said that football is a boring sport without the punt involved.

My question was simple, if it is a boring sport,you actually just punt due to the odds on offer,not knowledge,you surely forecast the outcome on a 'random' outcome of events, we all know about 'certs' f*****g hell I have seen many 'certs' lose in my gambling life. Fact is for me sport today is something to enjoy,I talk with the fella's about it relentlessly,the world cup,the possibility of the b league dominates this week,but it is healthy chat,the word 'bet' is not involved,the again 'random' outcome does not then effect my life,they are no more than tiny thoughts there of my addiction trying to tempt me back in.

Well I have news for you my old friend,you can f**k right off,you are going to be part of my life,for life,that is a fact.

I am a compulsive gambler,no hiding from that,it is no longer a dirty little secret,you no longer have power,you are weak, I know I can't finish you off,there is simply no cure,you will always lurk in the shadows,but the cloud,that big f**k off black cloud that hung above my head is gone.

The 'random' event that is any form of a punt in my life will not happen today.

Why??

Because I have the knowledge and the power to make a choice,that choice today is LIFE

Right the hounds are walked,the elusive rabbits in there sights today,no doubt in there dreams now,as they have found the last of the warmth in our bed!! lol

Off to work shortly,I delayed my start today as it is student finance time again,a process that is a pain at best,but something we will hopefully complete today,22 days early!!

Happy days.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today, stepping forward never back

Morning Duncan

As always another great post showing exactly where you are right now but never forgetting your past , the fountain of knowledge you continue to pass on to many others and the inspiration it gives will serve many others well and of course keep your own continued recovery as strong as ever

Continued respect to you

Castle2

Morning Dunc.

Dropping by to pass on my regards to you and yours.

Glad to hear GA is working for you. I still go most weeks, when family life gives me some spare time.

Gazza

Hi Dunc

Thank you for the kind and encouraging words you added to my diary.

Yours is one of a just a few diaries I keep an eye on as you demonstrate totally the effort that is required to keep on the straight and narrow. It isn't an easy road and far too many just give in and think there is no solution but you keep going and going and have my total respect.

The temptation never goes away but there is no better feeling not giving in - you are now a real winner.

Thank you for all the encouragement you give and the example you are setting.

Dave

Hi Duncan

I've been reading a fair few of your posts and find them really inspiring. I've had the phrase "I can't win because I can't stop" going round in my head today. It's a very powerful thing to say to yourself and helped me get through a bad day gamble free. Many thanks. Granite.

Hi duncan.

Just wanted to drop by your diary and say thanks for being such an encouragement to others.

You were the first person to write on my diary and i thank you for it. Your words were a real help to me and it was great to realise that someone else has gone through exactly what i have being going through. the best part of it is that you are coming through and the words of encouragement are real life experiences.

I enjoy your diary and will continue to read it and be encouraged. Thanks mate

Davie

Morning diary

Dave,gazza,castle and granite thanks for your kind words they go a long way to feeding my resolve to abstain from the destruction that is my compulsion to gamble.

So I gifted myself gout in my foot!! the results I know of the drinking a bottle of beer on thursday night whilst watching the darts!! was it worth it,at the time yes!! today NO!!! lol.

Still with it I will learn a valuable lesson in the form of pain!!

I am up early,the hounds have found there way into the bed lol,sandwiching my Sarah between them,they love a snuggle, I sometimes wish they could retract their legs!!lol.

So I have gifted my mind this morning,reading the forum,it's balance,those folk who are in the very early days of recovery and those who have arrested for a greater length of time equally build my resolve,gift me further knowledge that 'YES' I made the right choice,something I will continue to do.

The honourable Irene wrote yesterday that in a strange way her gambling life gifted her something,that something only to be found once the punt was arrested.

That is recovery,for me something that truly is a gift,to abstain from gambling gifts me the opportunity to live.an opportunity to enjoy living,it is a gift we and only we can bestow upon our selves,no one can make us do it,we really do have to want to stop.

The wonderful folk here show what can be brought through arresting the punt,that is to gift ourselves a LIFE.

Me I am all in.

Made me think back to all the times when gambling laid dormant through lack of funds,the results normally of gambling the last paycheck and therefore having no ability to gamble until the next one,addiction would love this,it would feed my brain with praise come the next payday, it would be whispering 'fella you have not had a punt for a week.two you deserve to treat yourself'

Treat the bookies you mean,I actually looking back can see for large periods of my life I actually worked for free in a sense,I would get paid and arrive home with nothing to show for it,except a bucket full of woe and and bunch of lies to carry it in.

If somebody had said to me,oh duncs this month you will work for free,or we are cutting your pay, f**k I would have been enraged but pay me for my hard graft and without further a do I will feed it into a machine,knowing the outcome will eventually total loss.

f**k for twenty years I lived in insanity.

That is surely what it is in black and white

To do the same thing over and over and over and expect a different outcome.

Funny thing is looking back there was no 'buzz' no 'glory' no 'enjoyment'

Nothing but ever growing loss,loss of finance and loss of reality.

For me this cycle once broken for a payday or two actually had a profound effect on life,those simple things,household shopping could be bought,clothes,nights out/in but above the financial gain it is the free mindspace I enjoy the most.

My mind is today free of the delusional thinking that I liked and enjoyed gambling.

I can akin it today like hitting myself with a big hammer,ok the first time I did it,my mind went hey 'you survived' gifting a happy feeling, then thinking oh well hit me again!!

How many times do you hit yourself before you cause unrepairable damage before you say hang on this is f*****g stupid!!!

f**k gambling was like that.

Today I hold the hammer it beat me with,I actually get to hit it back

Every time it creeps into my mind

Today addiction holds that toffee hammer, I hold the biggest sledge hammer

It says down the side

'gambling is a total waste of time'

Today on the back of that I make a choice

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler NO BET today

Stepping forward never back.

P.s what did happen to the toffee with the hammer in the box?? I loved it as a kid,my theory was the bits that stuck in my teeth I could eat for days LOL

Right off to wander with those hounds,then a hard days graft ahead.

DMac,

I haven't been posting a lot lately but I wanted to drop you a line this morning to say thank you for your support last year when I relapsed time and again. You were always there to offer support and because of people like you I never gave up and now I get to reap the rewards from that. I have a balance in my life just now that I have not experienced in many years yet realise without this forum and dedicated people like you it could all be so very different.

Tomso.

Hi dun mac

Thank you for posting on my diary I have taken on board your kind words and well done to you for getting this far this site really helps have a good non gambling day

Suzanne

Hi Duncs, Just reading your last post and your words around working for free have really struck a cord with me, i have never looked at it like that it makes total sense, i will keep that in my mind each and every payday.

The toffee with the hammer, ahh my grandma who lives in the lake district still to this day has toffee with a hammer for me and my brother every time we visit, i dont know where she gets it from i think she must have a stash from 20 years ago in her pantry lol

Jess

Hi Duncan,

Great to read your recent posts and that you are still doing well, congratulations on finishing off decorating the home, and I hope it is one that really shows you the rewards of not gambling and being able to put your money towards something a lot more valuable.

Your optimism and enthusiasm for recovery is one that cannot be stopped it would seem, I love the positive attitude and the way that you live for family.

The GA leaflet you mentioned a few posts ago carries a lot of truth however, and while there are many things that can cause destruction in life, there is no doubt that gambling is one of the most damaging.

All the best mate, hope that gout doesn't stick around too long, and don't stop enjoying the darts.

Ryan

Morning diary

Thanks for the very kind words

Ryan fella my pursuit for recovery is relentless,actually my pursuit for life is relentless,I have I believe found a way to use my gung ho attitude to serve a purpose,to throw everything I have at life itself is proving to be a choice well made.

I unreservedly throw the best I can do into everything,but in a measured way,sort of controlled frenzy lol,in everything I do, I choose to do the best I can do, there are no cutting corners anymore,no holding back.

This has bred a zest for living,I love the fact that

I come home worn out,truly tired,I love my sleep again,I feel I earn it,in turn when I need rest I fully rest,down tools and actually stop,recover my strength and from it life is all round better.

It never ceases to amaze me the amount of folk who bemoan pretty much everything in life.

f**k I saw the rough end of that a ten pm last night,a homeless lad,could'nt have been 25,he looked battered,the weather not being kind,life not being kind,folk looking the other way as they passed.

Me I emptied the fiver or so out my pocket and wished him well.

f**k that could have been me.

That is sobering.

I am not here to judge,I am her to live.

Through arresting the delusional gambler in my life,I can do this

Abstain and maintain

Right of to work.

Have a good day one and all,the choice to cease it comes with three words

No bet today

Duncs stepping forward never back

Morning , just saw this and wanted to share with someone who would understand, as so many people read your thread for help I thought here would be the best place

" don't hold on to things you can't control- It will devour your ability to concentrate on the things you can"

" chuck it in the f*** it bucket and move forwards"

Shelly - happy Sunday to you & yours