Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

thanks dunc for your comments , yet again you make me feel like not gambling , onwards and upwards , leedso just said on my diary a line I like, I like you and others are now an experienced hiker on the gamble free path , ps was talking about you last night to my girl friend and said about when you found that new bookies when you had asked to self exclude even when you had not used that bookies to gamble yet , and they didn't seem to understand why , but I think it does not take a rocket scientist and I although think you did the right thing found it quite amusing , keep stepping forward mate , thanks simon

Evening diary

Well I have enjoyed greatly reading around the forum tonight, some truly great posts,food for thought.

For me it seems that for some folk using the forum too much encompasses problems for them,it becomes almost a new compulsion to fill the old ones place.

I am guilty of this too.

Dedicating great lengths of time to reading,posting,compelled to get my 'fix'

Always logging on my phone,in work,shops,hound walking and so on.

That was me.

Right up until the point I broke the screen on my phone,six or so weeks ago in work I sat on it lol.

Went to the phone shop,spent 8.50 on a new handset,no camera,no internet, just a phone to call on and text.

This has had a profound effect on my life,at work I work,at home I am fully focussed

I also have the internet at home for the first time in my life,no more restricted to just posting in the library.

So I gift myself 30 minutes to an hour a day to the forum,for me this can mean getting up early before work or like now,listening to the football and getting my fill.

Truth is for me I need this forum,it gifts my resolve,it makes me fully focused on why I arrest the punt,what would happen if I had a punt,it is a weapon in my recovery I choose to use each day.

It works for me,recovery is about choices,do what works for you.

So long as the result is the same,you don't waste a penny or a minute on the random outcome of something you cannot control,something that will reek havoc upon your life, something you gift your trust in to gift you and get f**k all in return.

That for me is gambling in a nutshell

This forum opens my eyes daily to that fact.

For it I salute Gamcare and it's custodians

That is all the folk here who want to choose life instead of the fultile act of gambling which will steal it.

However you get there,it really does'nt matter,thanks for sharing,it helps this fella greatly.

My name is duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back.

hi dunc just wanted to say reading your posts really gives me the motivation that life can and will get better if we have the drive motivation and most of all want for a gamble free life. so thank you for that. reading your last post certainly rings true im on day 5 now and if im honest have pretty much been glued to this site when im not busy with other things, id rather this than be wasting another penny online. This forum truly is a life saver and you and many others are the outcome of this 🙂

Hi Duncs,

I just wanted to pop by to say thanks so much for your post on my diary. It meant a lot and even brought a tear to my eyes. -joanxxx

Hi Duncan

Just wanted to say thank u for the post on my diary. Never under estimate the power of your support for others. Honest is refreshing I what ever for it comes. Something I'm not used to hearing

With sincere thanks for taking the time to show support for all others & me

Shelly

Evening Diary

Thanks for the kind words folks,glad to walk this journey side by side with you.

So yesterday marked 6 calendar months since the day I gifted three hours to gambling,gifting my continued abstinence back to addiction,the 21+ months I had gone without a bet wiped out in a moment's unforgettable,unforgivable stupidity.

To try to fix a very short term financial problem I simply made it worse,rather than swallow my pride I ran back to gambling thinking it would be different this time.

I actually in truth still held the ridiculous thought that gambling actually owed me something,it would gift me some of the money I gave it back.

The truth is I lost every penny to gambling,not a soul forced me to gamble it,it was my choice,just like for those three hours I went back at it for,it was a choice made by me.

There is no glory to be found in gambling for me,just the same results that I gifted myself for twenty plus years.

I did live recovery in fear of the next bet,always looking over my shoulder for it to creep up, I felt great pressure from abstinence.

I had stopped gambling but not stopped being a gambler.

Roll the clock on and I know I have grown a great deal from that episode.

I no longer fear the next bet,because I know I am in control, gambling stands in front of me today,it is like it has always been my choice to make a bet or not.

I wrote before a few months ago that before I was in recovery,today I am recovering, growing each day, today I live a life with a glass half full, nothing is insumountable, I can together with the folk around me face all the things life throws my way and with them enjoy the good and great it gifts.

In the last six months I have changed my job too, today I work for a company that pay me for all the work I do and it is helping greatly in me repairing the damage twenty years gambling waged.

Emotionally and financially.

Would I accept that the last punt I had those six months ago had a profound effect upon my life??

Without doubt I do.

But without doubt I also know that in my life there simply is no room for any forms of gambling

It is totally unacceptable for me to have a punt in any form.

The bottom line is I have too much to lose.

At any odds what I have to lose is not worth a punt.

I also accept that the day I gifted my recovery back to gambling the fact I lost and did not win was the best gift that gambling ever gave me.

Funny it taunted me for a while at the fact I gifted my recovery back to it, in it's eyes so easily,it tried to make me feel embarrassed at the fact that I lost my 1 year pin and fell from grace from the 2013 gamble free thread, truth is I took it badly,but not embarrassed, f**k that would have been gifted if I was not honest,I was and it served me well to do so.

Also the folk in my life who seemed to think I was cured had a rude awakening too,so gladly they re established the blocks.

As did I

The triangle will always be my best friend

I also embraced the forum and GA again with a relentless goal

Abstain and maintain

This is the choice that stands side by side with addiction, two doors if you like

Each day we stand infront of those two doors

I know where they both lead

I have walked in both sets of shoes

One rewards misery and a constant waste of time,not to mention the financial loss.

the other

LIFE

Today 6 months and one day taking my life back in the medium of continued abstinence i choose life

Warts and all.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Morning diary

My whole gambling life was spent second guessing folk,forging opinions about people,judging them.

I looked at life as unfair in many ways,bitter at it's outcome and what I had made of it.

A 'glass half empty' drained by the random outcome of each bet I placed,the wins as insignificant as the losses, because wins for me just temporary loans from the bookies that led to me paying them back with huge interest,in the end outweighing my means,driving me to become a monster,a person I loathed,but could see no way out,except that of the punt.

I wanted no help,just to be financially fed,emotionally dead no care for the world,just bitter at the bad luck that had been bestowed upon me.

In the cold light of day I really do see that the only person who made me like that was me.

I take full responsibility for my gambling life,as I do today my life in 'recovery'

Today I don't judge folk,I enjoy what they bring to the party,everybody in my life is on an equal par.

I get so much from my thinking today,in doing so I am also gifted a great deal of help, there are many folk today that I can count upon and I know they feel the same can be given unconditionally in return.

All because I make a choice,live by it, f**k it really does work.

No more relying on the chance outcome of an event to sculpt my life,no more lying about the fact that there is no more money in the bank,no more envy of what other folk have.

This for me is the gift of embracing recovery.

LIFE

I choose to live,yes there is always obsticles to encounter in life,but by and large they are outweighed by the good in life.

That does not I know today come with financial wealth,it comes sometimes in small packages, for me a 'hello' or 'good morning' from a neighbour is a great example, I have lived in this house for ten years,for seven and a half of those I was mentally absent,my mind gifted to addiction.

This morning I looked out and smiled at the hanging baskets I made yesterday,three for the princely sum of a ten pound note,before I leave for work I will mow the lawn,probally next doors too,all because today I want to.

The apple tree I planted out of the pot in the garden into the front lawn on my first weeks recovery is full of blossom,today like me it has roots that are strong.

A place in the big picture.

This brings happiness to life,a life I choose through considered measure.

Today will be as good a day as I make it,and rest assured I wont stop trying.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Abstain and maintain

Stepping forward never back.

Morning Duncan,

What a great read...

Its no secret, yours and other postings have been an inspiration to many a compulsive gambler on this forum.

I am 17 days gambling free, I owe this to me being strong and not giving I to temptation. Bearing in mind we have had two bank holiday weekends and a payday in-between, its been tough.

Like you I have learned to appreciate the simple things in my life, i.e. looking at the flowers planted in my garden on day one. How they have grown, as I have.

I am looking forward to today and the positive exercises planned for the day. This simply would not have happened prior to accepting my addiction...

Thanks again mate for inspiring me and have a good day

Kick a demon today

Love peace

Duncs stepping forward, never back!

Keep seeing this on the bottom of your posts all over the forum and it always gives me a postive boost. Good stuff 'fella' lol 😉

Scambling

Morning diary

Thanks for the very kind words folks,Robman I am so glad you are still facing your own addiction head on my friend,I know you have time on your side,f**k I went at it for another dozen years on your age before I even sought any kind of help.

Never give up giving up fella,you know where I am if you need me.

Another gift of recovery is the friendships that I have forged away from the forum and the many GA rooms I have been priveledged to walk in.

Some in the form of text and email due to our geographical positions and some in the 3d form.

For me recovery is like an open book,it's story not yet written,from that I do know we are the authors of our own book all the time we take control,make the choice we decide is best for us.

There is no right or wrong way,some relapse to learn,f**k one fella in my GA room seems to punt a set amount once every six months,to remind himself how sh#ite gambling is,it works for him,others get frustrated by this,me I admire his honesty,he fully admits his gambling,it is not the secret,the dirty little secret it was for years,he is an open book,it is in his words 'lancing the boil'

For me this is simply not an option for me,for me 'self exclusion' is my way to lance the boil.

I keep a beady eye out for new bookmakers and when they open I treat myself to filling in a self exclusion form,funny the most recent one opened in a small shopping arcade,the fact that there is already a rival in spitting distance did not stop it opening,so there is i think twelve shops,two of which you don't get anything for your money!! well except the worlds most expensive plastic pen lol!!

f**k they should gift the mont blanc pens!!

And to that point the local council there have had plans submitted for one of those amazing german supermarkets to be put on the site of an industrial estate near by and low and behold they have objected because it will lower the tone of the 'village' HELLO there is an elephant in the room here,double standards one feels.

Shame if it does not happen because I love that supermarket and it would save a trip across town not to mention the jobs it would create!!

that is as a pose to the misery a bookies creates!!

Still as always I see the good side out of everything,it gifted me the pleasure of self excluding,the pride and sense of control that it gifts me,truly amazing!!

So the sun is shining,the lawn looks tremendous,not to mention the neighbours lol, they are lovely folk,a young couple,work hard for a living and are raising a lovely baby too,so to gift the fella is something that brings huge pleasure,he was made up.

Slept like a baby,I love snuggling!!!

Off to work shortly the whippets have stolen the warm bit I left in the bed!!

Dreaming of rabbits no doubt lol!

Hope you all enjoy the glorious weather the bank holiday has gifted

ME I am shining inside and out.

All because a choice I gifted myself

Abstain and maintain

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

stepping forward never back

Morning diary.

Well the day's work wore me out yesterday to the point that I came home showered,ate and put myself to bed,exhausted.

I woke up to the call of the birds a couple of hours ago,my body refreshed,my mind sharp.

Ready to hit the ground running again today,off to work shortly,then a roast to look forward to later,Sarah has the day off,no school today so she will get to enjoy another days rest,Hovis is camped between my feet on the couch,when I got up he followed,I think he thinks if he sticks to me like glue then before I head off to work there is a chance we may venture into the promised land of the hi##lls where those furry little nemesis live lol!!

To which I will be doing,a good hike up to enjoy the morning sun.

The weather is glorious again,the biggest thing it gifts for me is it seems the forum goes quieter,I do wonder if the sun has an effect on folks gambling,it without doubt has an effect on the number of folk who walk through the virtual doors of the forum,long may it continue.

Riding past town yesterday I laughed at the sign in the bookies window.

It advertised the fobt's are now in HD.

So they have decided to gift the punter the best quality picture to see there hard earnt spin away!!!!

I was suprised that folk were not queing up to get in on that action!! lol

Still sure as eggs are eggs the dirty little secret they hide,folk like me the compulsive gambler won't ever be plastered on there windows HD or not!

I could have a full size picture of me,maybe hands holding out my empty pockets, quote saying

'come inside feed your life into one of our machines,if your lucky your will come to your senses before you gift it all you have and some!!'

underneath I would like it to say in flashing HD

SELF EXCLUSION FREE,APPLY WITHIN.

oh hang on the industry has answered all the problems for all fobt playing gamblers.

We get to set our own limits if we play!!

Oh only if they had done that when I was at it,I am sure I would have been rational!!

Oh hang on

my mantra

I CANNOT WIN BECAUSE I CANNOT STOP!!

The truth is folks I write this today for the soul reason that I am quietly confident that someone reads the threads from the industry,I just like to be a thorn in the side,I wont go away,compulsive gambling is a problem,it causes huge destruction,it has many innocent victims,those family,friends,bosses who are effected by it.

The industry I am sure would either like to sweep me and every other compulsive gambler under the carpet,the dirty little secret that they pretend does not exist,we are just weak in the eyes of them are we not?? or even more ridiculous the industry would like me to believe that I could find controlled gambling would in my life work

Hello that is the Elephant in the room

I when I gamble have and never will have control,in any form of gambling I completely lack it in any form.

in this I am not alone.

Still as always the glass is topped back up in the form of this forum,the authors of it,all own it.

Through that they pass on a gift that only the compulsive gambler can give

The gift of recovery

Today again I take it,both handed

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler

No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Still loving your posts Duncs and still standing shoulder to shoulder with you as a pair of thorns for the industry to contend with!!

I am always on the lookout now for large billboards near bookies........with the money we are now saving and the lives we have regained we should buy a few up and use your HD idea, but in Jumbo-Vision! Wow, that would scare people away with my mug shot watching them as they ponder handing their cash over!!!

If you get the chance mate, could you me and the Challenge troops a huge favour and drop me a mail at some point this week with your Spotlight answers? It went down well this week I believe and your contribution would bring real gravitas to the section. Really appreciate it if you could!

You are a gift to this site Duncs........and one that keeps on giving.

God Bless,

Mr B

Great post, I laughed out loud regarding the self excluded sign!

I self excluded from two bingo halls last week and the relief was immense!

Why would the industry think that letting people setting there own limits will help? When you are in that gambling frame of mind all you can think of is how much you can win and if you gamble more you win more! As we all know when you are out of that gambling mode, it is a recipe for disaster all you do is lose so much more! As you say you cannot win as you cannot stop!

Take care,

LG

hi dunc , just read your thread you wrote on somebodys diary , you wrote as you have before so many times and I have seen other people write , money time location , I have seen this before but for some reason it has never sunk in my head properly ,not until now , but even though it has only just sunk in, I have just realised I have been doing this without realising this , and since doing this it was only then that I have managed to stop for an okish period, I by destroying my debit card have taken away the money part that I needed for online gambling , as for time well I think I may of tried that before removing my debit card but would not work for me as with card still then in hand there was too much temptation , although with no card time used better also is an extra help , location again was hard as there was always a laptop near bye , but again once no card I then put at first a block on my computer and also left it at work instead of at home so again extra help but for me the debit card ie the money part of the triangle seems to work as the best tool for myself , but others maybe another or all 3 parts of the triangle , but my point is by me doing this and with it working it proves the triangle works [ even if I only mainly use one piece of it ] and it proves it is this best advice anyone could be given , even if I have realised this after I had put this into practice although when somebody said let somebody look after somebodys cards ect.. that gave me the idea which Is roughly the same as what I have done , but again then effectively putting the triangle into practice , this idea is bloody brilliant , they should advertise it on telly with every stupid casino advert lol , keep stepping forward pal , I did not realise you came that close to being evicted which I read on one of your comments on another diary , this shows how far you have come well done and I mean that , I although not that close when stopping I knew that if I did not stop when I did I knew I would eventually be evicted and everything ive worked for gone , and for me just before stopping even worse than to possibly at the time carryon and loose everything if I did not stop , worse than that was the fear inside me which I have never felt this type of fear before, fear that I could never ever stop, at the time I think I would rather of lost everything and have no fear of not being able to stop gambling, than keep everything and still have that fear , it was horrible and a reminder of why I should never ever start gambling again

Evening diary

Well yesterday upon returning from work I carried on jet washing,lol I found a path of beautiful stone under the two inches of mud that covered it leading the twenty odd feet to the front door!!!

My neighbour came out and asked why am I relentlessly cleaning the outside of the house,he thought we were planning to sell up!!!

I howled with laughter,said to him that for the first time in the ten years we have lived here it really does feel like our home, we are setting about laying roots,like that apple tree I planted out in the middle of the lawn on my first weeks recovery we are seeing the fruit of our labour,so we want to have a house we love to live in,we relentlessly go about bettering it,not for any other reason than we can,there is no competition,no need for one in truth,just a feeling of serenity.

Day off tomorrow,going to fetch some paint for our bedroom,the last room in the house to be decorated,my plan is to have it all done in time for Sarah's birthday on the 25th of this month,hopefully the new bed will be here by then too and we can have our own place of inner sanctuary to spend time in,oh well us and the Whippets!! lol...

We choose a suede paint,more money per tin but I am sure it will be worth the investment,far better than watching it spin around on a virtual machine HD or not!!!

I had a chat with a fellow member of my GA room this morning, he is finding it frustrating that he knows a member of the room talks about his gamble free time each meeting,when it is known that he gambles on a weekly basis.

The reason for his frustration,not the waste of the fella's money or the fact he gambles,bottom line is that is the fella's choice but the fact that the man is dishonest, in a room full of folk who in truth would forgive the worst in anyone,the is no judgement made,we are no jury.

I said for me the total honesty thing is for me the biggest key to recovery,if we are not honest with ourselves then surely the destruction will continue,by and large the dishonesty is a by product of our gambling and if the gambling is arrested then so are the need to bull##s**t anyone.

For me is is black and white,if you gamble,that is any form of gambling,lottery,sweep stakes,mates poker or the odd quid in a fruit machine then be honest about it, that way no one will have anything to say that will effect your decision to do so,yes some folk might not like it,think it is the right choice for a compulsive gambler but with honesty they wont find reason to feel aggrieved.

This journey is bespoke,yes I bang the drum that works for me,because I am fully committed to the fact it works for me,I want to share it,share the rewards it gifts, but I know that it will only effect the folk who believe in the same.

For me folk who want to gamble,that is there choice,fair play to them if it does not wage destruction upon their lives like it did mine,but like yesterdays post I just like honesty to come with that,to pick up the carpet and kick it underneath,belittle it,trivialise any form of gambling in my mind shows no respect to gambling itself.

For me I have a healthy respect for gambling,I also hold the same regard for recovery.

I hope to chair my local GA this week,a subject I hope to broach there to.

Honesty is a gift bestowed upon me through my actions.

Today I made an honest choice

Not to wage a single penny on any form of gambling,because for me there are no innocent odd quids for me,it will open a door I have shut.

That is my choice

No bet today

Duncs stepping forward never back