Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Duncs, am totally with you re the letter. What right has anyone to judge another without knowing the full facts. Gambling may have hit me hard in the wallet but one positive I take from my experiences is realising that we all have parts of our mindset that can make poor decisions in life. Unfortunately for some the results are not easy or straightforward to cure. Even those who are homeless through addiction didn't set out that way. They probably started doing what they thought was just a bit of fun before it spiralled out of control. Something I think all of us on here should be able to relate to. Also as you say once in a bad place the vicious circle kicks in and often with no prospects, no hope and a feeling of helplessness there is no apparent way out. Again something that many of us have faced through the pitfalls of gambling. I've made many bad turns in life but at least I'm happy to say I'll never be one of those who think just because they get drunk in their expensive suits they can abuse those who are finding times tough.

Great news about your daughter too. It's stories like this which helps me focus on the positives and not give gambling a chance to rear it's ugly head.

Hey Duncs,

Just a quick check by to see how you are doing. Determined and confident as ever. Good to see my friend. as of your daughter - Way to go!!!! Am really pleased for her 🙂

Keep up the good work and stay strong, take care

S x

Morning Dunc.

Hope you and yours have a peaceful weekend.

Best wishes,

Gazza

Evening diary

So have not been about for a couple of days,no reason other than work,this morning I left at 3.32 am and walked through the door half an hour ago, my body is hurting,still got to be back in the morning at 6am.

I could have slept over on the job,but in honesty to lose an hours sleep but get to sleep with my wife by my side is something worthy of losing an hour for.

So as my eyes shut I say

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler

No bet today

Stepping forward never back

On the bright side,life will be clearer tomorrow

Sarah picked up my glasses today!!!

Horaay!!!

Duncs

You are so committed to everything

I simply salute you

Stay safe

Suzanne xx

Morning diary

Well sometimes life doe's reward the effort I give it in mysterious ways.

So this morning I had to scrape myself out of bed at half five,shower and set off to work.

I could have simply rolled over and said not today!! lol

So I worked hard and a fella I did some work for dropped in two hospitality tickets for the music festival in Pompey today.

So I got finished at 7 tonight and went with my Joe,an amazing night

Seasick Steve is a true musician

In his words one I love

'I started out with nothing and still have most of it left'

Goodnight all

Back to work in 6 hrs for me lol

Happy days

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Hope you enjoyed Seasick Steve Duncs, he's a great musician and a breath of fresh air compared to most music that makes it to the radio!

Rewards don't always have to be financial either, its all about being in the right place, having the right mentality, and as you said always stepping forward.

Shame you're working on a bank holiday, but I think this is the first one I've had off this year.

All the best mate

Ryan

Evening Diary

Well I got through another tough day at work with a great big smile on my face,yes Ryan Seasick was fantastic

He walked on stage sat down and said

'we don't have any hit's,we don't get played on the radio and are humbled to be here'

what a performance to boot.

I salute you fella,safe trip home,he said last nights gig was the last on a 26 venue tour of Europe and he is off home to the states.

Rain here for the next few days,something else that will not dampen my spirits.

Without doubt the fact I made a choice to look addiction in the eye once more today and say 'Not for me fella,your odd's are no match for what I would be staking!!'

Today I really do understand what I would be staking

Something with a greater value than any win would ever pay.

So we have booked a holiday for next may,my beautiful Sarah is 40 yrs young and something we plan to celebrate with a bang,so off to greece,something great to focus upon,something to work hard to save some spending money so whatever takes our fancy we will be able to enjoy without worry,a great tool in the fight to remain in continued abstinence.

Life is so rewarding today,a far cry from the days of my gambling life,where in fact I did not have a life!!!!

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

I have read some of your diary, reading it all would take forever. I have tried a few times to kick gambling, this time I'm hoping to stick at it. Reading other people's journeys does help, makes you realise your not alone in this big world!

Morning Diary

So today chalk's up 300 days continued abstinence for me,it would have been day 947 if I had not gone back at it for those three hours last October but I cannot change the past,just learn from it.

I learned a great deal that day I last gambled,

I learned that I am vulnerable,that I am an addict and will be one for life,I learned a problem is never to big to overcome,that sharing your problems can be a great help, but most of all I learned that I want to be 'in recovery' I learned that gambling in any form is totally unacceptable in any form in my life,because the outcome will always be the same,

Addiction will always win,the odds are so far stacked in it's favour that I can simply not beat it,it will just beat me.

Gambling won,I concede to that fact and from my confession I really have been able to move on,to live within recovery,to understand what a wonderful gift it is.

Counting days is something I will silently do,it builds my resolve,it adds value to my own recovery,it is not something I will gift back to addiction,f**k I was obsessed by numbers for twenty years,my multiplication skills are amazing,like many here I can multiply anything by 35,not that I ever put that skill to good use.

The end result if I gamble will always be ZERO,the balance would end in 0,ironically the number I chased most!!

Gambling is a random event,an event in which the outcome I hold no control over,couple that with the fact that win or lose I simply cannot stop once I have started.

The answer is there,it is in black and white.

My dearly departed GA friend,the honorable Dave(r.i.P fella) said it many times,f**k I foolishly shared his wisdom with my wife in the early days of recovery

His words

'All we are asking you to do is not have a bet'

Simply the truest words a compulsive gambler could state to another compulsive gambler,one's in truth only make sense to us the addict.

I remember Sarah's reaction

why the f***k,#@##* you f*****g id#*ot did it take over 20 years for you to find out!!!

We laugh about that conversation today why??

Because I understand why a non gambling addict would see it that way,I understand why they feel anger towards addiction,I also understand how they feel in recovery.

To arrest the punt,to stop gambling takes us the addict a huge amount of effort,addiction will live within us for life,it will try every trick in the book to get us back in it's arms,it will lay dormant for lengths of time then boom it's back in your mind.

Addiction is sneaky,it preys on the good and bad times in equal measure,it uses any situation to kid you that 'free' money is out there to be had,the the 'buzz' you love is what you deserve,that the excitement of the chase is worthy of your time and it will tell you that you will be a winner.

The bottom line for me is RECOVERY offers all those things without staking a single penny,it will not only reward you but those you hold dear,it is there for the taking.

For me today simple things do work

The triangle is the best piece of advice I have ever been given,it is simple but fail safe,as is taking life a day at a time.

In my life today all men are equal,in recovery I know this is the same,whether it is day one or day three hundred we stand side by side in being faced with a choice.

Today my choice

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler

No bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Right off to walk the hounds,they are laying on the bed,no doubt when we return they will be back in the bed lol!!

Last day at work for a few days today,it has been a mad couple of weeks without a day off and some crazy shifts in between but I have triumphed,succeeded in what I set out to achieve,a good feeling gifted,one made by making the right life choice.

Abstain and maintain.

Hi Duncs

Very well done on 300 days of abstaining and maintaining

Suzanne xx

Hi Duncs and well done on your lengthy spell of absistence.

Just want to say thankyou for all the posts and help you have given to so many people on this site, and continue to do so.

I will try and follow the example you've set, a day at a time.

Thanks,

Gvain

Hello Duncan

Many congratualtions on 303 days bet free ! it is an ahievment to be proud of. What is more incredible is the continued inspiration, unrelenting support and wonderful writing you gift to so many on your diary. I wish you continued strength and sincere thanks for helping me through so many difficult times.

Dark Place

Evening Diary

Well the schedule I put myself through work wise in the last few weeks had a brutal effect upon my body,I woke up two days ago worn to the bone again.

So I have taken a few days off,I forefilled the work I needed to and have not missed any scheduled so the work I have passed up on was just extra.

I have given my body it's rest,true rest,total relaxation and I also granted my brain some down time to.

Sometimes I need to take charge,recovery has taught me this,sometimes I need to look out for number one.

Funny as an active gambler I thought gifting myself gambling time was the way to relax,something in truth was a crock of s#h#ite,gambling never allowed me to relax,it wound me up like a spring,it meant days off would be few and far between because money was a constant need,either to facilitate gambling or gambling debt,the never ending destructive ever decreasing circle,the gamblers life.

So I am feeling better today,mind and body my own,my drive and determination to live a happy and forefilling life fed,my belief in recovery bolstered.

Funny saturday's always a gambling day,a day where everything was put on hold,football,racing all gambled upon in the vain hope funds to feed the fobt would be gifted and a visit to the bookies granted to feed my addictions desire.

The result by and large always the same,the walk of shame,the promise to learn from the losses,addiction whispering it would be different next time,compelling mt to hide the losses,the shame of being labeled a loser not something I would share with the world.

Today I watched the results,briefly,but caught up with all the great tv work meant I missed,from the mill to commando school I enjoyed them all

Tomorrow I Have a list of chores lol,truth is none will be a chore!!

Parks football first and a wander with our lovely hounds.

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Hi Duncs

Your on going support is very much appreciated

Have a lovely day with your hounds and family

and be very proud of yourself because you are winning and living a full life that has no room for gambling

Take care and stay safe

Suzanne xx