Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Morning diary

on route to work on the bus as rain is forecast for tonight and cycling after a long day

no fun

yesterday back to normal a twelve hour working day lol

lily is feeling like she was hit by a car!

oh yes she was! ,

Thanks for the kind words.

Rach I don't understand why you are still being regulated, ridiculous in my mind, but I know you will rise above it.

Late start tomorrow so I will catch up with everyone in the morning

not enjoying this tablet thing lol

still the free wifi on all portsmouth buses is brilliant.

I might set up a moving office

Lol

abstain and maintain

my name is Duncan McQuilken I am a recovering compulsive gambler no bet today

stepping forward never back

Just want to say thanks, I knocked on the door and you answered. Helped me decide to walk through it and not just walk straight back out again!

Weldy

heh heh...

im being regulated partly for my own good as i did need to move on from the forum which became my safety net, I did recognise id have to "go back out there " at some point,and also partly because I do sometimes go off topic which may make sense to me in the bigger picture but maybe would be too controversial.

Its kind of nice to be regulated ...a bit like having an ankle tag on but able to freely walk around the community. For me anyway, having never been in trouble with the police in my life I sort of wear it as cyber street cred..lol ...im dangerous,

its all a good sign that I am practicing opposites and going in the right direction. No Miss perfect goody two shoes any more...Im a rebel! ..without a clue!

Rach xxx 😉

Afternoon diary

Thanks for putting the facts down Rach,as I said I knew you would rise above it.

Well it has felt like my mind and body have been through the mill,emotionally and physically,working 7 days a week is great financially but it leaves me kind of worn out,less tolerant to the world.

Bless my boss is a nice fella,but thinks the answer to everything is simply to throw money at it.

I laugh because I did that in wholesale form for over twenty years,judged everything in life by way of money,either the cost or the wealth used it as the benchmark.

Funny because my boss

'is seldom right but never f*****g wrong either'

so if things are running swimmingly he is at the front taking the plaudits but if it goes wrong he is great at deflecting his mess to cover you in his S***e!!

So often I feel like I am holding the wrong end of the shi#tty stick

But true to form from it I know roses will grow from the shi#t so I just take it and plant it.

I talk alot to my fellow staff about living life 'holding the ball'

As I believe we all start off with our own ball,it is our duty to keep it.

I have gifted mine to many things in life,addiction in various forms and on more than one occasion the guvnor at work,so they bounce it to their own tune,use it for there own goals and left me growing in bitterness and anger that I dropped it and let them pick it up.

Well today I know I hold mine again

This week I have re addressed my work schedule,reined it in where needed,cut out the hours I should simply not be working

From this I will have time to again enjoy the benefits of working hard

Rather than the boss solely enjoying the benefits of me working hard lol.

We have a very honest relationship,it shocks other members of staff at times,but for me it is a relationship built from respect.

To have earned it honestly without a hidden agenda is the sole reason I hold my ball and to boot understand it's true value.

Right so today I am working later on then a couple of days off,days to rest,fix the garden up for the oncoming winter,time to sort out what is happening with lily's car.

Most of all time to enjoy my family

The most important thing in my life.

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler

No bet today

Stepping forward never back

Yo,

Thank you for post my friend.

Hope you enjoyed your birthday and that Lily's on the mend .

You have a big heart Duncs , and this site is blessed to have you amongst it rank and file .

Doffing that cap right back at ya 😔

Shiny xx

Hi Duncs,

Thanks for your message, It made me chuckle, must be the gremlins on my IPAD lol. Or the forum playing up.

Hope you enjoy your days off, you deserve no less.

Your determination to keep abstaining and maintaining shines through your posts.

Suzanne xx

thankyou Duncs for continuing to show honesty in your shares

much appreciated from this soldier

tri

Evening diary

Well a testing day today.

Hovis the baby of the family,our little whippet has been limping for a few days,so we went to the vets,he had a tiny splinter in one of his pads,buried in there,so four hundred quid later the only thing that limped out of the vets was my wallet lol.

Then lily's car was assessed,a write off.

oh and joe got on a train and some jobs worth of a revenue guy gifted him a twenty pound fine,although the ticket machine was not working.

These events would have simply fueled my fire,gifted my brain the ammunition to go at it hard in any of the days in my gambling life,the results would have just been a bigger hole!!

We have a rainy day fund for the hounds,rather than insurance which would be very high as they are rescue dogs we save a little each month,if they need it that's what it is there for if not,they have savings lol,gravy bone money!!!

Lily's car is being paid for by the fella's insurance company,I have done the ground work and know what they do to find a valuation,so we have extensively researched the value and will present the printed evidence when it is the time to do so.

I refuse to be undercut for an incident that is not our fault

f**k I have paid my dues for my mistakes,I accept no less from others when they do the same.

So on that score the waiting game has begun.

On a positive note lily starts physio tomorrow,to fix her aching side and back.

above all the most important thing.

The unreplaceable!!!

then joe,to be honest it raised a huge smile

They say these things come in three's

And I have had too many run in's with a certain train company to write here lol,I know the rail passengers charter very well,better than most employees because I have used the railways by means of travel for twenty plus years,so a simple letter will meet with an apology and no doubt an offer of some travel vouchers.

So if that is the best you can throw my way to try and tempt me to throw my life to the will of a spinning wheel you can think on Mr addiction.

Today is 50 weeks gamble free since the day I gifted my continued abstinence to addiction

That day's gambling was to in my mind fix a temporary financial shortfall

Today I will just hold up my hands and graft through it.

Life without a punt is a life worth living.

Addiction is in my vision,it stands in front of me,it taunts me,it offers a quick option,an instant fix.

Does it f**k,it offers a self gifted mind f**k,it would break my soul,my mind and my ability to fix the things life throws my way.

So lessons learnt from the day I let gambling back in to my life in a fashion that was more than to just poke it in the eye,it is for me totally unacceptable to spend a single penny on any form of gambling because it would simply not be the last.

Tomorrow I will get back to work,mentally hungry to keep this winning streak alive

My name is Duncs I am a compulsive gambler No be today

Stepping forward never back

Hi Duncan

Well done on 50 weeks. Your message is important for me right now because I am back after a relapse (though 5 months not 1 day!). I let it creep back in and got complacent. It's great to see that you can come back from it with even more resolve. Keep going.

Myles

Well done on those 50 weeks Duncs ....

You're so right there in your last post .."Gambling.... a permanent ballache from a temporary stress"

Sounds like a challeging week but you are applying " ..." This too shall pass" and trusting in that, which I guess for all of us on here is something that doesnt come naturally and we have to work at.

Keep on Keeping on.....and Keep talking.

Rach and Dots xxx (rarely quiet) ..lol

Hi Duncs,

50 weeks is awesome achievement! ! Keep up good work and never stop reaping the benefits of life. You and your family is worth all the best things in life.

Thank you for your ongoing support. .i come to terms to realise that sometimes you have to give up something to start moving forward in your life.

Thank you

S x

Hi Duncs,

50 weeks through determination and strength, be very proud.

13 days till one whole year, of winning by abstaining and maintaining through the rough and the smooth,

that really is great going, after years of gambling.

You deserve this and after one year you will move forward even more.

Thankyou for showing us all it can be done.

Suzanne xx

Hi Duncan,

Now that the batch of three is out of the way, hope you're back in the saddle and racing towards that one year marker. Well done for continuing to take the shots on the chin, and not go down to the gambling route. You know that only destruction lies that way.

Anyway, hope everything is going well with you bar the ones you've mentioned, and hope next week is a better one.

Ryan

Evening diary

Well thanks for all the kind words folks.

I have just got in from a very long days graft,but a fore filling day so you won't catch me complaining.

Yesterday an auntie who I have not seen for nearly twenty years came to dine at my workplace and we had a catch up which was nice,I was very honest from the outset regarding my addiction and recovery which she accepted and was glad I was honest,she also met Lily and Callum as they came to pick me up from work which was the highlight for my aunt as she had never met them before,we exchanged contact details and I hope it won't be another twenty years !!

life never fails to amaze me,it really is a small world,one I wish to have a continued respect for.

So off to kip now

Work again in six hours lol

Another busy day,one I will step through with a smile.

Why not

??

I found recovery before I had waged the things of real value and lost them.

My amazing beautiful best friend that is my Sarah

and our kids.

For it I am eternally thankful.

Abstain and maintain

My name is Duncan I am a compulsive gambler no bet today

Stepping forward never back

Thanks Duncs,

Your advice makes so much sense, and I value it more than you know .

Feeling sorry for myself because I have a heavy cold and chest infection, is not the right way to keep moving forwards.

Your strength and determination through your posts, shows recovery is a gift and I should embrace it.

Have a great positive day at work.

Warm regards

Suzanne xx