Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Happy new year Duncs.
You are flying mate. A huge congratulations.
Steve

Morning diary

thanks steve,yes fella I do believe I am flying!! lol,no longer by the seat of my pants either,no longer lerching from one disaster to the next.

The truth is in december I lost my mojo,my drive got stolen through an emmense bout of depression,I lost the will to see the good,I simply went through the motions,with it I fell deeper into a pit of no self esteem,no motivation,no ability to see night from day.

I have suffered with these feelings most of my life,alone in them,fearing exposing them would show me as the weaker being,a lost cause,also an overbearing sense of shame.

Depression for me brings out these feelings,the feeling folk will say 'what have you got to be depressed about'

'get over yourself' and so on,but the truth is for me depression can't be bought out of,tried that for twenty years and more,it can though be worked through,the triggers for it's being worked upon and through the support of an amazing family and for the first time in my life professional help,I feel again at peace with myself.

The truth is,the real truth without those things,choices being made,gambling would have been the outcome,addiction came to the fore,it relished in the opportunity to re establish itself as my partner in crime,it fought at great lenghts to entice me back into it's way of thinking.

I am not ashamed to admit that,I understand the value of the support I have,I understand the rewards of the effort I have given my own recovery to boot,in tandem they have seen me sail through a period of stormy waters and again find the millpond.

To celebrate?? well addiction tried to tempt me,go on have a punt,just one to share your peace of mind!!

Well my old friend,I have walked that road,I have worn out many pairs of shoes listening to your lies,your false promises to make the world for me a better place by me 'enjoying' the act of gambling.

I know you sit there in my mind through the good times and the bad,trying in vain to get me to part with my hard earned,well not this time fella!! no cigar for you!!

I understand the value of my own journey,how I got here and most importantly where I want to get to and the act of gambling simply cannot play any part in that,because the outcome I am fully aware of,that is misery,self gifted misery.

To my beautiful soul mate,I thank you unconditionally for the unwavering support,I do love you more today than I did yesterday but not nearly as much as I will tomorrow.

To all of you my fellow soilders,never give up the fight,recovery is an amazing gift.

To addiction, 'Nice try' but f**k you!!!!

I am back in the game of life,I have my stake intact and I am all in for recovery.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Duncanmac, another superb thought provoking post, me too duncs no free cigars and any hard earned going that way from me, every penny earned is staying in this household..... onwards and upwards....Ginger

Hi Duncs,

So pleased to see you are staying as strong as ever, through the bumpy bits, love the phase nice try but f**k you, it is hard when it comes whispering, and this can happen no matter what frame of mind we are in.

Thank you so much for your post to me, I really don't think I deserve such praise, as I am just a person like many in here, that got f****d through gambling over a long period of time, and as Suzy Lemon said it deep fries your brain, mine is still trying to adjust, to not being deep fried anymore, (it's already burnt out lol) .

I continue to walk along side with you abstaining and maintaining one day at a time, and by doing this I am slowly but surely getting through each day,

Take care my friend and keep gifting yourself the sanity of recovery, we know that is the only way forwards and upwards and we are doing it Duncs, yes we are doing it.

Suzanne xxx

Hi dunc your an inspiration reading through some of your posts. Day one today for me and hope this forum will be a massive step for me in quiting gambling once and for all.

Will keep reading your very wise words and interesting posts

Thanks

Love that post Dunc's. The going got tough but you still continued to say a big fat NO to gambling. Very well done indeed!

As for me depression has been my constant companion over the years and as you know I once more allowed addiction to join me on a depressingly familiar journey towards rock bottom.

However as you always try to suggest to me. What is done is done. Time to look forward with a glass half full attitude. It won't be easy in my case but i will try.

Anyway, once again, well done on getting through them stormy waters. Regards... S.A

Morning diary.

Folks thanks so much for all the kind words, I really do believe in recovery, it feeds the mind and soul in a massive way.

So got home in time for the darts last night, again it did not fail to deliver great entertainment and although I would have liked to have seen barney win the results were fair.

Tonight I hope to get home to see the final, I will be rooting for the underdog, but the result won't effect my life, it will be enjoyed for what it is.

I am on the bus on route to work, enjoying the wifi, lol my mobile office.

Just a shame I am using the ridiculous tablet thing, a device not designed for a big fella like me, lol

The forum gifted a huge dose of reality again yesterday, Stephen 2105 I hope you find peace and recovery again.

A truly heart wrenching account of the damage compulsive gambling wages.

I have decided not to join the 2015 gamble free thread on the overcoming problem gambling section, the reason is purely so I can concentrate my efforts to giving back support to the recovery diaries section.

After all I remember how significant the effects the folks gave me the first days I posted in desperate need of help and guidance.

Those amazing folk allowed me to feel belief in abstinence, as a guardian of it, I feel compelled to try to pass the torch to whom ever needs it.

That being said I will look forward to reading the mentioned thread's progress.

My name is Duncan McQuilken I am a recovering compulsive gambler no bet today

Stepping forward never back.

Abstain and maintain

Dunc, continued best wishes mate,

gazza

Hi Duncan I have worked quite a lot over the last few years with people with depression and its something ive studied quite a bit at uni so alongside overcoming your gambling addiction I just wanted to say you should be very proud of what you have achieved and your determination to keep going. You're an inspiration if I can put half of what you have into recovery then I will be on the right path!!

P.s. how good was the darts last night!

To be fair Duncan yoy give a massive amount of time helping others , I just hope some of your good work rewards you.

New members and those struggling will be forever greatful to you mate your comments make a huge difference.

Evening diary

John, fella my own resolve is gifted beyond anything I could ever repay through passing on the gift of recovery.

Today Stephen 2105 you took the gift, you choose to take it.

That is why I relentlessly pursue recovery, the gift that never stops giving.

And to boot mr g Anderson rose above all expectations to win the world championship.

Proving that again hard work and endeavour pays off.

Stephen I salute you.

Keep making the right choice

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Hi Duncs,

Hope you and your golf balls are all good.

Keep strong and keep making those good choices.

All the best

Ade

Morning diary

Ade fella great to hear from you,yes those golf balls fill the Jar!! I shared the jar and two beers with one of the part time staff at work,they are starting a full time job soon and needed something to take to a presentation and I hope it has the positive effect on those folk too!!

So off to the wholesalers shortly,I love my weekly visit,then a call in the butchers and the fish market and the rest of the day is mine to enjoy some r&r before the weekends graft.

Happy days !!

I won't be self destructing that with the futile act of waging a bet!!

The odds at any price are simply not enough to risk what I have to lose!!

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Thank-you duncanmac for dropping by...It is an honour that you did so as you were one of the 1st people I noticed on this site & one that I am extremely proud to be sharing a page with! I am so pleased that the medicine is helping with your fog & hope that you never again experience the pain of uncontrolled depression. You have done so incredibly well & continue to inspire me - ODAAT

Hi Duncs,

Another early start for you this morning! I'm on 8-4 shifts next week, but I definitely won't be in any mood to post on here at that time of the morning! Good to see that your hard work in embracing recovery is still paying off, and hopefully 2015 will see even more of those rewards of not gambling coming your way!

As always, you've an inspiration....did you see the pic of you, me and Sandra that she's used as her profile pic? 😉

Cheers

Ryan