Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Hey Duncs or shall i say strip dancer? 😉

Lol..thanx for the laughs earlier on and hope that trip to the supermarket was a success...in onesie or not lol lol

Keep up the good work, such an inspiration! Soo good to see you in high spirits and keep them coming. Life is definitely better having that smile on the face.

Day at a time

Sandra xxx

Evening diary

thanks odaat and Ryan for your kind words,Ryan I get out on no more than 6 hours kip a day,any more and my whole body is in bits for days. I do value down time today,I understand it's true value,it gifts my resolve and clears my mind of all the stacked up sh#it#e in there.

So I have sorted all the suppliers today,a new menu at work kicks in tomorrow,so a few hard days ahead to ensure that everyone sings off the same hymn sheet!!

So I enjoyed some down time,caught up on the news,watched some catch up tv,I love the discovery and history channels,they are great for exercising my mind. Then I watched an old film,the million dollar note,good old gregory peck.

Had forty winks and popped to the supermarket,in protest lol my Lily would not let me fashion the Onsie I have become attached to since being gifted it at xmas( Something I am sure my Sarah regrets!!) apparently a forty year old man should not be seen in one!!!

then one of my favourate suppers,the good old jacket spud!! delicious.

Sandra raised a huge smile today,yes ryan is'nt it great you and I got in the profile picture!! lol.seriously great to see your resolve grow my dear friend!! Fantastic

So early start tomorrow,I will be ready.

Most of all gambling won't f**k things up,because I choose to not let it.

An educated choice which comes with great effort,but the rewards are constantly astounding!!!

Abstain and maintain

A mantra with the word WINNER written all over it.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Morning diary

Well had a read of all the five live stuff,great to see folk facing up to addiction and all but I am a bit miffed at a few bits

I have been obsesses by numbers all my life,they beat me up,budgets at work,dart finishes,odds on a spinning wheel so on and so forth.

the number is 400,000 compulsive gamblers in the country,the uk,that is the official line the bbc and the industry band about,now two things spring to mind,this has been the figure banded about since 2012 when I started my recovery journey,so that means the population grew by co-incidently 400,000 last year and there is no more compulsive gamblers amoungst them.

So given that pearl of wisdom there must be a halt in folk being or becoming addicted to gambling,oh no sorry a problem to gambling!! we can't have the word addiction used can we,we are problem gamblers not Addicts!!

Then the bbc turned Mr,J hartsons words in my mind to the industries gain,they wrote that in no way does he blame the 'harmless' pastime that is gambling for his own shortcomings,it is an industry 'harmlessly' enjoyed by millions!!

I wonder if they offered him an advertisement slot off the back of it!! him and mr winstone having a tear up maybe!!or him and kammy debating how 'harmless' gambling is and how we the stagnent 400,000 should crawl under our stone!!

Well hello there is an Elephant in the room,the population is 64 million and growing in the uk and the line is that there is 400,000 'problem' gamblers,folk with no self control,blah de blah blah

My question simple Where did that figure come from???

is the six million given to fixing the problem sufficient?? given that the lottery jackpot beats that most weeks??

see you can pick up the carpet to sweep me under but I won't go in,I choose recovery and in recovery I am gifted my voice.

Today again I am saddened by the numbers banded about by the industry,I am saddened by the way they twisted the words of a recovering addict,yes ADDICT

Because in my mind it just makes attracting folk who need help less likely to seek it.

Right rant over

lol,I do hope somebody from the industry who fund this amazing place read it,they would learn a great deal.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

1 of 400,000 lol or because I have not gambled today am I no longer a problem!!!!!!!!

Hi Duncs,

Interesting post, gambling addiction has not really reached the surface as to how many suffer with it, no wonder it is still a secretive addiction for so many.

Anyway well done on your continuing success of abstaining and maintaining, and therefore winning.

Take care

Suzanne xx

Duncan,

its been a few months.

Thank you for posting on my thread. What you said really helped me today and reaffirmed some of the lessons that really hit home in my early days of recovery. Thank you for asking me that question. Being asked it made it real. My answer to your question is of course that there are no odds big enough for me to make that first bet. So I won't.

Duncan you occupied my thoughts a lot during December, I know you were not feeling too good.

I'm not a religious man but Myself and my little one lit a candle for you and your family last month. (She knows of a man called mr. Mc Quilken who has 'helped' her daddy) We were both delighted to read of your improved health and mental wellbeing.

The mind is both powerful and fragile at the same time and something that I have had to learn to try to look after over the years and especially the last 9 months.

This was my first Christmas without gambling in many years. I spent my time off wisely, with my little girl, it struck me that this is on offer to me all the time but as I said in my last post, for some reason this last few months have been tougher than the first 6. Not bad, just tougher. I suppose life is not all sunshine but I do know it's infinitely better when I abstain.

I will try my best this year to give back to the forum some of what I have taken and I look forward to carrying on this journey with you and the great folk here.

My best wishes to you and yours for the year ahead.

With great admiration and thanks always, your friend, John.

Morning diary

Thanks for the kind words, this site is truly a thing of beauty.

Listening to the bbc podcast on the gambling within sports professionals brought home a great deal.

This addiction is in no way prejudice, it will take your money whether you are a ten k a week or two hundred quid a week earner.

The stakes are the least important factor, the bottom line is we will gamble until there are no funds left and then do whatever it takes to get more to feed our compulsion.

I believe that John hartson is bang on with the fact there are four outcomes.

Out on the street

In jail

Dead

Or in recovery.

They don't in my mind have an order too follow, I have met fellas who served time and still fed addiction before finding recovery.

For john hartson, like me GA saved his life, I don't underestimate that, it is true, that room and the stranger's in it showed me that there is a way to live life without addiction destructing it.

That is on offer, whether here or in a room, folk offer something without wanting a return, unconditionally the gift of recovery is passed on.

I also know you cannot force a person to take it, doctors can't prescribe a cure.

I want recovery today more than I want to wage a single penny on a punt.

But for twenty years I would have told you where to stick it!!

In fact for twenty years I became further detached from society with each bet I waged, I would have stepped over you if you had fallen, probably checking your wallet for gambling tokens on the way.

Gambling made me incredibly self centered, everything was about me.

Recovery is the polar opposite, it compels me to want to share my good fortune, because I know that is what keeps it alive.

We are recoveries heart beat, with it I believe comes great power, but power takes huge responsibility.

So from irresponsible to responsible, another opposite.

Finally I loved the fact that the greatest gift is honesty.

It doesn't matter what or who you are, addiction is for me the world's greatest leveler.

In the room of ga or here on this stage

We are all equal, no man greater, all powerless in the arms of addiction

But an outstanding force in recovery

I salute you all, I am proud to share my journey with so many amazing folk

My name is Duncan McQuilken I am a recovering compulsive gambler

Abstain and maintain

Stepping forward never back

lol lets hope they don't have to follow that order duncan. can't come back from dead can you?

thanks though duncan

love the honesty

Triangle

Fella the four things mentioned where outcomes not stages.

The harsh reality being death through suicide comes as an outcome rather than recovery.

Thanks, hope this clarified the I intention of the post.

Duncs

Cracking post Duncan. You are an inspiration to myself and many other i would imagine. It is not just about stopping gambling it is also about becoming a better person and being able to look at yourself in the mirror and be happy with what you see

Hi Duncs,

Great honest post,again, your posts will always inspire me to keep abstaining and maintaining one day at a time.

Suzanne xxx

That post is spot on and is a harsh reminder to all recovering gamblers that it is the future you should be looking to a future without gambling , the past is gone , no point crying over previous damaged relationships / debts , etc its done.

The only thing that matters is the recovery and the future , a future without gambling sounds a very rewarding one to me.

Hi duncs hope your well mate your posts great as always and honest, recovery is all about honesty I've realised that have good day.

the bear

Morning diary

Well late finish and an early start, got to bed at one and up at six, knees wanting more rest but not possible, another busy day.

My mind is strong, I understand the importance of living with my own choice, the consequences of my actions today will have a positive impact on my life, therefore others indirectly.

Gambling consumed my existence, it had such an incredible ability to make my mind under write everything else as insignificant, my entire reason to function, revolved around placing that next punt.

With honesty the gambling became less about winning and more about the act of relentless feeding of a machine.

My rational side of the brain, trying in vain to get me to foresee the outcome.

I read a great deal here about habits, me I got into the habit of losing, I actually chased the loss, I would stake impossible bets with very little chance of winning, and when they did come in, with the long odds they carried I would just raise the stakes, two fold, firstly I had greed and secondly I wanted to end the episode.

With each ending I wallowed in the self inflicted misery, relishing the chance to bul#lsh##it my way out, in truth today I can see that is where my buzz came from

Not the act of gambling, but the digging yourself out with nothing but the will to hide the shame of the constant self destruction.

Today I am fortunate, I will get to make folk happy, I cook, the forerib speaks for itself and I will get home tired yet forefilled, because the cycle of self harm got broken.

That cycle sits on my shoulder, one punt and I would be back on the destructive path.

So today I choose to earn it the best way I can.

That made possible by making a choice

No bet today

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back

Dunc's... the destructive path you describe, is where I find myself once more. I have spent the last 5 months relentlessly feeding machines, with small lulls in between and now i find myself broken again. O dear.

I will recover!!!

Well done Dunc's for continuing to make the right choices.

Regards... S.A

evening diary

SA fella I feel for you,f**k I walked that path for more than twenty years,listening to the calls of addiction,fully aware of the outcome,but still feet first I would jump,I would dance to it's tune until I had not a penny more to stake and he would as usual turn his back,shun me,laugh at my plea,look for the next victim.

Oh yes that was me,as soon as I could get my dirty little hands on the funds to bet,I would go running back.

My resolve has been gifted here no end over the past couple of days,some truly amazing stuff being written,for it all I thank you all,keep putting it out there,keep taking the therapy that comes from it.

I understand that there is no rational thinking to be had between myself and gambling,I simply cannot apply any logic to my own gambling life,I chased a five hundred pound jackpot for my prize!! yet I could feed that sum into the machine in the blink of an eye,my lust to gamble outweighed the jackpot,my greed would never be satisfied by the outcome of a single punt.

All in I took my financial status to the very brink,I am sad to say it cost more than just finances in the end,without doubt some long term relationships were lost too,but at the time my own arrogance could not see past laying another bed of lies to which I would tell whom ever I could get to listen,all in the vain hope I would fund my next bet.

Gambling tied me up in knots,I really did give it my all and yet I came up short,it beat me up good and proper,in truth that is in black and white what it will do,it will and does suck you in,gifts you a win or you are sold it by the ramblings of another gamblers good fortune,funny how we paint a wonderful picture of our gambling life when we are active,and slowly but surely gambling will take all you have to give and more.

I today have been again gifted that knowledge through what is written here.

I had to find the want to stop gambling for nobody other than myself,to stop to please others I know won't gift the belief,the unconditional commitment to change,to life without gambling that recovery gifts.

It is my last act of complete selfishness,because it is the one act of selfishness that has a profoundly positive effect on those I hold dear,but without doubt the want to recover had to be found from within.

In my gambling life whilst active I promised my Wife,my mother,my boss that I would not gamble again,all in my eyes at the time for their own gain!! I would agree,lay dormant,make all the right noises,lie,cheat and do all in my power to sneak off to the next bet,all to take another beating.

Today I don't promise,I don't make any noises,today I let my actions speak for me,recovery when embraced changed me,changed my outlook on what I desire,what I dream about and ultimately and most importantly what I can achieve.

I can achieve all I aim to and the price,three words

NO BET TODAY

my name is Duncs I am a recovering compulsive gambler.

Stepping forward never back.

Evening off,got some great tv to catch up on,may even watch a film,the weather here is fixing up to keep us safely locked behind the door!! Gammon steak for supper,delicious!!!

Abstain and maintain