Abstain and maintain.Stepping forward never back.

Echo HL.

You've disappeared again. Sad, but glad your kicking life's b**t.

Enjoyed your post as always Dunc. Best Wishes.

Hi Duncs, I am a blast from the past...

Still here trying to get my foot on the ladder again. 81 days into recovery...Just thought I'd say hello!

Fast life/ dervkid/ easy li£e..

Evening diary

By the time I have logged this post I will mark 1000 days without the destruction of compulsive gambling affecting my life.

I have been a working progress for each of those days and fully understand that for me there is no end game with regards to recovery.

There's been a great deal of change, most recently I have handed my resignation in at work I am going to hang up my cooking shoes because I have earnt the right to enjoy a more for filling life away from work, I have secured a job where financially I will earn the same money I do today working around half the weekly hours I currently do, hours that I will be able to gift myself to purely enjoy life.

Dan wrote that I was replacing one addiction with another and truthfully he was right, I have been a people pleaser all my life and my current job has proved that in so many aspects, so I have decided to create change.

I wish to watch live football every Saturday and will purchase a season ticket to enable myself the ability to do so next week.

I have so many things that I wish to accomplish in my life and work inhibits my ability to do so currently.

Sarah has six weeks off for the school holidays and I will enjoy wholly the last weeks in her company and deeply look forward to doing so.

Gambling took away the ability for me to make the choice I have embarked upon because I enabled myself to feed it's desire for a great number of years and put that before anything else.

Today my life is different in so many ways.

I have found a measure from within, I am actually comfortable in my own skin,I no longer seek escape every time a situation gets the better of me, I understand my depression much better today and can speak openly regarding it without shame.

There are still dark days, days when addiction tries to capitalise on the negative and wills me to hit the self destruct button but I know the drill, I voice it,I let it out of the bag and in doing so I take away the power it had over my mind.

The further I progressed into the arms of addiction the more detached from life I became, addiction was my dirty little secret and it had such power over my mind, it sold me the line that the world would view me as a loser if I where to tell, with that the lies grew and a cycle of despair with it,actively feeding addiction nullified opportunity because it took my everything, I would willingly give it all I had and more.

I believe that the end game would have been suicide for me if recovery wasn't found, an act I saw as a gift to my beloved family.

So today I will seek to enjoy myself through the actions I take and the ability they bring to share with my family.

I am still amazed by numbers but no longer in a fashion that creates a negative outcome.

I sought to change in January 2012, I went 18 months without waging a penny,by many I was considered cured,in fact I was the same person inside, I had simply stopped actively gambling but changed nothing, I loathed the actions of others, I was twisted in my view of the world, I couldn't see the positive in action, I believe that addiction still held a position of power.

Then I found opportunity, an excuse and the scariest thing was it felt like I had never been away.

The outcome was financial loss and I broke myself.

I am truly grateful I did because that day I truly sought recovery, I have given everything to it, I will continue to do so for life, it takes a huge amount of effort and the outcome is staggeringly beautiful.

I have so much more than addiction would have made me believe and there's no odds worth staking on to match what I would lose, without waging a single penny I have been on the winning streak addiction falsely offered my mind for twenty years and over.

The significance of 1000, just this my mum gave me a framed tapestry which says

Every journey of a thousand miles begins with a single step

I have I believe found direction through recovery.

It's on offer to every addict , I understand that the only person who can take the opportunity is the addict themselves.

I have a respect for addiction today, it lives within me

Equally I live within recovery.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Abstain and maintain.

Hi, Duncan,

Glad to hear you're doing well and would agree that the cooking hours sounded high. But they were fulfilling and productive and came from a positive skill, all worthy of respect.

I read of someone who had been sober for many years but who still measured it in days and kept a daily note. When he eventually died at a good ripe age, his day count was 16,048.

BW,

CW

Good morning Duncan and may i say welcome back!!.

As always your posts are very thought provoking and the positivity in your continued abstaining shines through.

Like you i am also looking forward to the new season and hoping the hatters can mount a serious challenge this year.

I wish you well

Morning Duncs,

Congratulations on the day sand the new job, I was in the chefing game many moons ago and got out because the hours meant i had no life, never really gambled whislt i was a chef dont think i had the time it all started after, just word of warning sound like you're alraedy prepared, thats if you consider Pompey football, it is debatable. love the tapestry quote.

Always good to see you drop in a great inspiration.

KTF

Congrats on the 1000 days Duncs and the new job. Fair play to you for making the change, it can be quite daunting but with less hours spent working you will hopefully see the benefits. Always enjoy your posts. You have a way with words and are able to express yourself in a way I could only dream of.

All the best

Hi Duncs,

Was so happy to see a post from you. As always, thank you for sharing your journey and all of your thoughts along the way.

Ohhh Duncs, I'm so pleased to see you are cutting down your hours 🙂 I am sure your family will be as appreciative as always if you lavish your love for cooking solely on your own dinner table! Maybe now we can get our act together & go see Mick 😉

Great to see the return of the mac! This place is richer with your presence

Truly inspiring Duncan, massive hats off to you on 1000 day achievement!

This week I will hit 100 days gamble free - but as you say in the early stages, I have only stopped gambling but through counselling and a commitment to life without any forms of gambling I hope to speak with the humility and self awareness you have 900 days in the future.

For the 1st time in a decade I am convinced that I will and can see clearly that life is so much better without a bet.

Tommy.

Congratulations Duncs, excellent achievement, your positive contributions have been much missed xxxx

Hi,

I have something on my mind...When you reveal to someone you are a CG..Do people laugh & frown upon it? I feel ashamed sometimes about telling people what I have done? Is it an insane way to self harm...

Just thought that it is a spiral downward, in the form of a 'harmless game' that comes with a 'health warning' yet still the gaming industry targets the poor leaving them even poorer?

I think sometimes... I must have been really weak minded to fall for it...