After I quit gambling

Day 102

There is a NBA final game today and we also have baseball games. I am currently unable to go out to enjoy the activities because of my disability. Sitting in the room all the time gets me tired mentally. Somehow, I started thinking it’s okay to bet. I might even win. Those thoughts are very similar to the thoughts that happen before previous relapses.

It sucks being a disabled man. And it sucks being a compulsive gambler.

Day 103

The urge to gamble from yesterday is gone now. I was thinking about 14K that was lost during last relapse. I have to consider it as some past expense. I spent it and it is gone. Nothing to look back. What only matters right now is to focus on the future and to care less about what others might be thinking about me. What they think about me is their problem. To me, I only focus on myself and my future.

Day 104

Today, there is a NBA final game. I automatically started calculating which team to bet on. Like many other complusive gamblers, no matter how many times I have said I am done with gambling.. there are always good chances of relapsing. After the day you decided not to gamble, it is not all the end. You have to be consistent with not gambling and with occupying yourself with other habits.

I just closed a NBA final game while watching because it gave me an urge to gamble. It was sport bettings that drove me crazy with relapses after relapses.

merlins wrote:

Things don't get automatically easier after I quit gambling. There are still a lot things left to deal with. There were reasons since I gambled, such as, boredom, depression, loneliness, finance. I have to keep myself focus on improving the quality of my life while I am on my guard against the relapses.

I am not generally happy with my life right now but I am glad that I am not gambling. I have to remind myself often that I need to start from a baby step towards my goals. Sometimes, I am drained to do anything but starting with a babystep seems doable and I take the inspiration from achieving the small step and I keep on going.

Day 101 of gambling free days. I am not happy nor rich right now because of achieving that number but since I don't gamble, one less thing to worry about and no financial hardship that comes with gambling.

Some good stuff there. Break it down to baby steps whenever things seem too much.

As long as your goals are aligned with your values - your values being what you want to live your life by- then you will gain meaning, purpose and vitality. You might still feel discomfort, it might not always be easy, but the alternative is stagnating, waiting, waiting, beating yourself up because your waiting.

It really isn’t about the end point but the process.

All the best

Louis

Hi Louis,

Thanks for the comment. I am dealing with depression at the same time with gambling problem. It makes things complicated sometimes. When I should get motivated for gambling free days, I feel depressed and hopeless... and lack of interest in doing things. Like I said I will chop things down to baby steps. At the same time I have been losing interest in doing things.

Day 107

Another NBA final game and another urge. I was thinking I would have bet on Warriors and won last two games. I will be honest I can't think any common sense about past gambling problems when I am having an urge.

Day 112,

So here I am again. broke, disabled and no girlfriend. I am finding it very hard to be motivated or happy these days. But I am not killing myself nor gambling again because of these. I don't know what to live for these days but I will be one day.. I will find the light.. I will discover my energy again one day.

hey merlins - well done on looking forward and on your continued abstinance - It's not an easy fight is it, we can continue fighting though, one day at a time, I'm currently most proud that I am 'owning' my addiction these days, rather than making excuses or blaming others.

How about you, what are you most proud of right now?

Thank you for coming by. The fight is inside me everyday. I love to sleep as much as I can and as long as I can because when I am falling asleep, no thoughts nor depression. But I am most proud of myself that I haven't killed myself and I still fight for myself even though I have been struggling with depression and gambling addiction for years.

and tell me a goal you will achieve in the next few weeks or months, not connected to gambling

I am going to tidy and sort my loft out this weekend, its a complete mess, boxes of junk and kids toys that all need a proper sort out, It's needed doing for 6 months at least, I keep thinking about it and it bothers me, I will feel better once I've done it and so I will do so this weekend

How about you Merlin?

To me, I wanna walk again. Due to my disability and surgery, I have not been able to walk for a while. Now I am learning to walk again. Also walking helps me with my mental health.

Day 113,

World Cup games give me a great deal of urge. I try to watch the games but I started predicting the winners and when my predictions are correct, it makes me feel uncomfortable for not making some bets on my predictions. But I always look back what gambling did to me and the patterns of my self-control when I gambled.

Day 114

For some careless mistake, I realized I lost 500 on something today. Even though it wasn't from gambling, my chasing instinct kicked in. I was angry over the incident and I was thinking to bet on World Cup to chase the loss.