Andy's Diary

First GA meeting went really well.

Must admit to feeling a tad overwhelmed though with everyone's hospitality, being a compulsive gambler that sort of hospitality is alien to me right now.

I thought I had this cracked, but am only scratching the surface.

Don't know if that makes sense at all ?

Hi, good to see you made the jump 🙂

You may feel like you are only scratching the surface but you have to start somewhere & I can't see any obvious doors left open! I'm glad GA went well...It certainly seems that people who are willing to put their heart into recovery have very positive experiences in the GA room!

Keep fighting - ODAAT

Andy

Fella I walked into the GA room a broken man, with honesty I couldn't see past the next punt, progressively for twenty years I further and fully committed my life to addiction.

That room saved my life.

I sincerely mean that.

Welcome aboard.

Recovery is a self given gift, give it as much effort as you did your gambling and the results will be profoundly positive not just for you but those you hold dear.

Equally share your recovery journey with your wife, she like my own wife is another innocent victim of this all consuming addiction.

Abstain and maintain

Duncs stepping forward never back.

Thanks for the comments.

Planning on going to the next meeting on Thursday night, different location but some of the same folks, briefly spoke of my problem to the group and I'm guessing they'll expect to to elaborate on it ?

I'm not good at speaking in front of a group and even worse when it's strangers, but I'll go along and see what happens and see how I feel afterwards.

Day 10.

Feeling good.

Triangle was complete today and had ample opportunity to gamble and I resisted.

Wife has been giving me £2-3 per day for lunch etc and this morning she had no change so gave me £10.

Later in the morning I was sent on an errand from work that involved going to a suppliers 50 miles away, I had ample opportunity to visit a bookies, instead I went for lunch and tried my damnest to spend my £10 on KFC, I left feeling bloated but ecstatic, and I still had a couple of pound left, normally this would have involved losing money in the bookies and 2 or 3 free cups of coffee.

Maybe sounds silly but treating myself to lunch is something I've neglected myself of and it felt far better than the sinking feeling of leaving a bookies empty handed, which is the likely outcome of a visit.

Onwards and upwards.

Hi Andy! Watch the waistline with all that KFC! But seriously, it sounds ludicrous to a non-CG, but I know how happy spending money on "real" stuff (well junk food, but we'll let it pass this time) instead of gambling it away can make you feel. Is it crazy to feel proud about that? Well, when you've become a programmed habitual gambler of 20+ years who seldom thought of anyone or anything other than gambling, then hell yes. Be proud, very proud.

Hi Andy congrats on making it to ten days. Its not silly at all how you felt when we gambled putting a bet on was priority way more important than having a nice lunch.

Keep it up mate

Thanks for taking the time to comment, kind words are going a long way to beating this.

KFC...Really 😉 I get it mate, I really do & I couldn't agree more, it feels incredible 🙂

Congratulations on double figures 🙂

& a hat off to the missus...I wouldn't be here in recovery without my Northern Monkey!

Onwards & upwards (OAU) indeed - ODAAT

Keep going Andy, I totally get the fact of spending money on something for you, I used to argue with my wife In The supermarket if she picked up a £2 treat or wanted branded goods as I couldn't justify wasting £2 on something, but then I would go to a bookies and blow £2000 on gambling then go to a Loan shop borrow £1000 to chase my losses and think nothing of it!!! I am 35 days clean today, and my son has been complaining his mattress hurts his back. This is my goal to buy him a new one, this would be a massive achievement for me. Keep fighting life without gambling is the way to win

Totally agree ODAAT, our partners put up with quite a bit with us CGs, and deserve a lot of credit for our recovery.

davebs26 - totally relate with that, I would scour the internet to save a few quid and then gamble it away 10fold without a second thought.

Day 11.

Feeling good.

2nd GA meeting tonight and wasn't as nervous as the first, folks I met on Monday were genuinely happy to see me, and the new folks I met, likewise with Monday, were friendly and welcoming.

They've all got the t-shirt and know exactly the place I'm in just now, they are relating to what I'm going through and I'm relating so much with what they have to say.

I'm adamant I'm going to beat this.

Onwards and upwards.

Good to see you making great progress Andy! Keep the barriers up over the weekend and have a good one bud!

All barriers in place, there's no way I'm letting any of them down.

Day 12.

Feeling really good and looking forward to my second gamble free weekend.

As well as self excluding and handing finance control to my partner changing my routine is massively helping.

Normally I'd go for shopping and use that opportunity to sneak a few quid for gambling.

This was giving me the time, money and I was making sure of the location completing the triangle and seeing my lose money.

Now we go shopping as a couple/family and this breaks the triangle helping me recover.