Angel From Montgomery

Hi sis

Oh god, it is painful to see post like that..please girl hold it all together, running away from problems never helped before so this time is no different. Stick close by this site, keep talking and venting it all out. You are never alone, you know that we will always understand and walk shoulder to shoulder in this battle of life.i for sure not even dreaming of leaving ur side.

Stay safe girl, cmon push through it and kick the sh-it out of this ugly habit! I know you can

look after yourself ((((J))))

S x

Thanks Sis....

I'm holding on by a thread but, am holding on. I had an extra piece of roasted pork at dinner. CALL THE FOOD POLICE! Lol! The strongest urges have passed. I have no intention of handing that cash over to those thieves. Back in the day I would come home after a stint and fantasize about how I was going to exact revenge on those greedy ba sta rds. Today I know that the best revenge is to feel good about staying home and most of all not giving them my money. Nah nah nah nah nah... Ha ha ha...

The sun is going down. It's a beautiful evening. My stomach is full and so is my heart. It's all good. Fear is a real bi t ch. It can really distort things. If I find out that more tests are required then we will get more tests done.

Now, I think I will have a cup of tea with P and watch the sunset.

Heyyyyy Sister!!!

I love this post because the strength and determination shines right through. Yes, you are right...the fear of the fear is a b*****d, not the fear itself.

You are here and now, you living your life to it's fullest, you see sky and sea, grass, beautiful wildlife and your loved ones around you. You can smell, feel touch and have dreams. You ARE the person making so many souls happy, you don't have to try hard...in fact you don't have to try at all to put a smile on others faces. It is YOU who is most important person of them all.

Let the fear go, look at life for what it is - a life of an amazing soul which battles through all the ///// life keeps throwing her way. You are a fighter and survivor!! 🙂

As of casino places.....- f*** them. Sorry for my language..but f*** THEM!!! lol..sorry 😉

You are doing great and deserve everything in this life...be proud, enjoy and live in peace with urself.

Be proud because I am well proud of you sis!!! xx

Ps.now all you have to do is go out and treat yourself with something nice 🙂

Well hey girl real glad ya didn't give into them urges and sitting way better today. Hope them test results turn out just like you want them to be and no more stressing in that area of your life.

Simly - you are fantastic girl!!! Keep it up and thank you so much for your kind words....even had tears welling up, really means a lot. Thank you sis

Take care and have a lovely day

Ps. It is afternoon here lol and day off which just makes it all a lot better :-))))

Always here x

Ed

fella the earth was robbed of your presence too soon but rest assured my dearly departed friend that you planted a seed before you went,from that seed in my mind an acorn a mighty oak is growing.

The roots are spreading with that strength is being gifted,through the flourishing of the leaves shelter is being given,that tree even offers up fruit from its experience,it gifts that fruit to others through the therapy of recovery.

That mighty oak has a name Ed the name it bears is Joan.

The tribute that I like most is the hand carved heart it bares in it's bark, in the middle it has the initials E and P.

For that is something to behold.

Take care my friend,keep feeding that oak with the sunlight you bring from above where you keep a close eye.

For it be proud.

unconditionally

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi E and Joan,

My lovely sis, such a great words you have shared with me today. Words which kicked my backside and urged me to kick this addiction. I truly don't want to give anymore, not for that place. I do not need it to pass the time, run from troubles or celebrate my victories in life. No, those door are shut and I'm not putting my soul up for sale...I paid a big price to get it back before, I am not going back there.

It is frustrating and annoying. But it is reality. I can't kick this compulsion out of my life, I accept it there and keep moving on. Thoughts are only thoughts, they do pass...Ed, your sister did an amazing thing today and shared her feelings to save another soul. Something so special. I think she picked up this lovely personality from you, I know how much she misses you and I also know how proud you are of her. You might not come in a form she expects but I'm sure you are there with her in any other way. Same blood and soul, that will never get separated. The bond not many people are fortunate to have.

I thank you both for making diference in others lives.

S x

Hi Joan

(just wrote a long message to you and it disappeared into the ether so here is a condensed version in case it happens again)

thank you for dropping by, I really appreciate it.

I completely understand the anxiety around hospital stuff and maybe even worse in your line of work as no one can bulshit you. I manage by going on my own which people think is really strange, even major ops, as I find I shut down and seem to go into a sort of yoga state as a way of coping - I described that well doh.

Was thinking about last year when Rach suggested you plan a trip as you wanted to travel , I forget where , the mountains maybe. Could that 500 go towards a trip in the summer maybe. I am always better if I have a plan for any money I have but it does have to be an extra special plan or it just goes out the window with my willpower.

Better stop as getting dyslexic as had no sleep tonight, for some strange reason my brain wouldn't shut down, must be all the flu medication I've been taking - better buy some night nurse tomorrow/today.

xxx

love reading the responses you get as your personality and writing encourages others to express themselves so well.

Hi E.

Thursday night. last day of the work week. That extra cash still burning a hole in my brain. Of course Dragonfly is right. There is something else to spend this money on. We don't have to throw it all away!! f******g urges please go away. Please leave me alone!! P is weak too and the mere suggestion will send us riding into Rhode Island and into that hell hole. 45 minutes to an hour later we will be flat broke. I am so f******g sick of this merry go round ride from hell. We will not win because we will not stop. We never stop until the last dollar is spent. We don't even hold back a buck to tip the valet. It always ends the same way.

Well you know the routine so yeah don't follow that path. Stay home and be safe and entertain yourself with a good movie or show.

Hi sis,

I hope you have navigated through yesterday safely and managed to tap that ugly urge on the head!! It is not worth it, no money can buy what you have now,..my friend, you have more than you can ask for...there is no place for self destruction. .no way..u and P deserve only peace and happiness, grab your life by it's horns and enjoy.

Have a nice weekend, I am surely waving over the pond

((((J)))) stay safe

S x

Morning E.

We stayed home last night. Urges are gone. My stash remains intact. We have a lunch date with a good friend today. I'm ok but, if I am being honest with myself I must admit that I am still feeling very close to the edge.

I worry incessantly about everything. I think it wears me out sometimes. I run to the slots for comfort. As sick as that sounds. I have come to realize that the losses I experience after a gambling stint only adds to my misery. It compounds my worries. Gambling my money on slots in one word is: insanity. I can never win because I will never stop. Getting started is the worst thing I can ever do.

I guess that's it for today. I was going to go on a rambling diatribe about the gambling industry and slots being the *** C*****e of gambling addiction but, what the f****k for? What I need to do is get off my rump and get busy living.

It's gonna be a good day today. Talk soon. -joanxxx

Hi Judy,

I tried to read a lot of your dairy but its very long i have a long way to go to read it all. I wanted to say its a very honest and interesting diary and i am a fan. I am a compulsive gambler my name is lee and nice to meet you.

CasinoRoyaloser

Well glad ya got through the night ok and be sitting better for it. Don't take long for the fun to end at the place and sure ain't worth the price we pay. LOL Hell could of done more than a few trips around the world I think with the money lost there. LOL

Hope your enjoying the weekend.

Awe sh-it I'm always replying to people on my own thread. LOL oh i could be catching that show too tonight but waiting for tomorrow sometime to enjoy it with that cold one. LOL kick a-ss ending to the last season so yeah bring on the new one.