Angel From Montgomery

Hi Judy again you posted on mine thank you so much i need it. I am truly thankful to you, the site and many many others. I am always realizing that were all in this together and i am not going to do this alone i don't want to do this alone. I have really enjoyed your posts i re read some again today. I am in the best mood i have been for 8 weeks. So spreading it on here, showering you with positive energy..

CasinoRoyaLoser

Hi Sis,

Just coming by to say hi :-)))

Hope you are ok, I seem to come round now and wanted to thank you for being there and then..the minute I needed someone close by.. ..in spirit and soul.

stay safe girl, keep smiling and treasuring your life. You ARE worth it my girl

((((J)))) xx

Thanks Sis! Will repost soon..

Hi E.

So out of HABIT as soon as I got home from work last night my mind began churning up thoughts about gambling on the slots. How spending 300 bucks would be fine and that it would be fun. Thankfully, P was having none of it.

We talked through it and reminded ourselves of the one thing that my fuzzy gambling brain always manages to leave out. Whatever we set as a limit to spend we never stick to. Once we get started we cannot stop. We never win because we never stop. What starts out fun ends up in ruins.

Seriously, there are times I get so frustrated by the losses and the chasing that I cry about it. That is NOT fun!! It seems when it comes to gambling on slots I choose what I want to remember. The winning and the fun. Uh, yeah but, what about the rest of the story? It's as if my own mind runs like an advertisement for gambling.

To add to my growing list of what gambling steals from me: My individuality. I blindly follow the gaming bosses believing what they tell me about gaming, and that it is about having FUN and could be lucrative! BU L L SHEE I T!! It is what it is. Feeding cash. fives, tens, and twenty dollar bills (no longer loose change) into machines designed to trick my brain chemistry into waiting on a random pattern to pay out and, that return may never come. It doesn't have too. After all the outcome is purely random!! That's idiotic! It's not even a value for a value. The d**n thing doesn't have to give you a go d dam n thing in return. But it might. But it might. That is not the logic of a rational individual. That is the mindset of a fool.

E. you and I are fans of the rant. We know that sometimes, anger can be a good friend. Today, I am using my anger for the good and directing it where it belongs. If we all smartened up as consumers those as s wipes would all go out of business.

It's raining today so I am thinking that I will take P out to lunch and a movie. I want to see Angelina Jolie in 3D. I think she's playing herself. Lol! ( I have a hair dresser who always refers to Angelina as "evil beauty".) Lol. Angie has a ton of money and Brad Pitt. She's not doing too bad for herself. Lol. At any rate. I aint going gambling cause I aint no fool. The stash thickens! Talk soon E. -joanxxxx

Morning E.

P. and I wound up at the bookstore yesterday. Afterwards we went out for a nice healthy lunch. Toward the evening things started to decompensate a bit and I probably should not have had the ice cream or the popcorn.. lol. Oh well. I am not perfect. Prrrrrrrogressssss not perrrrrrfectionnnn.

It's cr** out today so will stay in and do some housework. I really don't get into yard work so am glad that its too murky. I am still in awe at how green everything looks this year. Afterwards I will get into that book I bought ( with money that I did not hand over to the casino bosses. )

I feel good today. I am working on balance. It's not easy but, nobody said it would be. I believe that this life is for learning. I believe our souls are here to gather knowledge not necessarily fortune or fame. If I f*****k up I try to understand what happened and maybe make a few changes to avoid the same pitfall the next time round.

Addiction is hell because its making the same mistakes over and over again while expecting a different outcome. Einstein said that was the definition of insanity. Addiction is insanity but, it can be arrested. There is hope. I am not doomed.

Today, I try not to judge my mistakes. I try to learn from them instead. What can I do differently? What can I change? The more I learn about myself, the better I feel. The better I feel the more I learn. The more I learn the wiser I get. The wiser I get the better the example I set. The more positivity I spread the more positivity comes back to me in return.

We are not perfect. Not by a long shot. But we all have a natural capacity to learn and get better. So, those are my thoughts this morning. E. when P was on the plane to Canada she thought she might have seen you. I believe she did. Thank you for being our angel! Talk soon. -joanxxx

Hi there

how weird, I have that book loaded on my kindle ready to read (sadly no space for the real thing any more) so we will have to compare notes. Find I read a lot now but know it is an excuse to avoid the things I should be doing like cleaning windows and pulling weeds. Took my rubbish down the lane and that's my lot for today as though raining it is still humid.

Friend took me to the theatre this week, do you get it out there? Its called Link up or something and you sit in a local venue and a live stage show in London (it was an Alan Aykbourne play) is shown on screens all over the world at the same time at thousands of venues, very clever and kept me off the streets for another evening as very tired from work and that's a danger zone out time for me.

I'm sure P did see Ed, I sometimes get a sense of someone being here, not in a scary way, a nice thought that guardian angels are watching over us, just wish they would shout a bit louder when I am about to do something stupid.

Have a chilled time and let the angels fight the demons off to save you the bother for today. Using last bit of energy to engage in frantic waving.

xxx

joan

thanks for popping by my thread your words mean a great deal, but that is something else that is a fantastic gift of recovery is it not???

the fact that we care about other folk,through caring about ourselves.

The sad truth is I sat next to the same fella's for many years,we never knew each others names just shared the same affliction,we sat in stony silence whilst torturing ourselves,feeding our lives into a machine.

In fact wishing bad luck upon each other in the hope that it would gift us a win.

Well not any more,the insanity you talk about, I know I lived that life,repeating the same thing over and over expecting the outcome to change

True madness,the act of the punt for the compulsive gambler.

Keep educating yourself,enjoy the book.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Hi Sis

What a great post and u surely spreading the positivity all around!! Thank you for sharing and I can tell you are surrounded by quite peaceful emotions right now which is just great! Really catching and I am so glad you posted what you did today cause hell girl, you are saving a soul here 🙂

I am so pleased I can share my journey with you and I get so so much out of your wisdom you have no idea. Your angel is spreading his wings, and let me tell you they cover the whole globe because I can feel the peace and calmness right now.

Be proud of bein YOU Sis, nothing will ever change that heart and soul of yours.

Soldier shoulder to shoulder let's slay the f****r beast !!! The fight just only began!! ..and I'm going now lol..seems like getting too much into fighting spirit 🙂

Stay at peace girls and enjoy your weekend

S x

Hi Joan and glad that you managed to get through them urges to gamble. We must remind ourselves constantly that we really cannot win because we cannot stop. I have never stopped at my own self-imposed limits. never, not once. The only thing that ever stopped me when I still had access to money... was when the placed shut for the night. Ive had staff come and put tape over the slot to stop me putting anymore money in or just switch off the machine. Ive also sat quietly and cried at a machine as the last of my rent money was consumed. I still put every last note and coin in mind, just in case I might stumble across some crazy series of wins... it never happened especially when it really needed to happen. On the rare occasions when it did happen, it didn't make any difference anyway because then it just gave me more gambling time. The eventual outcome was always the same.... losing and the let down feelings that were sure to follow. The only solution is not to play.

Good to read that your working hard to find a sense of balance in life. Its not easy is it... but nobody ever said that it was. Take care.. S.A 🙂

Hi E.

It's a glorious day out today. Crystal clear blue sky and a cool crisp breeze! The perfect day to do everything and anything, or nothing at all. I'm excited this morning because we managed to get through another weekend without spending every last cent of our expendable cash.

I know that I have said this before but, I delight in the fact that I am able to communicate in an effective way that they can take their games and shove them where the sun doesn't shine. All I have to do is say NO and they lose. The house loses, when I say NO.

When I say NO, I have money to spend on the people and things that matter.

When I say NO, I have time to do whatever I want.

When I say NO, I don't miss out on moments or opportunities that may never come again.

When I say NO, my spirit is lifted.

When I say NO, my heart is opened ready to give and to receive.

When I say NO, the possibilities once again seem endless.

When I say NO, a new day dawns regardless of what time it is.

There is always time to say NO.

Anytime, is the right time, to begin again.

Just say NO.

-joanxxx

Hi Joan

Love your spirit that word NO sounds good to me your thread is brilliant

Going down memory lane at the moment not nice but need to get it off my chest and not forget so I can say NO so many good things will come by saying that little word

Keep saying NO

Suzanne xx

Well hey girl and looks like your in a pretty good place today so just keep put in it. LOL glad things are going well for you and may they forever stay that way.

Hi Sis

And what a fantastic post!! I think NO is my favourite word from now on. You have such a talent to put your thoughts down. I respect that and admire the way you manage to let it all go. Quite few of you really impress me with their posts..to mention few (I have to lol) is DF and our good friend Rachel. d**n I seem to miss her quite often. It was always like a woodpecker on my skull trying to get through me with most important things in life. I am really happy I still have many of you here, believe it or not the diference is always being made.

All left to say - proud of you and thank you for sharing xx

Thanks Sis. Will try to repost on other threads in a little while.

Hi E.

Monday morning. I cannot believe sometimes how fast time goes by. It's the middle of June already. April and May just flew right on by. So far the weather around here has been gorgeous. Warm days and cool nights.

I am off from work until Thursday this week. No gambling urges or running off to the casino because for some reason we save up all of our pi s s and vinegar for the weekends. This upcoming payday weekend should be pretty safe because we are getting ready for our trip to the cape.

I am trying not to let my expectations get too far ahead of me. Expectations can lead to some pretty heavy let downs. It doesn't matter what we end up doing as long as we get to do whatever it is we end up doing -- together.

I am trying not to get too bogged down with worry today. It's a waste of time and energy. Worry builds up inside of me and often leads to anxiety. Elevated anxiety levels for me causes irritability and impatience. Without patience I am set up to get angry. When I get angry I feel resentful. I typically harbor resentments for long periods of time. Harbored resentments like weeds take up too much room and air in my heart. Eventually, even the light appears dimmer until I feel completely enveloped in darkness. In the darkness dark thoughts become even darker. Lonesome misery comes calling at about this time because as we all know misery does love company.

So, instead of twiddling and worrying and making myself and others miserable I will put on a pair of headphones and listen to some music. Music makes me feel happy. When my outlook is happy and positive I have all of the room and air that I need to be inspired. When I am inspired the possibilities seem infinitely abundant.

today I realize that my happy heart needs constant gardening.

joanxxxx

Hey girl, off till Thursday that sounds sweet. Off for today for me and back in tomorrow not so sweet. LOL but I'll take it. Hope ya enjoy that time off.

Hey Sis,

Thanx for the aces :-)) no worries there, god if we won't look at this addiction in a funny way sometimes or mention parts of it we all would be sucked in a deep depression or smthing dark. We all know why we are here and what problems we are addressing.

As I said before I admire your diary and learned big deal about life and this addiction in my journey so far. The power of words you put down so rightly makes your journal really lovely to read. It is your soul talking and I can see that from reading half of the word.

You are a star girl, keep shining and never set for less in your perfectly peaceful life. You will never shine alone cause you know who is keeping you company night in night out. It is out there for everyone to see 🙂

Stay safe and have lovely time off. You so deserve it. ((((J)))) xxx