Angel From Montgomery

Well hey can't argue with the working hours and that's awesome. I heard the roku was suppose to be pretty good. Got a RCA streamers myself and yeah had problems watching shows last night. LOL thinking I might have to get a faster internet speed for the down loads. Just got the minimum speed right now.

Guess I don't mind all the s*x stuff going on in the show. Just kinda real life stuff that goes on in them prisons. Kinda true to life I guess and guess i like seeing it like it is. LOL I just finished episode 4 and just watching 2 shows a week. Guess i like to stretch it out a bit instead of watching in one clip.

Well hope ya enjoy your time off and good hearing from ya.

Oops forgot to mention too girl as far as your internet and cable tv goes. Don't know who ya got for a provider but yeah i got AT&T for my internet. I dropped their cable tv over a year ago and no missing that sh-it over here. Hell was paying over $140 a month for both of that sh-it. LOL Yeah their internet as their slowest rate is costing me like $55 a month. Guess if your up on the news AT&T is buying out cable and satellite tv like crazy to hold a monopoly of the business. Guess instead of paying more to get a faster speed with them I'm.gonna go shopping for internet with the little guys they don't control. LOL Yeah time warner, com something or other, direct tv and most of them cell phone companies out there are owned by at&t. Check out your providers girl cause their gonna keep driving them rates sky high, so Yup need to bring business to what's little is left out there

of the other providers left out there to bring em down. LOL

Hi E.

I have some thoughts about "coming clean" that I need to get off of my chest. You and I were born into a family where addiction was no stranger. Getting hammered on Jack Daniels whiskey, as you and I used to sing on the top of our lungs on Sunday afternoons, was as Hank Williams so aptly put " A FAMILY TRADITION" lol.

Anyway, getting clean and coming clean for me implies the same thing. Telling the truth. The truth shall set you free doesn't mean that the people you might have offended along the way will forgive you and welcome you back with open arms.

I still haven't forgiven our dad. I have had partners that I haven't fully forgiven. What I have learned along the way is that I am only as sick as my secrets. Recovery begins when I get honest with myself. Getting honest with myself means having to come clean to everyone else around me or at least everyone in my immediate life that I claim to love.

Facing the music is what any addict should expect when "coming clean" to a loved one. What I have learned about keeping secrets is this: Keeping secrets keeps me sick. Keeping secrets from the people that matter erodes my credibility as a trustworthy person where they are concerned, and if I am in a relationship robs that person I claim to love of their freedom to choose whether or not they want to help me or leave me.

The way I see it addicts who want to fully recover have no other choice than to "come clean". Thanks E. I needed that. -joanxxx

Joan

Been a while since we posted to each other , not sure why I'm guessing we are like passing ships

Have to say I have so much respect and admiration for you , I know your journey has been tough but you know how to fight and never give in

Inspired

Castle2

Thanks Castle.

Morning E.

P and I put the air conditioners in the windows last night and it's a good thing I guess. It's supposed to get well into the 90s today. I guess the conditioned air is supposed to be better for asthma. I'm not sure about the noise though. These things buzz and hum and drive me a little nuts. Ma has tinnitus and I think I might too. I noticed that I am going a little deaf in my right ear. Probably from listening to all of that loud music back in the day. Lol. I wouldn't trade those times for anything.

Even all of the bad cr** we had to go through served one purpose or another. It's how we learn I guess. The path I am on led me to P and for that I will always be grateful and would be willing to go through all of the bad cr** again knowing that I would eventually find my soul mate.

Doctor's appointment today. After that maybe a trip to Subway for a sandwich and the book store for another book. The gambling bug doesn't start until the weekend. After work tomorrow is when I suspect the urges to begin because that is the current "habit". If we can get through Thursday and Friday the rest of the weekend we can usually sail through. I had to learn it for myself but, for me, not getting started is key. Constant reminding that we will never win because once started we will never stop. Not until every last available dollar is spent. I'm not going to congratulate myself for not spending the mortgage, food, gas, or bills. That's like the leading chicken salesman ( Perdue ) looking for a pat on the back for not pumping chemicals and hormones into his chickens. Every time I see that commercial I want to slap that guy. We don't deserve praise for doing the right thing. It's unconscionable to sell meat with chemicals and hormones in it to children and it's a depraved act to spend money that is supposed to go to family and household.

I know this now. I get it. I don't have children but, I was a child once of a parent who loved his beer more than he loved me. I don't hate him anymore. The man died when he was only 51 years old and his first born, you, E, followed him at only 54. Addiction destroys families and kills the addict eventually.

Recovering addicts deserve praise. Everyone on these threads are here for one reason. To arrest an addiction to gambling. I have the utmost respect for each and every soul on these diaries. Quitting takes guts, and perseverance, humility, and patience. All we have to do today is say No. Just for today. Say no. Talk soon. -joanxxx

Hi Sis,

Just coming by to tell you how proud I am of you. Especially today..I read your post couple of times, few emotions went through. It was your strength, belief and stubbornness shining through lol.

d**n I love when I get a feeling about person and it proves right time and time again!!

You are a fighter and you know what - you are winning the fight in both worlds...nasty gambling industry and real 3d daily life. All I can say - keep it up. One word as castle said - inspiration! !

Thank you my sis. You keep lifting this soul up 🙂

I do feel uneasy to cross the space of you and E on here sometimes. ..special space for u I will always respect. ..but I feel I can share my imput with you anytime....and E none the less.

Thank you once again..let's keep saying NO

Life is for living

I know your appointment will go smoothly. .take it easy girl

S x

Thanks Sis. I will repost later.

Hi E.

We have a busy weekend planned and I have some housework to do this morning so, I will keep it short and sweet:

We managed to push past the urges last night. As a result, we once again, did not get stuck on stupid, and still have every cent of our hard earned money. Along with the cash to spend however we please, we woke up this morning with energy and our self respect. -joanxxx

Hi E.

The kitchen faucet circa 1938 finally sh i t the bed. Water everywhere! We had to call the plumber. That set us back another 359.00. The good news is that we had it!! What a relief. Had this been back in the day we would have been sh i t out of luck. We no longer operate with credit cards of any kind or by the seats of our pants for that matter. Everything is paid in full cash on the barrel. We have enough left over for all of the essentials and a little extra. All courtesy of Abstinence Inc.

I have been really agitated the last couple of days and chalk that up to not being able to stuff my stress with sweet treats and crispy chips -- wash it down with a cold Stella. I have to find healthier ways to get through the stresses of everyday living. My idle is set way too high. I am ready for a catastrophe. I actually felt even with the water squirting all over the kitchen. At least the outside was finally matching the inside. I am dialed for disaster and don't know what to do with my down time. I'm always ready for a rumble. I figured out that food was a way that I could numb out. Then I discovered slot machines and we both know how that turned out.

When we were kids we had to have eyes in the backs of our heads. Living with a volatile/abusive parent taught me to have the inner Marines ready for deployment at any time day or night. I guess it's a form of PTSD. I don't know how to feel safe. I don't expect people to feel sorry for us E. but, folks need to know how PTSD, depression, and addiction sort of comes together for some of us.

Oh well. We missed out on the picnic today, but, have outdoor plans for tomorrow instead. Gambling is the furthest thing from my mind. The sink is fixed. It's a beautiful day out. Maybe we can put something on the grill. Nothing like burgers on the grill or maybe some chicken. I have a stack of new books to get into. Life is pretty good. Talk soon. -joanxxx

Hey girl and sorry to hear about that sink. Glad ya had the cash though and yeah that could cause some massive stress worrying about where to get it. Glad ya ain't troubled with that. Must be grilling day. The weather don't look like it wants to cooperate but hell got a covered porch just in case. LOL

Sounds like life is going your way so just stay on that path.

Hey Sis and Ed....

Just thank you so much for your kind words. Joan, even broken sink didn't put you down and that's something to be proud of cause house appliances can come costly. You had the cash to sort the issue out and that must be music to your heart.

You are doing it!!! Can you see it? Absolutely fantastic, keep choosing life girls, it is out there for you no matter how dark clouds trying to hide it from you, YOU ARE DOING IT!!

Not much else....just.... ((((((((J&P&E))))))))) xxx

Hi E.

Just got back from a beautiful day at the lake with P and my two little nieces. I'm feeling really easy and peaceful tonight. Gonna have a little supper, watch some T.V. and just chillax for the rest of the evening. Night E. talk soon -joanxxx

Hey Sis,

Beautiful post and lovely to read that you had peaceful day yesterday. I suppose nothing stops you to repeat the same today and then tomorrow and so on 🙂

Hav a good day girls

Hi Sis,

Just a flyer by to see how ur doing. Hope all is peaceful and calm in ur world.

Stay safe

Day at a time

S x

Thanks for popping by Sis. I will repost in a little while. Have to get a few thoughts out.

Hi E.

I was up with the chickens this morning. That's what happens when I am in work mode. We are now off for a couple of weeks starting today but, our official vacation starts on the third. I am looking forward for a change.

A few urges last night. More annoying than anything else because in between I wrestle with thoughts about not having enough money to pay for things like broken sinks, and flat tires.

The reality is: there was enough money to fix the sink and there was enough money for P's flat tire. There is money for my haircut today, and there will be enough for vacation.

The reality is: There will NEVER EVER be enough money to gamble on the slots with because once started we won't stop. Somewhere, in the back of my mind in the darkness, inside of the trash barrel where I stuffed his a**; the demon crouches and pouts about scarcity because I refuse to feed the little ba s t ard.

If I were one of the lucky ones to have never gotten addicted to slot machines in the first place I cannot ever imagine that I would go around thinking that it be nothing more than a harmless past time. I would have tried it once or twice and thought to myself "what a perfect waste of time and money". I would have walked away without looking back. There is enough of us who will sadly become addicted and the industry depends on addicts for their bread and butter.

A little anger goes a long way for me as long as I direct it where it belongs. I bear no hostility toward ANY problem or compulsive gambler who desires to get better. I do however, continue to struggle with subliminal messages about how harmless and fun gambling is. That is, and will always be, a load of pure bull sh i t in my book. To be clear, I struggle with the message, not the messenger.

Thought for the day: Compassion, not comparison. Talk later E. -joanxxx

Hey girl, and good for you having couple weeks off and dam I'm jealous. lol hope ya enjoy it and nothing but good memories as the result.

Yup we are those betting places bread and butter and the only way to stick em in their place is to strave em off. Just wish it was a united thing world wide and just shut it all down period. Hell who would miss all that really, and what a better world this would be.

Enjoy that vacation. Long over due and well deserved.