Angel From Montgomery

HI Joan,

Thank you so much for your post and what an inspiring and beautifull post from you my friend. I raise my glass to you and yours joan and wish you a peacefull and happy christmas and also that your brothers love continues to keep you warm.

To absent loved ones. xxx

Take care

Blondie xx

Hi Diary,

"Today" what a great day to be alive!! One word for today and that is yahoo! This might be the first Christmas Eve that P and I have not been out gambling at a casino. I have turned a corner I tell you!! 😀 Not at all complacent -- will always be on my guard AND, that is ok. Most importantly, I am present. I am in my skin, the lights are on, my eyes are both opened, and I am happy about it. This is life without gambling. Peace Everyone! -joanxxx And, by the way I will be overeating today AND tomorrow. LOL!!!!!!

Good Evening,

Many many thanks for your post. I found your own post today extremely uplifting and I share the sentiment about turning a corner :).

You overeat for a couple of days that's what it's all about.

A very Merry Xmas to you,

Flagg

Merry xmas joan and a happy new year

P.S yea nigara falls was great but its funny i can nearly remember a restaurant we went 2 more, near nigera falls it was really high up and went round and round as an 8 year old i was very impressed haha

Joan

sometimes action speaks louder than words.

I am honoured you bumped my diary to page one.

Thankyou.

Merry xmas my dear friend.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Good Morning Diary,

Some might say that Christmas is alot of sizzle with no steak. If I were being honest, I would have to say that I was one of those people -- and from time to time still feel that way but, today, this Christmas day feels different. WHY? Because, I had tons of money to spend on presents? Err, no, I am still swamped with debt -- so, what's to be soooo happy about-- sooo grateful about----soooo cheerful about?? Today, I am 10,000.00 less in debt than I was at this time last year. I have absolutely no desire to go out gambling, and on the contrary, as a result of a recent tragic loss my determination to stop gambling has grown not diminished. Today, I will be spending the day surrounded by loved ones and feasting on prime rib!!!

Now, since this is my recovery diary I must say a few words about something that has been bugging me: My younger brother and his wife may be paying us a visit some time this week. Sounds fun right? Weeellllll... not really. It has been many many years now since I have seen my brother's wife and his now very grown children. It's a verrrrrry long story.. Anyway, I am in a panic because she is very put together and has a lovely home designed for entertaining -- My home is more like a nest, and I look a little like a... well, lets just say, not so put together. Sadly, I must confess that I have been obsessing about this moment for several days now.. I know that all I can really do is get through it. I will scrub my face til it shines, stuff myself into my best old jeans and find a shirt that covers me all of the way.. I dont know why things like this are so hard for me but, they are and always were. Anyway, that's it. Other than that I am in good shape and just waiting for everyone to wake up so we can get to those darn presents!!! LOL. Have a great day everyone. Stay strong. I know that I will too. -joanxxxxx

Joan

let me tell you this, a book should not be judged by its cover.

You my dear friend have the heart of a lion and the strength of one to boot.

You face up to lifes troubles and stopped running away.

Take that heart and stand proud.

Nobody has the right to judge you for your looks and your actions are there for all to see.

For those be very proud.

Stand tall keep enjoying living.as we both know we won't be wasting our efforts.

For this i am very proud of you.

Duncs stepping forward never back

Thanks duncs..

Hi diary,

I have been chasing after doctors all day today. Seems I may have a urinary tract infection. Have terrible pain and a fever. Also feels like I might be getting a cold as well. w*f??? Oh well, certainly no desire to gamble. Today, it is all about surviving all of these cooties!!! Who gets a uti for christmas?? lol... really, it actually makes me laugh.. Anyway, I am tucked safely into bed at home in my cozy warm little house. Still soooooo much to be thankful for. Now, if only that doctor would call back with a prescription. I do not want to wind up in a cold emergency room tonight!! I will try to get into a few diaries tomorrow. For now it's back to bed. -joanxxx

Hi Diary,

Prayers answered -- meds prescribed-- meds taken and I am feeling better already. Man, the medical community is not an easy group to work with. I had to make a lot of phone calls just to get help. The insurance companies and ER staff hate when folks use Emergency Rooms for non emergency issues but, the medical community does not really want to manage folks with acute issues that are non emergency. Anyway, I am getting treatement and on the mend so, on with the next thing. No thoughts, no urges, no nothing as far as gambling is concerned. I am beginning to really see what a crock of sh it it really is and I am feeling stronger and stronger every day. I have had a few stressful events come my way and managed not to gamble or drink about them. It doesnt help at all. Only makes things soooo much worse. I will probably always turn to food from time to time for a little comfort but, WHATEVER..I believe once again I have reached that place that so many others have spoken about and that is acceptance. I screwed up. I am fixing it. I am moving on. Learn, grow, and go.. Anyway, that's me for today. Never complacent. Never fully cured. It doesnt matter. Today, I sober and gamble free. I offer my heart to anyone out there who is in addiction with whatever and for whatever reason. May you find that peace that we are all looking for. Take Care -joanxxxxx

Hi Joan,

Wow girlie.....you have had all the niagra falls water thrown at you this xmas..........and you still come out on top......You make my heart sing Joan.....I really look up to you....you are an amazing lady....hope Patrice appriciates you.

Funny you talk of acceptance......I did on my diary...great minds eh!

Anyhow....as the wise old Duncs says....You have nothing to feel inferior about....just be who you are my friend.....If somebody can't accept that....well...hey...they have a problem...right!

Glad you got the medication you needed....hopefully you will be well enough to celebrate the "new year".....got a feeling it is going to be "our year"

Hugs to a very special lady.

Sue xxxxx

Thanks Sue!

Dear Diary,

Doing well. Still trying to mend from surgery and now this latest. I think that I have a long way to go in terms of grieving for my lost brother. That will take some time. The latest wrinkle has been insomnia which I know does not help my over all resistance to opportunistic infections bacterial or two legged. Sigh.. Deep breaths today. No desire to gamble. Engaging in any kind of self distructive behaviors are off the table. "God grant me the serenity to accept the things I cannot change, the courage to change the things I can and the wisdom to know the difference." That about says it all for me today. Take Care -joanxxx

Hi joan amen to that I never thought that something could be so powerful but the serenity prayer sums most things up for me. Take care of yourself. Xxx

Hi Joan,

Thank u sooo much 4 ur support on my diary when u r going thru such a tough time urself, u r a very special lady 🙂

Thank u so much 4 being there 4 me 🙂

Take care xx

Thanks Blondie and Charlotte!!

Hi Diary,

The Universe is infinite possibility and infinite abundance!!! I have no desire to gamble today or to do anything self destructive. Why on earth would I choose to do that??? Just finished making breakfast for my little niece. Her little "I love you(s)" are all the jackpot I need in my life today. Today, my cup runs over!!!!!! Hugs everyone. -joanxxxxxx

Well thanks for the post. Sounds like your having a good day and hope there's many more to come.